I start this post about my recent hair loss with a picture of my mom and me. My mom - from whom I inherited my (normally) thick, flowing locks. My hair - it’s my comfort, my confidence. Seems silly to say, but it’s a part of me, my identity. And it’s been really hard and scary and confusing to lose it…in handfuls. My third and final frozen embryo transfer (FET) failed last month. I was pregnant for a few precious weeks…and then I wasn’t. The emotional healing has been a Bee-yotch with a capital B, to say the least. My friend recently told me she could see the sadness in my eyes. It’s there, n ..read more

I’ll get to the punch line quickly: I’m miscarrying. Words aren’t coming to me right now. I feel frozen in front of my keyboard. Maybe it’s because of sleep deprivation - my son has been waking up at 4:30 AM the last few mornings and not going back to sleep. Maybe it’s because of the shock of everything happening so fast or the trauma of seeing so much blood. So. Much. Maybe it’s because of sadness fogging my brain. I’m sad. Really sad. I was just starting to let myself believe that this pregnancy was real. To play around with baby girl names in my head. To start subtly wondering aloud about ..read more

Feeling proud of myself…the day before our final frozen embryo transfer (FET) Tomorrow is our last frozen embryo transfer (FET). We will be transferring the last of three genetically normal embryo we got (grew? cultivated? created? harvested?) from our IVF procedures back in the fall of 2018. Our first transfer in February 2019 resulted in in our son. Our second transfer in February 2022 resulted in a positive pregnancy test…but I ultimately miscarried because the embryo didn’t continue to develop (i.e., blighted ovum). We were going to do a FET biopsy cycle in September 2022 to gather more i ..read more

Our third and final frozen embryo transfer (FET) is next week! I had my final bloodwork and uterine ultrasound completed this morning along with an intralipid infusion. At the time of the infusion, my nurse told me that the ultrasound tech spotted a “trace amount of fluid” in my uterine lining. If there is too much fluid, this could result in the cancellation of the cycle. She was going to have a doctor review the ultrasound and get back to me midday. I spent the entire morning feeling nervous about a potential THIRD cancellation of a FET cycle. If they ended up canceling my cycle because of ..read more

In the middle of dinner tonight, I pulled out my phone and Googled the side effects of the current hormones/medications I’m taking to prep for our upcoming Frozen Embryo Transfer (FET). The search couldn’t wait until after dinner because this side effect was just too strong to wait another second to either a) validate my hope that this was indeed caused by these medications or b) realize that this was unrelated to the meds and work on better understanding what was happening with me. I scanned through the list quickly…hoping to find one specific symptom. Hot flashes. Yes, but not the symptom ..read more

Sifting through old childhood boxes led me to a reflection on who I was and who I have become as I head into our last Frozen Embryo Transfer (FET). I cracked open my senior high school yearbook a couple weeks ago. I loved high school, but looking through the pages flooded me with momentary grief. As I looked at picture upon picture of braces-clad Kristen, I felt sad for my de-evolution…the loss of everything I was…the frustration with the nothingness I had become as an adult. (Hear me out…I’m an incredibly high-achieving person with stupid standards for myself…and I promise I didn’t sit in th ..read more

In this post, I share frustrations about inauthenticity and lack of connection on social media. Picture: Cory and me after our second frozen embryo transfer (FET) this past February. I didn’t share with many people or on our blog that we were pregnant for 8 weeks until I miscarried. Sharing now as an attempt to cast a line of authenticity and realness. I’ve slid into my semi-annual social media funk. A couple times a year, I wake up from a mental fog and realize how much I dislike social media. How much it feeds my dissatisfaction with life, fuels my comparison mentality, and heightens my ove ..read more

I’ve been healing from disordered eating, exercise bulimia, and body dysmorphia for six years now, and I feel the most healed I’ve ever felt. On my best days, I don’t even think about my body. I no longer obsessively planning what I’m going to eat. I’m moving toward body neutrality…my body a mere vessel allowing my heart and soul and mind to move through this physical world. But then the holidays approach, and I feel more vulnerable to old thought patterns. I start to hear the faint whisperings of past eating disorder gremlins. Thanksgiving, as you can imagine, is an especially triggering holi ..read more

Ashley, a Nashville-based writer, mother, and educator shares her unicornuate uterus story. I found myself nod, nod, nodding in agreement…parallel processing my unique story as I read through hers. Thank you, Ashley, for offering us a healing moment. A communal inhale and exhale as we share, grieve, validate, and process together. (Content warning: fertility/pregnancy loss, abortion, and pregnancy trauma). No Amount of Planning Ashley N Roth I like to know what will happen next. As a child, I flipped ahead to guarantee my Choose Your Own Adventure decision was the correct one. In my angsty te ..read more

Rebecca, an amazing woman and administrator for two unicornuate uterus support groups on Facebook (Unicornuate Uterus TTC and Unicornuate Uterus Pregnancy and Beyond), shares her story. She shows how there are many different paths to building your family. Thank you for sharing, Rebecca! Half a uterus?! Say what?? I had always wanted to be a Mom. I can tell you that anyone that has ever known me, could tell you, I have always wanted to be a Mom. I was lucky enough to find my dream husband, had my dream wedding, dream home, and we were ready for the next chapter, a baby. We started trying to hav ..read more