*** TRIGGER WARNING: The following blog discusses violence against children *** Perception is king in a small town. If the family appeared normal in the public eye, all was well, regardless of what happened behind closed doors. It’s how my parents operated. Our well-kept home hid the fact that the first eighteen years of my life were a fear-inducing, tension-filled existence. The sound of Sunday football games on TV still elicits a sick feeling in my stomach The home was a place where I pretended not to exist. I couldn’t express any natural childlike tendencies, such as joy or exuberance. I wo ..read more

Stepping into the Shoes of Who You Are is a nice metaphor for coming to wear the shoes of who you are—perhaps for coming back to wearing… once again. Here I am, standing in the depression of a gut-ugly emotion-tinged experience and habitually wearing a cleverly designed mask The actuality of your life’s wonderous expression of self, my god, without permission to be, seems such a perpetual, lonely, toxic nightmare of living. At least for many, and most distinctly, it has been for me. Here I am, standing in the depression of a gut-ugly emotion-tinged experience and habitually wearing a cleverly ..read more

In the realm of well-being and healing, the term “self-regulation” often conjures images of calm and serenity. However, the depth of self-regulation extends far beyond the tranquil surface it might suggest. In this exploration, we delve into the profound layers of self-regulation, dismantling misconceptions and uncovering the true essence that lies beneath the still waters. Defining Self-Regulation: Unveiling its Multifaceted Nature At its core, self-regulation is not merely about achieving a state of calm. It is a dynamic, sometimes complex, and multifaceted process that involves the unconsci ..read more

Denial was a key component of my toxic family system. I could feel that big fat elephant in the middle of the living room. Most often, I chose to tip-toe around it. As an empath, I could clearly feel the tangible reality of the insidious storyline the denial would create. Speaking up and naming the truth could lead to a fierce punishment. I refrained from poking a hole through the denial’s dense cloak in exchange for some faulty sense of safety through allegiance. Mind-fluffing screams of “you’re crazy,”  “you’re making up stories,” or “you lying son of a *itch” would come flooding my way ..read more

In adapting to the circumstances of growing up with relational trauma, most of us had to give up our innate sense of personal power or sovereignty Generally, this meant having to forfeit our agency, vibrancy, energy, or creativity.  Most of all, it meant no one was mirroring our emotions; no one “close” to us was there to help soothe difficult feelings or join us in sharing our delights and successes.  In fact, for many clients I work with, the concept of having emotions is confounding and a little fear-inducing.  Exploring our emotions can feel intimidating because some clients ..read more

My name is Natalie, and I am a proud survivor of trauma who experienced 13 years of excruciating psychological torture that resulted in Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.  I decided to share my story to be a voice for those who are silently suffering from C-PTSD.  Please know that it is possible to heal. Survivors with C-PTSD develop symptoms as a result of severe, prolonged, and numerous incidents of childhood trauma, typically through situations of interpersonal cruelty or traumas of a relational nature.  Studies show that the prefrontal cortex of our brain doesn’t fully ..read more

Obedience to the light, the authentic self-image felt from deep within, a calling. It is set against an illuminating seductive “delusion” developing, in a lifelong desperate striving to succeed, to become the ace in a gambler’s magic deck of cards… the false self. A solution felt to be the answer to human suffering, an identity, an embodiment of the honored heroes we have seen or imagined, the learned impact of strength, now an internal quest for personal power. Abandoning our inner truth, pushing aside, tamping down the emotional reality bubbling from deep within, that ace in the deck haunts ..read more

In the therapy room, there’s a four-letter word that creates unease in my nervous system every time I hear it: “lazy.” Working with trauma survivors, I witness the fallout of abusive and neglectful households, and the last thing I want to hear is my incredible clients labeling themselves with a term that doesn’t do justice to their struggles and triumphs. So, let’s have a heart-to-heart about why it’s time to kick “lazy” to the curb and embrace the resilience that defines each one of you. In this discussion, we’ll delve into having self-compassion, acknowledging the intricate journey of healin ..read more

What does CPTSD feel like? Although Complex PTSD is different for everyone, these are some examples of what it feels like when having a flashback: Imagine jumping out of bed screaming at 3 AM, wide-eyed, terrified, with no idea where you are. Imagine always having one foot in the past and one foot in the present, unable to tell at times which is which. Imagine seeing or hearing something that triggers an unseen hand gripping your gut and pulling it out through your throat. Imagine feeling like you have a sign flashing on your forehead, “Damaged Goods!” and feeling you will never fit in. What a ..read more

“I’m lonely. And I’m lonely in some horribly deep way and for a flash of an instant, I can see just how lonely, and how deep this feeling runs. And it scares the shit out of me to be this lonely because it seems catastrophic.”― Augusten Burroughs, “Dry” All of us feel lonely from time to time. Whether it comes from a change of circumstances (moving, new job, kids leaving home) or is entirely innate, dealing with loneliness is a delicate yet arduous task.  Acknowledging Loneliness One of the hardest life lessons is examining your subconscious behaviors. While acknowledging your level of lo ..read more