Long before HMRC introduced a 'time to pay' system through the Business Payment Support Service, Inspectors kept track of the more extreme excuses given for late payment. My heart went out to the taxpayer with the best reason I ever heard. He asked for time to pay because: "Just recently the drains were blocked and the bungalow was flooded, We had 6,000 gallons of effluent all over the inside and out. Please consider all the things we've been through ..read more

 Awards not presented at this year's Taxation awards celebration included: Large firm Longest name for a tax team in a large firm Most widely dispersed tax 'team' in a large firm Medium sized firm Highest percentage lock-up in a medium sized firm Most imaginative disclosure on a tax return by a medium sized firm Longest meeting with HMRC in a medium sized firm Most fee notes for tax advice given to one client in one year, in a medium sized firm Small firm Worst client toilet in a small firm Best reasonable excuse for a late filed tax return by a small firm Individual awards Mo ..read more

Sarah Saunders is clearly a fan of Macbeth. She was credited by Taxation magazine with finding (or imagining) a new parchment used by Shakespeare as a source for his play, Macbeth.  It's a witty piece that could be said to examine the play through the lens of modern day taxation.  The document itself appears to have been written by Hamish McTax, Royal Counsellor, Tax Adviser to Royalty.  Apparently "scribbled on the back of the document was this chilling rhyme: "Double, double, VAT is trouble, ATED burn and FATCA bubble.  Number of a DOTAS scheme, Echo of a non-dom's sc ..read more

"Take the Money and Run" by Steve Miller Band - Perfect for those clients who may be tempted to take their profits and run, but you're determined to keep them on track with sound financial advice. "Material Girl" by Madonna - A fun twist on being a "Depreciation Diva" who knows the value of tangible assets and depreciation schedules.  "Don't Stop Believin'" by Journey - Encouraging clients to keep the faith in their financial goals and trust in your accounting expertise.  "Don't Stop 'Til You Get Enough" by Michael Jackson - Because you won't stop until you've reconciled every last ..read more

When I started training as an accountant, one of the first clients I visited was a bookseller. I remember being unable to understand how the clerk had computed his percentages when sales were falling. These included such impossible results as minus 134% and minus 179%. I explained how to compute the percentage movement in sales from one period to another.  The look of joy on the clerk's face was a delight as he came to appreciate a key fact:  Whilst upward trends had no limit (eg: increases of four time the previous week's sales would show as plus 400%), downward trends cou ..read more

"Money, Money, Money" by ABBA - Because accountants know money is their favorite thing to count, balance, and make sense of!  "Taxman" by The Beatles - A reminder that even the legendary Beatles had to deal with taxes, just like everyone else.  "Dancing Queen" by ABBA - When the financial statements are balanced, and you're ready to dance your way through tax season like a true queen of numbers.  "Money for Nothing" by Dire Straits - A humorous take on the dream of getting paid for doing nothing, which is rarely the case in the world of accounting!  "I Want to Hold Your Ha ..read more

 An accountant knocks on the door of the local GP's surgery and walks in. "Hello, doctor. Please help. I just don't know what's wrong with me. Goodbye." With that the accountant turns around and walks out. 30 seconds later they are back. "Hello again, doctor. Please help. I just don't know what's wrong with me." The Doctor looks up from his desk and asks: Are you an accountant?" "Yes"  "Ok, In that case I think it's obvious. You have a serious case of double entry ..read more

Many years ago I spoke at a large ACCA meeting at the Fairfield Halls in Croydon. Just before I was introduced, Steve, an eagle eyed accountant asked me about the third set of initials after my name on the title slide projected on the screen. After my FCA and CTA (Fellow) I had included MMC. I explained this was a bit of fun as they are the designatory letters for members of The Magic Circle (and, yes, I am a member). Steve then told me that he had an unusual hobby too. He said he was a poet. The following day I received an email from Steve containing a poem he had written for me to deliver ..read more

 Here are some of the answers I received online when I asked that question: TAX is... ... is what someone from Yorkshire uses to chop twood. ... means to add something to a taxonomy. ... is annoying little nails that keep the carpet down. ... means 'Many thanks' in Danish. ... is the verb for using a taxi. ... means Taken Abroad EXclusively: the new way to get the Capital of England to the Cayman Islands ... is something to be avoided at all costs. And, finally, my absolute favourite: TAX can be shown to be a cheeky government joke: 'Tax' is made up of the word 'Ta', followed by a littl ..read more

I once heard about a lady who received a letter from HMRC threatening her with fines if she didn't produce a certain document. In fact she had sent them the document in question a month before and it had got lost within HMRC's office. She explained: The (perfectly nice) lady I spoke to said that apparently my original letter had contained an all-important blue slip. The internal mail system only recognises blue slips, rather than, say, people's names. My failure to include the blue slip had resulted in my carefully packaged 35-page document entering a postal abyss, never to be seen again ..read more