Ever feel your head spin when you're trying to express your feelings, thoughts, wants, or needs to a Hijackal? Of course, you have. That's because they are masters of this phenomena know as WhatAboutIsm or WhatAboutery. It's a powerful defense and deflection strategy narcissists use to confuse! Learn what it sounds like because you already know what it feels like. When you recognize it and name it for yourself, you can refuse to play along with it again. The Hijackals defense mechanisms can be SO infuriating and frustrating. There SO many defense mechanisms It's crazy-making, and whataboutism ..read more

People ask so often: Do narcissists and other HIjackals know that they are being mean, difficult, coercive, dismissive, and more? You want to know. In this episode, I'll lay it out and explain it all, ONCE AND FOR ALL. Listen and take it in because knowing this answer can change your relationship forever. When you recognize what the narcissist or any other Hijackal does on purpose, you'll be affirmed that what you are thinking IS what is happening. Hijackals like to keep you as isolated as possible. They want to have power over you, and they do that by causing you to second-guess yourself and ..read more

Rigid thinking and what-about-ism are seriously linked. Know someone who is rigid in their thinking? They are RIGHT and that's all there is to it? And, if you don't agree with them, you're wrong...and, that there is something wrong with you? Hijackals® do that! Even entertaining your thoughts or feelings for a hot second is not on their playlist. Learn how pervasive this is so that you can clearly see it happening and make good decisions about the relationship. What-about-ism relates directly to rigid thinking. People who are narcissistic convince themselves that they hold the only true and r ..read more

Maybe, you're too nice. You fawn. You'll do anything to keep the peace...or, at least, sidestep potential rage if you can. Peace at any price, you may say. Maybe, you find yourself fawning. (Hear more about that in the episode, too!) Emotional abusers appreciate fawning. It's easier for them and they don't care about you. ESSENTIAL to see these dynamics clearly if they are playing out in any relationship in your life. When you do, you can take steps to change the patterns. There's nothing wrong with being nice, but TOO NICE can set you up for emotional abuse. Listen to the 10 Whys. Emotional ..read more

Narcissistic people starve you in so many ways. Every now and again a narcissist--a Hijackal--is kind, offers a compliment, or shows interest in your feelings. THOSE ARE CRUMBS. You may be so starved that those crumbs feel like a feast. You make a big deal of it, and think the world has reset in your favor. NO! The Hijackal wants something from you and knows how to get it. It's important to see this clearly. Emotional malnutrition is real. Malnutrition is the state of you end up in when you live with constant deficiencies, excesses, and imbalances in your intake. You don't get enough of ..read more

So infuriating! Endlessly frustrating! Trying to talk with a narcissistic person--or any Hijackal--can be crazy-making. It usually is if you dare to even remotely want to discuss the dynamics of your relationship. You've likely been upset my their purposeful misunderstanding of what you say, what you do, and what you want. Why do they do it? What can you do about it? Listen in. Hijackals--those relentlessly difficult people who hijack relationships for their own needs--have to "on top" and "winning" all the time. That means that they are always on both the offensive and the defensive. One way ..read more

Healthy relationships have equality, reciprocity, and mutuality. Toxic relationships do not. You will be coping tooooo much, and in balance tooooo little. Does that sound familiar? You could be giving your life away to a narcissist with nothing but promises in return. Listen in to this episode and find out what's true for you. To cope is defined as "to deal effectively with something" (Oxford) or to "deal with and attempt to overcome problems and difficulties." When you have to do that ALL the time because you're with a person, partner, or parent who demands it, it's exhausting. Sure, we can ..read more

It's tempting. You may think you're being "nice." After a while, you're doing all the giving. Then, it's exhausting! Why does this dynamic happen? Why does it persist? What can you do to stop it? Listen in. In the beginning of a relationship with a narcissist, you may think you've found your perfect, ideal, longed for mater. Things shift. Things sour. Things take a turn and the narcissist--Hijackal®--wants more and more while they give less and less. All the while, the narcissist also becomes more demanding. Does this sound familiar? You can give everything you have in every possible way an ..read more

Yes, narcissistic people are self-centered, but does the reverse hold true? Are self-centered people always narcissistic? Important distinctions here that can help you understand the troubling folks in your life. Or, do you think it's a distinction without a difference? Listen in and see what you discover.  In this episode, I offer you ten ways to see the differences between self-centered people and narcissistic people. These ten distinctions can be VERY helpful if you're wondering whether to stay in a relationship with a partner, parent, sibling, or friend, or to break away. That's valu ..read more

Hijackals insist you're not good enough...even though they chose you or gave birth to you. What's up with that!@##%%!? It's crazy-making and it's important to understand why this happens. And, why it continues throughout the relationship unless you change. It's not OK. This episode will help you clearly see through this crazy-making habit of emotional abuse: making you feel not good enough. It serves the Hijackal but it does not serve you. Understand these things so you can make positive changes right away. When someone needs to put you down in order to feel better about themselves, there's ..read more