My actual anniversary date is February 22nd, but writing about it before sometimes helps minimize the anxiety on that day. I still sometimes think it's all just a nightmare and I'm waiting to wake up. How could someone who claimed to love you physically, verbally and emotionally abuse you over and over for years!? When I look back at the last four years, it seems like it was yesterday in some ways and decades ago in other ways. I have learned a lot about myself the past four years and I am still learning each and every day. Blogging is very therapeutic, but exhausting for me. Most of my blogs ..read more

I was cleaning out my emails because I had over 10,000. Sooooo if you ever email me other than on here, just know I don’t check that often. Text or call is best! ‍♀️ I stumbled upon an old draft from 3/23/2018 labeled Abuse. I do not remember writing the draft. I have no recollection possibly due to the concussion I had just suffered 6 weeks prior and was still suffering from Post Concussion Syndrome. It was really tough reading through this draft from 5.5 years ago me! I was starting to realize how bad my life was, but stuck and unable to leave. I feel so many emotions reading it. Too many “w ..read more

As my three-year anniversary of being free from seven years of mental, verbal and physical abuse approaches, so many things have happened all at once. My freedom date is February 22, 2020. I am posting early to help with my anxiety of an "anniversary." It may help ease my anxiety or it may not. The nightmares have been back the past few weeks, so if I post now maybe they will stop. I will start this with how this anniversary was affecting me and how I feel I have changed in these three years. I have done a good job controlling my overthinking, anxiety and beginning my journey of self-love. Wit ..read more

I have sat down and written a handful of blogs in the past few months, but deleted every single one. It feels good to write down my thoughts and feelings, even if they don't end up being public worthy. I started this blog beginning of October. It's taken me weeks of deleting parts, adding parts and finding the right words. October has become a special month to me because it is Domestic Violence Awareness Month. Should we only focus on being kind and stopping abuse 1 month a year? Ummmm NO, but it is one step in the right direction acknowledging it and that has led to more and more people speak ..read more

It’s crazy to think it has been 2 years since what I thought at the time was the worst day of my life and I had nothing, but really it was one of the best days of my life and I have everything I need! 2 years seems like forever ago, but also feels like yesterday. Sounds ridiculous right!? My journey the past 2 years has had its ups and downs, but mostly ups. I take that as a win! Seems like yesterday in some ways because I vividly remember those final words he said to hurt me, the smells of the garage where it took place, him coming after me to choke me as Haley came out to the garage and the ..read more

The past month has been tough! My beautiful, free spirited and stubborn cousin was brutally beaten, left for days to die in a trailer and when the murderers couldn’t get the trailer out of where they parked it, they set her & the trailer on fire. I can’t even write that without falling apart. I can’t imagine what she went thru. We can only hope she was knocked out and didn’t suffer. My cousin, Annysa, was also 7 months pregnant with a baby girl! She had kept her pregnancy quiet, but stated if she ever had a girl, she would name her Karma. The name Grace was picked by her dad and half siste ..read more

It’s been awhile again. Guess that means life has been busy and good. I gotta say life has been pretty great actually. I finally feel I am where I am supposed to be at the right exact time. Haven’t had that feeling in over 15 years when Eli was born. Honestly, I think the only times I’ve felt that was when my 3 amazing kids were born. Those 3 days nothing else mattered! Then, the rest of the days got clouded with toxic people wether it was who I was in a relationship with, a crazy aunt or fake friends. Seems I attracted that back then. I have come to realize my empathy is why. I would allow pe ..read more

I have to say thank you for the continued love and support. My heart is overwhelmed with the messages that have continued pouring in the past 16 months wondering how I’m doing or letting me know they’re here for me. It’s been 1.5yrs since the break up and coming up on 1yr exactly from letting the truth of the abuse out. It has been quite the adventure. I feel healthy and more importantly, happy with who I am and where I am today! My kids, family & friends are always good for some laughs, cuddles, healthy banter and crazy dance parties. They have been there for the good and bad which has be ..read more

I remember the days leading up to the day my abuser finally decided to get sober. It was literally a week from hell of him drinking from the time he woke up til the time he passed out. Every night he would puke and every night I would take care of him and clean him up. He wet the bed a few nights before “sober day”. Sadly, that wasn’t unusual. Many times I would wake up to him soaking our bed and blankets while he just kept on snoring. Every time I cleaned it all up. Some nights, I was lucky and realized it happened from rolling over and feeling it before it got all over me. Other times, I’d w ..read more

It is safe to say 2020 was not the best year for most people for so many different reasons. For my family and friends, it was a terrible year of political fights, racism, inequality, Covid, dealing with personal problems and death! I want to be optimistic for 2021, but so far it has started off with so much hate all around our country. I still believe 2021 will be an amazing year! I received an amazing gift that is a necklace of an outline of a rainbow which means to OVERCOME! I wear it daily to remind me I have the power to overcome and I choose to overcome! I have the same hope for our coun ..read more