The Al Morton Takeout
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It has been another year of Brexit Benefits that remain as illusive as the Loch Ness Monster. The pointlessly renamed Twitter continues to fill our timelines with deportation nonsense, and honesty and integrity remain taxing issues for the government. At least our green-washed British Prime Minister, Seven-Bins Sunak has been able to save us from the iniquitous meat tax. 'Levelling..
The Al Morton Podcast
6M ago
Episode 21. This special edition celebrates the spirit of HS2 cancel-culture as we salute the British green-washed, Prime Minister Rishi Sunak. I suggest alternative uses for the Bibby Stockholm ‘stop-the-boats’ prison barge. Baroness Barbie tells us about her first day in the House of Lords and I come face-to-face with the perils of The Telegraph dating App. We find out why piranha-like fish are attacking tourists around Benidorm's beaches. We also visit X, the pointlessly renamed Twitter, to reveal who was responsible for the vulgar EU flag waving during ‘Rule, Britannia!’ on the last night ..read more
The Al Morton Takeout
11M ago
Episode 20. In this edition, we take a deeper dive into the world of artificial intelligence and the grifters who exploit it. We find out what happens when your kinkbot virtual girlfriend decides to dump you. We use a pirate treasure map to locate a Brexit benefit and drop in at the Tory Party election Death Star for a dose of anger-management therapy. In addition, we meet GB News’ democracy expert and real-life Thunderbird puppet, Lady V - who wants all protesters locked up. Oooh hold my beer! And finally, get ready for a showdown with a banking app as we learn the reason why the 2001 Space O ..read more
The Al Morton Takeout
1y ago
In Episode 17, it’s time to load up those cost-of-living pitchforks and light the ‘angry mob’ torches as we head down to Westminster to demand more money for MPs and tax cuts for the rich. We discuss what was found in the FBI raid on Trump’s Mar-a-Lago estate, and ask if Liz Truss really is Lady Penelope's marionette puppet from Thunderbirds. Will she even be capable of replacing our magnificent sex-god prime minister? Pamela from Eltham thinks not! We return to the Tory Party Death Star to learn how a proper Evil Empire would deal with pesky refugees. There will be Mumsnet ice cream recipes f ..read more
The Al Morton Takeout
2y ago
In Episode 16, I feature a clash between Jack Monroe, author of Cooking on a Bootstrap, and a right-wing troll on social media. I explore the attention deficit caused by swiping video shorts on TikTok, Instagram and YouTube, and ask if this is harming our mental health. It turns into a bit of a rant (sorry). There is an update on the story about the bear that broke into an Italian bakery. Spoiler alert: this time he’s causing mayhem on a train. We try to interview the porn actor who was fired for watching politics on his phone whilst on the job and ask the question: Which tractors are the sexi ..read more
The Al Morton Takeout
2y ago
In Episode 15 we meet the captain of the Brexit & Orient Pirate Ship, Spirit of Britain (now registered in Cypress). We visit an Italian bakery as Carrito, a rare wild bear, goes full ‘tonto’ and scoffs all the biscuits. We also try to save a big dog called Boris after it eats a pair of the British prime minister’s socks in an Italian castle. Finally, Mike Britton, jazz-guitar twanger to the stars, explains why he had to give his award back and shares a few tips on keeping warm during the fuel crisis. I hope you can find the time to join me in this face-slapping, Kinder-Egg Surprise of a T ..read more
The Al Morton Takeout
2y ago
Episode 14: This edition drops in on the British Prime as he fields a caller from the Queen mid-Downing Street party. Brenda from Bristol adds her voice to the political maelstrom and we hear from a Cov-idiot on a train. I chat about the Winter of Discontent then join the British Foreign Secretary as she jets off to Ozz in search of Brexit benefits for farmers. I take the Spanish test for drivers nearing their sell-by date and visit the doctor’s where I have to explain why I threw my bag into a bin full of used masks. We finish off with an uplifting contribution from Mike Britton. There will b ..read more
The Al Morton Takeout
2y ago
Warning! This podcast includes some adult content. Welcome to Episode 13. Are you ready to party? Then join Dick Dastardly Johnson and the leader of the Ant Hill gang as they argue over the wine and cheesy nibbles at the annual lockdown Prime Minister’s quiz. I reveal if Joe Biden really is the Tinsel-Torcher of Mid-Town Manhattan who set fire to the Fox News Christmas tree. We also discover Hank Marvin’s favourite guitarist. Can you guess who it is yet? So get ready to be entertained by our very own Secret Santa, ostentatiously breaking the lockdown in this One-Rule-For-Us, One-Yule-For-Them ..read more
The Al Morton Podcast
2y ago
Episode 12 has a watery green theme (well more brown than green really). It includes an extract of Greta Thunberg singing outside of the COP26 Climate Change Conference in Glasgow; the Royal Family share their tips on fighting global warming, and I challenge sitting British MPs to swim in the water near Bristol. We also ask the question: Where does British salt come from and is it safe to eat snack foods that list it as a non-EU ingredient? Finally, my great friend Mike Britton responds to a freedom of information request for details about how musicians are treated on cruises. We learn about t ..read more
The Al Morton Takeout
2y ago
Episode 11 asks: Does the word ‘Foreign’ in Foreign Office stand for the department of overseas holidays? We catch up with an ex-minister in charge as he tries to repatriate a painting of Her Majesty the Queen from the British Embassy in Kabul and also some dogs. We drop in on President Biden in the White House as he fields a difficult call from the British prime minister. I chat about the morality of the cruise industry and answer the big question: What time is the midnight buffet?
Sadly, the B-word does get mentioned throughout as I summarise where the UK is, in getting Brexit done. Why is i ..read more
The Al Morton Takeout
2y ago
A 3-minute 50-second trailer for Episode 10 - You Only Lie Twice with 1-minute extracts from: 'Piranhas', 'Tea For Two', 'Global Britain in Space', and 'Pink Floyd called my Grandma ..read more