Understanding Attachment Styles and Their Effect on Relationships
Diane's Blog
by Diane Poole Heller
1M ago
What is Attachment and Why is It Important?  After working with thousands of clients and leading hundreds of group training sessions over the last 30 years, I strongly believe that our attachment styles play a critical role in how we interact and relate in our adult relationships—including intimate partnerships, work relationships and parenting/caregiving dynamics.  Our attachment styles influence how we form relationships, how we communicate, and how we express and respond to caring behaviors.  Unfortunately, attachment styles may also generate an assortment of unhealthy habit ..read more
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Video Blog – Happy Labor Day 2021
Diane's Blog
by Diane Poole Heller
1M ago
Happy Labor Day! We celebrate Labor Day in the US by appreciating workers and their commitment to their jobs and their contributions to society as a whole. What are your unique gifts and contributions? Take a moment to think about it. How have you done well to make a difference? Let’s take a moment to acknowledge that in each other – think of your neighbors, friends, and other coworkers. It’s a wonderful focus to have. Secure Attachment in the Workplace Let’s consider what happens in the workplace with our attachment styles. With secure attachment, we hit the jackpot. We are comfortable worki ..read more
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Toxic Shame: What It Is and What to Do about It
Diane's Blog
by Diane Poole Heller
1M ago
Shame is a popular topic these days, with educators and mental health professionals alerting us to the effects of toxic shame on our health and wellbeing. But identifying toxic shame and how it creeps into our lives and relationships—particularly our relationship with ourselves—can be quite tricky.  You may have heard about the effects of toxic shame from speakers like Brené Brown in her many Ted Talks and YouTube videos about the topic, but what can feel confusing is identifying when toxic shame creeps into our lives today and impacts our relationships, particularly with oneself. What Is ..read more
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Video Blog: Happy Independence Day!
Diane's Blog
by Diane Poole Heller
1M ago
I want to wish you a Happy Independence Day in America. Here in America, we like to emphasize autonomy, individuation, how we take care of ourselves, pull ourselves up by our bootstraps, and do empowering, powerful, and resilient things. We have talked about the importance of independence and dependence – we need both to have interdependence, which is the hallmark of healthy relationships. So let’s look at that through the lens of attachment for a minute. Secure Attachment in Relationships When we develop secure attachment, we are comfortable with our own needs, expressing our needs, meeting ..read more
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Video Blog: Happy Father’s Day 2021
Diane's Blog
by Diane Poole Heller
1M ago
What Is a Father? Fathers play an impactful role. Ideally, they provide a container of safety and security for the entire family. I learned a lot from my dad. I’m sure you could take a moment to reflect on how your dad has influenced you. My dad instilled a sense of service and helping my community. He was a kind of simple guy who walked his walk. My father was also a quiet man; he was not very boisterous but gave us strong values in my family. Dads often provide us with guidance. What kind of guidance or wisdom did you receive from your father? What Kind of Father Do You Want to Be? It’s lov ..read more
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Video Blog – Honoring Memorial Day
Diane's Blog
by Diane Poole Heller
1M ago
Let’s take a moment to remember those close to us who have given their lives serving our country. Let’s extend that globally to all of the men and women who were brave warriors for their own countries, and take a moment to feel that gratitude for them. At the end of WWI, Miss Moina Michaels found a beautiful poem by Colonel John McCrae called “In Flanders Fields.” It talks about how the turned-over dirt made way for poppies to grow. Here is a copy of that poem: In Flanders Fields In Flanders Fields, the poppies blow Between the crosses, row on row, That mark our place; and in the sky The ..read more
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May: Celebrating Mothers and Mothering Presence
Diane's Blog
by Diane Poole Heller
1M ago
May is time to celebrate Mother’s Day. Take a moment to reflect on your relationship with your mother. Sometimes our relationships with our mothers are challenging, but we can look at what or who provided a loving, nurturing and mothering presence. Even a male person, like a father or brother, can have a mothering presence. See if you can take that in and absorb the loving-kindness, words, and gestures to build your capacity to take that in. I had a challenging relationship with my mom, and just a few years ago, I began to think of the little things she did for me – having soup for me after sc ..read more
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Video Blog: Try an Exercise “Create-a-Day” for Secure Attachment This Spring
Diane's Blog
by Diane Poole Heller
1M ago
Spring is a time for renewal, but it might also be time to try something new for neuroplasticity. I like to call these Create-a-Days where you set aside time to engage in your interests, but you never seem to have time. Create-a-Day could include new recipes, trying new art galleries, planting a garden for the first time. The important thing is to get you out of your comfort zone. You could include your family. Family adventure and play-zone time together can promote secure attachment. Lifelong learning promotes neuroplasticity and keeps your dendrites growing! You could meet new people, and a ..read more
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Video: Dr. Heller on FoxNews about Trauma Resources after the Boulder Shootings
Diane's Blog
by Diane Poole Heller
1M ago
Colorado therapists, Dr. Diane Poole Heller and Jennifer Silacci were interviewed on FoxNews on March 26, 2021, to discuss the far-reaching arms of trauma and how each time one of these mass shooting events occurs, it can re-trigger the families and communities. Re-opening these wounds does not have an expiration date, even as far back as Columbine and beyond. Resources for Trauma Therapy Boulder, CO In case you missed it in the last post, you can find free and low-cost therapy at Therapy Aid Coalition. You can watch the news story here: https://kdvr.com/news/boulder-grocery-store-shooting/get ..read more
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Response to Boulder Tragedy: Tips to Calm the Nervous System and Therapy Resources
Diane's Blog
by Diane Poole Heller
1M ago
I want to take a moment to acknowledge the mass shooting tragedies that have occurred in the US in Atlanta, GA on March 16th, 2021 and Boulder, CO on March 22nd, 2021. For families of other mass shootings, even those as long ago as Columbine, these events can be triggering, causing the reliving of grief, loss and fear for people across the country. I want to make sure people have access to help. Jennifer Silacci and her organization, Therapy Aid Coalition, are providing resources for those traumatized by recent events. Therapy Aid Coalition organizes a network of psychotherapists nationwide to ..read more
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