What is PDA for me? I can only share my own experience. When I was interviewed this year by a national newspaper on PDA, I told them I only care about families who are in crisis and having a hard time not being further vilified by the story. I didn't engage in discussion around anything else. This is my focus. For me, It is inherent, and not acquired. I was born PDA and when I see people saying PDA is a trauma response, my skin crawls. A trauma response is a trauma response. PDA for me is not having a choice about whether I can do something or not. It’s not being able to push through. It’s a l ..read more

I recently heard a Clinical Psychologist recommend parents of PDAers do the following: - Have firmer boundaries - Use declarative language ("It's important we shower for healthy skin" to have child shower) - Continue to push child out of their comfort zone I want to address these.   A child in chronic distress, operating from their threat response is responding to the world from their primitive brain. This is separate to their prefrontal cortex and conscious mind. When working from the primitive responses, our ability to engage rationality, regulation, personality development and appropri ..read more

This year saw my beginnings in trauma therapy. While there are many definitions of what trauma therapy is, and varied approaches, I’m clear on one thing: this has been the most significant and most painful (and perhaps rewarding?) undertaking in all of my 45 years.  As I entered my office this morning at 6.05am, I paused to reflect on what was happening within-telling myself if I’d been up earlier, I could have managed more and been done by lunch time.  Therein lies the bullshit.  I’ve been a 4am riser. I’ve been an early starter all of my life. There’s nothing like the stillnes ..read more

In order to identify as neurodivergent, I have first had to understand what I diverge from. Most people hear the term neurodivergent and hear that I am diverging from ‘typical’. Typical neurobiology. But typical does not exist. It isn’t a biological fact at all, it isn’t defined in the DSM and even if it were, there’d be no evidence it existed. Typical = well behaved, well masked, well hidden, well oppressed, well hushed, well productive, well compliant, well white, well man, well healthy or at least pretending to be. Neurodiversity is a biological fact, difference among us. Diversity. S ..read more

This can actually be culturally and socially appropriate. We accept that teens do this as part of their identity formation and separation from us into their transition toward a sense of self in adolescence. We make jokes about “the teen years”, and many PDAers actually come into the world forming identity much sooner, believing themselves to be on par emotionally, intellectually with all people, of all ages. It’s not out of a lack of respect, but a non-adherence to age based social hierarchies, such as respecting elders because of their age; or complying with the requests of adults due to thei ..read more

This is an image of me, deep in the trenches, around a decade ago. My husband would message from work each day and ask how 'things' were. Some days, I couldn't speak. I'd send pictures. This was one of those days, and I remember and still feel that exact moment. I was in the bathroom, sobbing..again. I'm just shifting into recovery from that time around now. Lots of therapy, writing, singing, connection with Country. But back then? For six years, we were unable to leave the home as a family. I could count on one hand the amount of times I went anywhere. There isn't enough time or language or s ..read more

I've been reflecting on a powerful concept we discussed in our recent Q&A from inTune with PDA (Pathological Demand Avoidance). The art of living in the now, especially when supporting our children. I relate to this deeply as a parent. We often find ourselves caught up in the future, fretting over what's to come, don't we? And it's not easy to look ahead, or to shift our thoughts elsewhere when we're caught up in supporting our children; particularly when in crisis. I shared a story about my own experience - how I practice, where possible, shifting my focus from wo ..read more

So many people unconsciously spend (waste) their lives working toward what they hope will be peace, one day. Work hard, then rest. Main meal first, then dessert. Wees first, then poos. (I made that one up because order hurts my PDA autistic ADHD brain). We’ve been taught to abandon our birthrites and any kind of true, deep, connected pleasure from life; unless we are financially privileged and then we can do whatever we like. But those of us who long for the deeper connection with earth, with the ones we love, are also those of us who take on that collective guilt and gaslighting if we rest. I ..read more

Hello, I’m here writing. It isn’t easy, and it isn’t complete. Be patient with me, please, as I figure out a way to communicate this internalised experience, these thousands of thoughts, these physical movements that come along with those things and the way in which I "say" it all. I am a parent of four autistic children. They are all completely different. And yet, not so different in their residual experiences of being overlooked, forgotten, misunderstood, misjudged, by a society that just doesn't get it. In our best trying, sometimes we just don't get it. If it's not our experience, or that ..read more

Walt Whitman said "When I give, I give myself". Both a blessing and a curse, this is something I am forever navigating and managing. I'm someone that loves to give, because it makes me feel good to see others doing well, and because I will *never* forget where I have come from, it's always been important to me to pay it forward. On the flip side is a history of grief, loss and trauma associated with not knowing when to quit, staying in relationships too long, always giving the benefit of the doubt and giving chances, even when I sense someone is not trustworthy. And here's the thing: I know it ..read more