Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com I’m bipolar. I require prescription medication to manage this mental illness. I’ve been on medication for a number of years, and it has allowed me to lead a “normal” life (whatever THAT means). Mania and depression have plagued me for so long…it was a welcome, overwhelming wash of “even-temperedness” and well-being that came over me with the appropriate medicine. I just felt CALM; something I hadn’t enjoyed for quite some time. It took a while to find the right dosages,, but my doctor and I have finally found the right combination. I know it may not last forever ..read more

Photo by fotografierende on Pexels.com I am taking time to write, for the first time in 4 weeks. I have been consumed by a voracious need to create artistically, fueled by a recent volunteer position I’ve accepted. I’m doing freelance graphic design for a wonderful nonprofit. I’ve been given complete artistic freedom (intoxicating) and almost no guidelines or rules. All of this makes for one VERY excited designer/writer! So, I’ve been spending 10/12 hours a day volunteering/designing for this nonprofit. I was already setup to work from home, with my MacBook and Adobe Creative Suite, so it was ..read more

Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com I’ve heard it many times. What a great loss, the “art of letter writing.” I have to agree, and would extend the sentiment to include almost all hand writing, especially in junior high/high school. There were love letters, to and from my first love; notes to friends (written in or out of school); and various pieces of writing for class. Notes to and from friends – they were the best, and I greatly anticipated their “arrival,” as we traded notes in the halls of high school. My best friend Beth and I crafted creative work that made us laugh and exercised our creativ ..read more

Photo by Tima Miroshnichenko on Pexels.com after being unceremoniously discharged from my psychiatrist/therapist of over 20 years, I’m in the business, once again, of interviewing a new therapist (I’ve found a psychiatrist). I’ve got Medicare and it’s covered…just need to find one that participates with Medicare. Not too hard, but it’s the rapport and the relationship that I’m looking for. I’ve been in therapy since 5th grade, and have been exposed to a couple of different approaches. As a fifth grader patient (four and a half decades ago), my memories consist of doing lots of art work, learni ..read more

So we ended up there. And we stayed there, in and out, for months, until the end. I would NEVER have guessed that cancer would find us. I thought “I have MS…isn’t that enough?” But God saw it differently, and I have to live with that. I dream of that morning, when he aspirated blood all over the bathroom sink, and I had to call 911. I thought he was dying right then. And when I was removing the fluid from his lung daily, he became very abusive. He was so angry – I understand that now. He called me names and said VERY hurtful things…things I NEVER thought he’d say to me. EVER. But he apologize ..read more

He died yesterday, May 27, 2017. I have felt him, in millions of ways, and have HEARD him a lot lately. This is a relatively “new” sensation. I can remember conversations with him (and that includes how he responded; if we laughed; whether we were in the car or not, etc)….all those things. But this past week, I have heard his “actual voice.” It started in my dreams. I “heard” him, and we talked about all kinds of things that I cannot for the life of me remember. But his voice…it was magical, and when I woke up, I found myself trying desperately to commit the sounds to memory. Please, please G ..read more

Geez, I can’t believe I’ve been away from this blog so long. I’ve become very bad at setting limits. this is made evident by my latest obsessive/compulsion with freelance graphics. I was a marketing publications designer in my other life and marketing director during my full-time career. I’ve been away from it twenty years, but recently was presented with an interesting opportunity. A friend of my sister’s works with a non-profit, and needs graphic support. I jumped on it, as I have the skill set and the software to create. I’ve been obsessing ever since. I’m talking 10+ hours a day, breaking ..read more

I use it. it helps a great deal with chronic pain, depression and anxiety. I say this knowing I’ll be judged and looked down upon by lots of readers. this is unfortunate, but does not sadden me. if you’ve had chronic pain, you get it. I hope the rest of you never have it. but if you do, you can’t say what you’ll do for relief. I don’t take narcotics anymore. I dealt with addiction and beat it. it wasn’t easy. but I did it. I went back to suffering in silence. that is, until medical marijuana became available to me. I was unfamiliar with the effects, but my neurologist discussed how the pot mi ..read more

I have this love/hate relationship with summer. it’s terrifying to have to wear LESS clothing, because of the seasonal temperatures. it’s horrible to be SCARED of summer. but I also LOVE summer. I like reasonably warm temps. and I love that it stays light later. I like fresh fruits and vegetables. laying by the beach, catching some rays. these are all good things, to me. so, it’s hard to feel so conflicted as summer approaches. I have SO many cute clothes that have never been worn. but they all have self-imposed “rules” attached to them…”these shorts make me look fat,” “my arms are too expose ..read more

it took a while, for me to discover that it was abuse. in the beginning, it just seemed to be good-natured ribbing, like you would do with a good friend. maybe not your girlfriend, but still it seemed innocuous. harmless even. that is until it WASN’T. the graphic in this piece is a fairly good representation of how I felt on numerous occasions. when he started on my clothing and appearance is when I started to feel worthless. he’d critcize hair and makeup all the time. nothing ever looked right unless he gave it his approval. I loved his attention, early on. it became scary when he wanted to ..read more