It takes a great deal of emotional courage learning to trust, have faith and believe in yourself, as you stare opposition in the face during your process of transformation back to the authentic self. One of the basic human needs in life is to have a sense of belonging.  You can spend your entire existence struggling to fulfill this need. In the garden of Life, the lack of belonging can become a deep seeded root of a noxious weed.  This root can run so far down that it taps into the water source draining it dry.  It can tower over everything, block all light, devour all nutrients ..read more

Some days are great. You wake up in the morning and everything is good. Life is good. Mood is good. You feel refreshed and energetic. You love days like those. Unfortunately, some days are shit sprinkles, all over your life cupcake. It’s irritating, frustrating and seemingly has the power initiate a cycle of self trash compacting for days (or longer, in some cases). These are the days that you find an all out war within yourself, and it sucks. There is no other way to put it. This is one of the reasons why self-care, self-love and self-acceptance are so important. When you begin learning how t ..read more

I have been searching to find myself.  A reconnaissance mission for self rescue, preservation and growth in authenticity.  It is difficult to sort through the layers of who I have built, in order to fully resuscitate who I truly am. At this moment, I feel like I am two people: The Pretender and The Authentic. The Pretender is the personality I built.  I programed her to be ultra tough, numb to the outside, shut off and secluded within the confines of a thick wall.  Just living a lie, trying to survive. The Pretender, suffocated The Authentic, and hid her away.  This wa ..read more

Beauty is not appearance, size, shape or numbers on a scale. Beauty is not perfection. Beauty is everywhere in this life. It is a smile. It is in the breath you take every morning that you wake up. Beauty is in the struggles and pain that you endure; the laughter and embrace with those who held you through it. Beauty is the song your heart beats to. Beauty is the days of spontaneously dancing, no matter where you are. Beauty is the wings of your soul that wraps you in the color of creativity. Beauty is not perfect. It is real. It is genuine. It is the laughter of friends and family. The love t ..read more

What Did It Look Like?, is a poem where the true self reflects on the old self.  In the end, the old self wants to be remembered for the experiences it endured and the wisdom that those experiences give to the true self.  It is in the experiences, where lessons are learned and opportunities to grow are found.   What did it look like; The old way of life? Trudging along Full of turmoil and strife. Sadness and Hurt On the inside Leaked out, From the weight of my traumas Back wanted to give out. Shoulders were heavy Abuse Side to side. One bucket external Full of every k ..read more

(Attachments vs. Connections) The first loss I experienced was a small piece of myself. As time moved on, I found that I gave away small bits here and there. The pieces of me began to vary in size, until I realized I had lost myself over time. Innocence an naivety, Youth untouched, Heart unscathed. Blissful. The moments of experiencing Life's beauty; No screens, No curtains, Everything presents as it is; Exactly how it is - Authentic. It is perceived and experienced wholly and genuine in the mind, body, spirit and soul. No Fears, Failure doesn't exist. Judgments and criticisms have not be ..read more

When you experience living an eating disorder/addiction; you don’t ONLY experience an eating disorder/addiction.   You become it. Your afflictions do not operate alone.  You are the link in the “ring around the posies.’  It’s you, ED, alcohol, tobacco, weed, shopping, gambling, sex, or whatever coping mechanisms you find.  Whatever they are, there is always more than one. You have anxiety, depression, obsessions, extreme compulsiveness and impulsiveness, and never ending streams of ruminating thoughts. You spend every waking moment of your life trying to keep everythin ..read more

An eating disorder is an addiction.   A mental delusion. It creeps up on you over time; blinding you to the control it chains you with.  You become at war with your mind and your body.   It destroys your spirit and sucks the life from your soul. It fills you with shame, deadening the spark that used to twinkle in your eye. It causes you to lie to yourself and others. Always hiding You do everything you can to pretend, once others figure it out.  But pretending is even worse than telling a lie…. Pretending is Living one. You are helpless to stopping and regaining c ..read more

There comes a point in time where your vision becomes more clear. A point when you start to take down the wall you've been building, Stone by stone. A moment when you look up and crawl out of the grave you buried yourself in. To stand on the edge, A different edge than the one where you stood before. This is the place where the darkness is met by a crisp line of lush, dew kissed grass. You take a glance behind you Peering into the abyss Remembrance of what once was Offer forgiveness to yourself And take a step forward. Eyes to the sky Sun greets your face with a warm embrace, as to say, "Hel ..read more

Flow through life like waterContinually movingNever conforming to a certain shape other than your ownGlisten with the sunStir with stormsDrink the rainFluidly, glide through rapidsShoot down the waterfallRest in the stillnessAnd keep flowing -Pearl Grace It is an interesting type of funny when you realize that you’re really not alone in experiencing life.  Life keeps life-ing all over all of us.  It is easy to become blinded to the truth.  The truth that everyone has a journey and every journey has mountains and valleys.  We have a lot more in common wit ..read more