Libby and Jules answer a listener who asks, "If boundaries are between you and you, then what is a boundary violation?" Jules also goes over her 6 steps to setting an external boundary. Jules' Website: https://www.julianetaylorshore.com/ Jules Book, Setting Boundaries that Stick: https://bookshop.org/p/books/setting-boundaries-that-stick-how-neurobiology-can-help-you-rewire-your-brain-to-feel-safe-connected-and-empowered-juliane-taylor-shore/19642175 --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/makingpolywork/message ..read more

The word "codependent" comes up a lot in polyamory spaces, but so often it is misused that it's losing its meaning. Libby talks about her dislike of the term, how she thinks it often is used to shame and pathologize perfectly normal human needs, and how she likes to talk about codependence differently. --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/makingpolywork/message ..read more

A lot of people are talking about boundaries now. But as Inigo Montoya once said, "You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means." In this episode Libby explains that boundaries are not a magic way to get people to do what you want them to do. --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/makingpolywork/message ..read more

Nothing is a hot-button topic quite like a couple looking to date the same person. A lot of people have only one piece of advice, "Don't," often served with heaping portions of shame and ridicule. Yet, year after year, established couples seek to find a shared partner, and many folks also seek relationships with established couples. Is there something to this? In this episode, Libby offers some thoughts on why you might want to date as a couple (or date a couple) and some helpful ideas on how to do this well. --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/makingpolywork/m ..read more

Increasingly, Libby hears from folks who are interested in polyamory to solve a problem: either they or their partner cheated, and they want to repair and stay together, and nonmonogamy seems like a solution. In this episode, Libby outlines why it's rarely that simple. --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/makingpolywork/message ..read more

Libby offers an uncomfortable but necessary reality check: love alone doesn't conquer all. --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/makingpolywork/message ..read more

We all carry stories with us about who we are, our place in the world, how others will see us, and what's possible for our lives. Some of these stories are stories we like, some are stories we want to write a new ending to. But did you know that try as you might to change the story, there's an invisible force that may be acting on you that might sabotage your efforts? In this episode, Libby talks about how your very own brain can stop you from changing your story, and some ideas for what you can do about that. Seven and a Half Lessons About the Brain by Lisa Feldman Barrett: https://bookshop.o ..read more

Do you sometimes use doing "the right" or "good' things as an excuse to then turn around and do "bad" or "selfish" things? There's a name for this - it's called moral licensing, and it may not just be messing up your goals, but possibly your relationships. The Willpower Instinct by Kelly McGonagal: https://bookshop.org/a/91754/9781583335086 Article on Moral Licensing: https://www.businessinsider.com/what-moral-licensing-means-2017-11 --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/makingpolywork/message ..read more

In Part 2, Polysecure author, Jessica Fern and Libby talk about a very specific arrangement that relates to privacy/secrecy: the Don't Ask, Don't Tell (DADT) relationship. Together they discuss why you might want a DADT arrangement, when it can work, and when it might not. Polysecure books: https://bookshop.org/p/books/the-complete-polysecure-bundle-jessica-fern/19677933  Southwest Lovefest (use code 'go slow' for 10% off): https://www.swlovefest.com/events/southwest-love-fest-2023 --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/makingpolywork/message ..read more

Polysecure author, Jessica Fern joins Libby to talk about a much-asked for topic, Privacy, Secrecy and Transparency. Together they share their own experiences, what they've learned, and how they advise people to handle sharing information. It can be tricky, but there are ways to make it easier! Polysecure books: https://bookshop.org/p/books/the-complete-polysecure-bundle-jessica-fern/19677933  Southwest Lovefest (use code 'go slow' for 10% off): https://www.swlovefest.com/events/southwest-love-fest-2023 --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/makingpolywork/me ..read more