I WANNA BE AN ASSHOLE
The Hack
by thehacktriathlonblog
2y ago
About 23 years ago, when I was fresh out of university, I did what all neophyte B.Ed. graduates embarking on a personal mission to save the world one teenager at a time does: I became a substitute teacher and quickly discovered that it was arguably one of the most difficult, thankless jobs on the planet…if you allow it to be, that is.  Though high school students are rarely as happy as when they find out they will have a substitute teacher, they tend to demonstrate their affection for the profession by offering a grand total of zero respect to the person occupying the role on any given d ..read more
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A FISH TALE
The Hack
by thehacktriathlonblog
3y ago
I suppose you’ve heard the saying, “Not all liars are fishermen, but all fishermen are liars”.  As a young boy, whenever I would hear someone boast of the giant fish they had caught or the enormous bounty they had managed to haul in, I assumed they were full of shit and simply piling on extra evidence to support the theory that all fishermen tend to engage in the art of deception.  Where I grew up, there was neither a vast quantity of fish nor was there anything close to a remarkable variety that any local piscator could try to lure into the boat.  This was due largely to the u ..read more
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TASTES LIKE PISS
The Hack
by thehacktriathlonblog
3y ago
Have you ever noticed that when many people drink something the taste of which they are not particularly fond, they tend to scrunch up their face, close their eyes, shake their head from side to side and invariably announce, with considerable consternation, that the concoction they have just ingested, “tastes like piss”?  Now, being a person capable of reason, you probably correctly think to yourself, “Dude, how do you know?  You’ve never actually tasted piss.  Just because you have eaten asparagus and washed it down with a double espresso, waited two hours then gone to the bat ..read more
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IT’S NOT THE GATORS
The Hack
by thehacktriathlonblog
3y ago
I remember one year back in college, my brother and I dragged my father to Florida the first week of March for a little ‘escape the winter’ golfing get-away.  On that trip I met a man whose real name I can’t for the life of me remember, but insisted we call him ‘Bun’, who, without knowing it, taught me a very valuable life lesson: if you focus too closely on one thing, something you may never have noticed will get you in the end. The trip itself was only marginally successful due to the fact that the weather in Florida that year was just as shitty as it was back home in Montreal, only wi ..read more
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SUSSUDIO
The Hack
by thehacktriathlonblog
3y ago
I hate Phil Collins.  There, I said it.  Though it feels pretty good to get that off my chest, I do admit I feel a slight twinge of guilt saying it…I do definitely hate him though.  The reason I feel a touch uncomfortable is that it isn’t entirely his fault that I feel the way I do; at least not directly.  In fact, his involvement ends where he had the audacity to compose the song Sussudio, and for that, I simply cannot forgive him because it was used, quite effectively, as an evil weapon of torture against me back in college. It all happened at the beginning of Christmas ..read more
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BEER AND VITAMIN PILLS
The Hack
by thehacktriathlonblog
3y ago
It is not necessary to be stupid to do stupid things.  As a matter of fact, sometimes it takes a decent level of scientific wherewithal to be an idiot.  What I mean to say is that it is possible to use a slightly warped scientific method to justify, at least to yourself, exhibiting a fair amount of half-witted behaviour.  In other words, you can delude, or pretend to delude, yourself, or, at the very least choose to ignore the reality that exists right in front of you, by employing a smattering of pseudo-scientific reasoning. I had a roommate in college, Lennie Marlowe (not his ..read more
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YEAH, I STILL RUN
The Hack
by thehacktriathlonblog
3y ago
Last weekend an ex-colleague of mine contacted me to say he had read my book and, seeing as a good chunk of it was dedicated to how much time I spend training, he asked me if I still ran and rode my bike as much as I had when we worked together.  My simple reply was, “Of course”, followed by, “probably more than ever”.  As is the case with most non-endurance athletes, he was perplexed and asked me the same two questions I get several times a month: “Why?” and the requisite follow up, “Why don’t you just relax and take it easy for a while?”.  I am not certain he was ready for my ..read more
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‘TIS BUT A SCRATCH
The Hack
by thehacktriathlonblog
3y ago
Growing up there were very few things that I looked forward to more than, or enjoyed quite as much as, playing pitch and catch with my father on the lawn in front of our house.  Everything about it was great: warm weather, sporting activity, spending quality alone time with my dad.  Thinking about it now, there were only two negative aspects about the activity.  First, since we usually played in the evening after supper, there always seemed to be six or seven million mosquitos all vying for the blood-suckable real-estate on my, usually bare, chest and back.  The other was ..read more
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EINSTEIN GOES TO DUNKIN DONUTS
The Hack
by thehacktriathlonblog
3y ago
The other day a colleague of mine pulled me out of my office to watch one of his students play badminton.  Apparently, I just had to see this kid dominate his classmates who were having a hard time scoring a single point.  I reluctantly left what I was doing and watched, unimpressed, for ten or fifteen minutes, politely said, “Not bad”, returned to my office, secretly cursing him for busting my spare and interrupting my lesson planning, and contemplated the Theory of Relativity.  According to the website www.dummies.com, Einstein’s theory was based on two principles: The Princi ..read more
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THE LACROSSE BALL MORALITY TEST
The Hack
by thehacktriathlonblog
3y ago
It has been quite difficult in the past several weeks to watch the news without feeling the need to take a cleansing shower afterwards.  Fragmented morality, at best, seems to have become the default setting of an ever-increasing number of the politicians we have entrusted the stewardship of our planet, and I have been wondering whether John Dalberg-Acton was correct when he said, “Power tends to corrupt, and absolute power corrupts absolutely…”.  Thinking about whether or not I would act similarly, I was reminded of an incident that happened when I was in the sixth grade which was ..read more
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