Evita Sawyers has been polyamorous for over a decade and is a relationship coach who is well known for creating the instagram series "Today's Polyamory Reminder." Her book "A Polyamory Devotional," out October 20 from Thornapple Press, is 365 daily prompts for thinking through different issues and angles of interpersonal relating, filtered through a lens of nonmonogamy. On today's episode she discusses with Laura how the same issues of nonmonogamy that drive these reflections can drive self-knowledge that serve all our relationships, as well as discussing her work with Chanée Jackson-Kendall o ..read more

So much of polyamorous cohabitation advice implies that space is easy to come by - that you just have a guest room, or that it's simple to have silence or an extra floor to go to. But for many polyamorists this isn't the case, logistically. In cities and apartment living especially, space, distance, and existing parallel to your partners' relationships can feel like imaginary concepts that maybe other people get to have. Laura and Gabrielle Noel (@gabalexa on social media) discuss the practical and emotional realities of living in small spaces in today's episode. Follow Gabrielle everywhere @g ..read more

"Matrescence - the process of becoming a mother - is something we only talk about in the most glorified tone culturally, and it is in fact really difficult and isolating and kind of awful - and holding that duality can be enormously challenging and shameful for moms who already lack support." "I talk about non-monogamy in the book both because I’m from the Bay Area and it’s everywhere but also because I wanted to examine social changes and social frameworks that might be available as alternatives to just straight policy changes that can build some of this support for mothers that’s clearly nee ..read more

"Both these dynamics - D/s and polyamory - are emotional edgeplay, are like peeling a layer of your skin back, and there’s so much growth and power to be found in continuing to engage there." Writing Spicy registration closes October 5, 2023, and runs October 6 - November 19, 2023 - More information & register at - http://writingspicy.com/ On September 19, Laura is teaching Negotiation for Edgeplay at Wicked Grounds - More info and tickets here: https://forbiddentickets.com/events/wicked-grounds/2023-09-19-online-bottoming-safety-201-negotiating-edgeplay-safely-as-a-bottom-or-submissive On ..read more

"You need the self-awareness and the meta-communication to make using the tools easier for you. It's about waking up to doing it intentionally." "In my romantic relationships and my friendships, I feel so empowered in my communication - we have so many tools we can turn to." The new book from Dedeker, Emily and Jase of Multiamory is a tool kit for communication in relationships of all kinds. In today's podcast episode we focus on one in particular that they delve into - microscripts - but we also range through topics like conflict resolution, our peeves in relationship advice, and which two of ..read more

Laura speaks with Jessica Fern and David Cooley about their new book, PolyWise, paradigm shifts for folks making changes in non monogamous relationships, and restorative rather than punitive views of conflict. They discuss why the authors included so many different psychological modalities and approaches in their book, the value of different tools for folks encountering big transitions in relationships, and more. "It's about intentionality - being willing to lead with your feelings, hearing when your partner does as well, and keeping in mind that healing and relating are verbs." "Paradigms wer ..read more

"The relationship they need to feel secure is not always the one you need to deescalate to the 'good parts' of your relationship with them." "It can be really triggering to watch someone greive so outwardly about someone else and their relationship while you're still with them." Leanne Yau of PolyPhiliaBlog guests on this week's episode to discuss her recent breakup and breakups in general, and when they end up being necessary over de-escalations, with Laura. We talk about breakups when you're 6 degrees of Kevin Bacon or less from your former partners by staying in community, how these can be ..read more

"Start the revolution from your affections is an imperfect translation, but it's as close as we could get to the idea that we don't want freedom from our bonds, we want freedom made by our bonds" "Relationship Anarchy is essentially the everyday decision to make visible and question all of the presumptions that underlie all our relationships." If you find discussions of Relationship Anarchy to be dismissive, surface level, or fail to explain what the political anarchist principles that are being applied to relationships ARE, this book may be for you. We discuss the idea that self-care is usele ..read more

Content Warning: we discuss abusive relationships, and (without details) sexual assault and the process of reporting and discussing such incidents in community and with organizations that were around us at that time. Folks should use their discretion in deciding if this is an episode they can listen to and when they should do so. "A lot of survivors get given the impression they can't be non-monogamous. That isn't necessarily true." "Trauma-informed non-monogamy and non-monogamous spaces can be harder to find than we want them to be." Sydney Rae Chin is a chef, pleasure curator, and sex worker ..read more

"The definition I prefer to use is that abuse is a pattern of behavior with the design, intent, or consequence of making someone unable to leave a situation." "We need to expand our conceptions of abuse because so many support systems are using methods of understanding that are heteronormative and based entirely on married people, much less mononormative." CW: this episode speaks about patterns of behavior and harm that can comprise abusive relationships, and while it strives not to be explicit, it may be triggering for some survivors of abuse. Use your discretion for if or the timing of when ..read more