It’s Ok Not to Be Ok
It's Jai Marie
by itsjaimarie
3w ago
I’m not ok, and if I’m being honest, I can’t remember the last time I truly felt ok. Most days, I feel like I’m swimming in an endless sea of difficult emotions and struggling to stay afloat. I start most mornings by having a 30 to 60-minute crying session before pulling myself together to tackle the day ahead. And that’s if I’m able to pull myself together. Some days, I can’t manage to do anything other than make my coffee and get back in bed. I’m filled with heartache, anger, grief, confusion about myself and life, feelings of worthlessness, negativity, and just an overall sense of pain– so ..read more
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I’ve Made a Home Out of Our Love – Poetry
It's Jai Marie
by itsjaimarie
2M ago
I’ve made a home out of our love, A safe space that I fear will be burned to the ground. I give you the love that I’ve never given anyone from my past, And in return, I’m met with reciprocated energy. Our days together have turned into weeks, Then months. And each day I feel the barrier I once had around my heart softening more. You often speak of us in the future tense, As though you want me around long-term. I’ve made a home out of our love, And some days I question why it feels so pure. Some days I find myself waiting for the inevitable to happen. Allowing past trauma to affect the present ..read more
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My Biggest Accomplishment of 2023 Was Staying Alive When I Wanted to Die
It's Jai Marie
by itsjaimarie
3M ago
A few weeks ago, during therapy, I casually mentioned that I felt like the only thing I accomplished this year was staying alive. The words rolled off my tongue without a second thought, and I began to beat myself up for not achieving “more”. I thought I’d have more, do more, and be more by now. I thought I’d be further along and basking in all my accomplishments by now. When 2023 started, I envisioned a whole different year for myself– hell, I imagined myself in a whole different body by the end of the year. Yet, here I am, realizing that my biggest accomplishment of 2023 was staying alive. W ..read more
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5 Ways to Survive a Bad Mental Health Day
It's Jai Marie
by itsjaimarie
4M ago
As someone who has been living with co-occurring mental health disorders since I was a child, I’m no stranger to experiencing bad mental health days. We all have days when we wake up and struggle to get out of bed; those days when we’re not sure if we’ll be able to push through and accomplish the tasks on our to-do list. Even if you don’t live with a mental health condition, you’ll likely experience a bad day at some point.  During these days, it’s important to be equipped with the tools necessary to manage your thoughts and feelings. Bad mental health days can make us feel hopeless, but ..read more
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Soothing Sundays – Creating Daily Routines
It's Jai Marie
by itsjaimarie
6M ago
A few months ago, when I was in a depressive episode, I stopped practicing all of my daily routines. This included my morning and night routine as well as my spiritual practices. Depression swept in and swallowed me whole, and I didn’t have the mental strength to do much of anything. Once life began improving, I slowly started incorporating small parts of my routines into each day. That low period in my life made me realize the importance of creating daily routines. It’s even more pivotal for someone like myself who lives with bipolar disorder to have structure throughout my day.  My smal ..read more
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Trusting the Flow of Your Life
It's Jai Marie
by itsjaimarie
7M ago
Flow – The action or fact of moving along in a steady continuous stream; a steady continuous stream of something. If you read my previous blog post, you know that life has been lifing these past few months. Things are finally beginning to align with the life I envision for myself. After some time spent in the darkness, the light has returned. As I reflect on the state of my mental health and how it felt like I didn’t have anything good going on for three or four months, I’m reminded that I need to trust in both divine timing and the flow of life.  Trusting the flow of my life looks like k ..read more
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Still I Write
It's Jai Marie
by itsjaimarie
8M ago
It has been several months since I last published a blog post. My last attempt at drafting a post was on May 28th. After struggling to write the first 500 words, I gave up. So many transformations have occurred since posting my previous blog. At one point, it felt like I was losing my passion for writing, and I wondered if I should delete my blog entirely. Since 2015, I’ve nurtured this blog and dedicated countless hours to ensuring it’s not only a safe space but also one that educates and inspires others. Writing has always been my passion, whether it’s in the form of creating short stories ..read more
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A Letter to Bipolar Disorder
It's Jai Marie
by itsjaimarie
1y ago
I wish that I could separate myself from you. You take up space in every inch of my life, and just when I think I have a chance to breathe, you reappear in full effect. How is it that I love and hate you simultaneously? I love that you’ve allowed me to connect with so many other beautiful souls. In sharing about my journey with you online, I’ve found community and helped others who are struggling. I hate that you’ve robbed me of truly living life. I hate that I’ve allowed you to suffocate me and leave me gasping for air. I hate that you make me want to give up on life. You make me feel crazy ..read more
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3/14/23 – Poetry
It's Jai Marie
by itsjaimarie
1y ago
My world is crumbling around me. What do I do when the darkness that is depression consumes me? I could drink away the pain, Only to have it return once I’m sober. I could have sex in an attempt to cope, But I can’t seem to give my body away these days. And I considered popping pills and ending it all, But I’m afraid of dying. When others ask how I’m doing, I lie and say, “I’m doing well.” No one knows that it’s all a facade. What I really want to say is, I’ve barely slept in days, And I feel numb. Empty. Worthless. I feel like I’m such a burden that everyone’s life would be better if I were g ..read more
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Journal Entry – Manifesting the Life of My Dreams
It's Jai Marie
by itsjaimarie
1y ago
I have nothing, yet somehow I have everything. My life is fulfilling. I wake up each day excited about the opportunity to create the life I desire. I go to sleep every night feeling fulfilled. I have so much peace. My heart is content and filled with an abundance of joy. I’m manifesting the life of my dreams. As I stated, I have nothing while still having everything. Everything I want is already mine.  A few months ago, I found myself in such a low place. I allowed others to come in and disturb my peace. It took a while for me to rise from the darkness, but here I am. Better than I was. I ..read more
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