Those of you who have followed my blog, let me start with an apology. The content of the blog is changing. I have been working on moving forward , adjusting to our decision to stop trying for children. Life’s been ok, there are moments where my heart aches, I don’t know that I will ever get over not having children, but for now I am content with our decision. We have bought a new business. We are focused on the other things in our lives that bring joy. For the most part it was going well until October this year. Actually, it started earlier than that but Octobers the specific date it all came ..read more

It’s been a little while since I shared. I think it’s a good thing for me as I finally am at the other side. Am I still hurting, yes! I pray for a day when it doesn’t, though I feel it is unlikely. That’s the cross we have to bare, the hand we have been dealt. Whatever other cheesy lines you can say. But the moments where I feel like I can’t breath, those gut wrenching moments of hopelessness are getting less and less. I have some great kids in my life, I don’t get to see all of them as much as we would like but they give me so much joy. I’m happy to have them in my life. I did have a rather s ..read more

I’ve been a little MIA the last few months, I can’t remember the last time I put pen to paper to share properly but it feels like I want to today. Yesterday was my 40th birthday. The already apocalyptic feel to 2020 coupled with my monthly showing her ugly face on the same day made it interesting to say the least. The irony of my monthly showing on this day was not lost on me. It’s true to say that if in my 20s that fresh faced Sharron had been told that she would reach 40 and still not have had children, she would have been horrified. What would really have shocked her would have been the kno ..read more

As you all know since 2004-5 my husband and I have been trying for children. It was a huge focus when we got married in 2009, we have continued to try until this year. How do you find out there’s a problem then continue to live normally and not loose the plot? Honestly, I don’t know that I did. I’ve been hugely effected by the journey so far. Adding to the fact that I lost my cousin who was more like my little bro four years ago to cancer. The cracks in my heart are pretty bad. I’m not the same person I was. I was the optimist. I always had a good angle to put on any situation. That’s slowly d ..read more

I love NYE it brings with it a potential to wash the previous months away. A fresh start. Every year as we desperately tried for our family, a new year would provide a new hope. An opportunity to say, “This is our year, next year we will stand here holding our baby or bump” As more time passed, that New Years wish made on the stroke of midnight became more of a plea – Please let this be the last year I am childless. As we move into almost the 16th year of trying there will be no wish this year. As the hope has now gone. I move forward with only the wish that my heart can heal. I no longer want ..read more

As the outside world starts to turn cold again, if it ever really was warm in the first place. The leaves start to turn their various beautiful shades of orange. Autumn is here and I reflect on how this used to be my favourite time of year. These few months before Christmas always felt so magical to me. I loved them! My birthday is this month. On the 19th. This year I will be 39. I mean…. really!!? 39!!! How did this happen!? I remember turning 30 and feeling like the world was ending because I didn’t have a child by then 30 was the big bad age! I look back on those times which were filled wit ..read more

As we set out on our journey to become parents. Fresh faced and still having sex just for fun ….. imagine!! Ahh those were the days. I was ever the optimist. I believed that the world had something to teach me out of every mistake or struggle….. like for example, when I was 16 and drank cans of special brew before a party and wore stupidly high heels, I promptly fell flat on my face trying to dance and injured my best mate (sorry Manda!) still the scratch can be seen today , I knew the world was teaching me that I was not a drinker. That and the huge hang over contributed to me being almost T ..read more

I remember being in the “thick of it” trying to conceive. Every month was a scramble through the cycle days, scheduled sex or treatments and then the dreaded two week wait that ultimately always ended with me crumpled on a bathroom floor with my monthly bitch or a negative test. Oh but if the tests negative we cling on to the fact that it’s maybe too early. Even though we know it isn’t and the fact is we just aren’t pregnant. Not even close. Damn it!! Looking back over the last 15 nearly 16 years of trying, 10 of them really really trying all I can think now is …. how much time I have wasted b ..read more

I’m starting this by saying it’s not related to our fertility journey, but as I have built my following online the fact we haven’t been able to have children has massively effected this decision, so I’m going to share it here. It feels right. A year ago I had a fairly bad car accident, this followed a couple of the worst years of my life. It almost bookended it. I lost our baby in the summer of 2015 and at the same time we were loosing my cousin, more like my little brother to leukaemia. He passed away in Jan 2016 and I thought I grieved at the time. Looking back I realise I did not. In fact I ..read more

It’s been a while since I wrote an actual blog, we have had a lot going on so it’s been hard to find something I could write about without spewing anger everywhere. My goal for so long has been to get pregnant, to have our baby. It’s been intense for so long that I don’t know how I let it go. But I want to, very badly. A month ago, just over. We sat with our fur baby as she took her last breaths. I remember thinking when we lost my cousin a couple of years ago, as we stood around the room as he was taking his last breaths …. nothing can hurt as much as this. It felt like I couldn’t breath from ..read more