Mom can get pretty pissed at Dad, sometimes to the point that she throws him out of the house. Thankfully for Dad, he’s pretty resilient. Here are six times Mom kicked Dad out only to have him build a new life for himself where he was absolutely thriving within a matter of hours. 1. The time she threw him out for snoring and he immediately launched a career as a successful EDM producer Mom can’t stand Dad’s snoring, and one day her frustration got the best of her and she screamed him out of the house. But within literal minutes, Dad had downloaded Ableton, learned to use it, and uploaded some ..read more

If you’re a fan of George R.R. Martin’s A Song of Ice and Fire series and have been anxiously awaiting the series’s next installment, The Winds of Winter, then get ready to stand up and cheer: George R.R. Martin just announced that the reason he’s taken so long on the next Game of Thrones book is because he couldn’t decide if dragons piss fire or not, but he’s finally decided that they do piss fire! This is incredible! It looks like after all these years we’re finally getting the next installment in this beloved fantasy epic! Martin made t ..read more

It’s time to start planning your next trip to Paris, because one of Europe’s most iconic landmarks is about to undergo a long-awaited glow up: The Eiffel Tower is getting skin. Ooh la la! About time La Dame de Fer got a new look! The incomplete Eiffel Tower has been wowing visitors since the 1889 World’s Fair, but starting this summer, the UNESCO World Heritage Site will finally get around to shrouding its bare iron latticework in a layer of supple, radiant skin. The skin, which is slowly but surely growing down from the top of the tower’s antenna i ..read more

Tech companies often get demonized as soulless and profit-driven, but one of the giants of the industry is going out of their way to prove the naysayers wrong: Facebook will begin conducting automatic wellness checks for anyone still using Facebook! This is so beautiful to see. If more companies cared about their customers like this, the world would be a better place. “At this point, we can’t think of a single healthy reason why anyone would still be using our platform, and we have no choice but to conclude that people still on Facebook are struggling with something dark,” said a statement rel ..read more

Squidward J. Q. Tentacles…what are we going to do with you? Sigh. Everyone wants to masturbate to Squidward, but sometimes, he can make it almost impossible (almost). Here are three things that turn jerking off to Squidward into a serious uphill battle. 1. His negative attitude  Ugh. A squid who walks upright, plays the clarinet, and lives next to SpongeBob?! Everything about Squidward checks out as premium spank-bank material…except his poor attitude. Each time he makes a condescending remark to SpongeBob and Patrick, or acts like he’s above working at the Krabby Patty, or complains abou ..read more

If you need any more proof that Fahrenheit 451 is becoming a reality in American society, look no further: This Alabama school district just banned the young adult classic Mr. Potato Head’s Guide To Tantric Massage from its libraries. Absolutely shameful. This book has been cherished by young adult readers for generations!  Earlier this week, Alabama’s Calhoun County School District unanimously voted to pull all copies of Mr. Potato Head’s Guide To Tantric Massage from school libraries, referring to the 2,000-page book’s descriptions of Mr. Potato Head using his removable limbs to perform ..read more

Whether it’s to flirt, express disappointment at your service, or simply spread the word of God, a restaurant receipt is a great place to leave a little note for your waitress. How many of these notes have you written to your waitress on your receipt?     ..read more

Search the entire history of American politics, and you’ll be hard pressed to find a more masterful campaign stratagem than this: President Biden just solemnly pushed a figurine that looks exactly like him across a tabletop map towards a dot labeled “McDonald’s.” We are truly witnessing a grandmaster at work…Mr. Biden has just thrown down the gauntlet in his bid for the 2024 election. With hurdles continuing to mount between President Biden and his shot at a second term, the President convened his closest aides in the Biden 2024 war room today, where they quickly began poring over a massive ta ..read more

We hate to be the bearers of bad news, but there’s a tragic breaking story today that we just can’t ignore: All three of the Three Stooges are probably dead by now.  Oooof. This is a day that will live in infamy for fans of black-and-white slapstick antics everywhere.  Yep, it just seems impossible that at this point Larry, Curvy, and the other one could still be alive. Yesterday, there may have been a .0001% chance that one of them was, like, in a coma at 123 years old or something, but today is the day that is just no longer possible. Even assuming that they were all in their mid-t ..read more

A few years ago I bought a house that was located right in the middle of a golf course. I wanted to be able to watch golf through my window. The house cost me the entirety of my life savings from 25 years as a travel agent arranging vacations for people who like to visit movie theaters in different countries. I thought it would be great to live in a house on a golf course, but unfortunately the golf course is also home to a few miserable hags who live near the water hazard and make my life difficult. Some of them are worse than others. Here are the five miserable hags of the water&nb ..read more