Reasons why Uncle Walt’s Insider hasn’t published any new content lately
Uncle Walt's Insider
by X
3w ago
Did our writers go on strike, and Walt didn’t even notice? UNCLE WALT’S H.Q., SVALBARD – Faithful readers to this site [Ed.: We have those?] may have noticed a lot of, well, nothing lately. No doubt, this caused you to think “Wait, does the site still exist?” Which would be a very valid question. The answer, dear reader, is, of course, Yes. We do still exist. We still churn out [Ed.: not-so] copious quantities of award-winning satire. So where have we been? Here’s some reasons we haven’t been publishing lately: Bob Chapek was our insider. It’s hard to provide inside knowledge when you’re on th ..read more
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Disney hires Pepsi CFO; menu changes coming soon?
Uncle Walt's Insider
by X
5M ago
Will Disney replace the current overpriced sugar water with worse overpriced sugar water? BURBANK, CA — In a recent corporate shuffle, the Walt Disney Company welcomed Hugh Johnston, the former CFO of PepsiCo, as their new Chief Financial Officer. While the financial world buzzes with this significant appointment, whispers suggest that there might be a subtle yet significant change brewing within Disney’s iconic parks. The relationship between Disney and Coca-Cola has been as enduring as a timeless fairy tale, interwoven in the fabric of every visit to the magical realm. But behind the scenes ..read more
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Country Bear escapes, terrorizes Magic Kingdom guests
Uncle Walt's Insider
by Marty
7M ago
The Jamboree will be closed for the near future as the bear restraints are inspected and upgraded. WALT DISNEY WORLD, FL — The Magic Kingdom’s beloved Country Bear Jamboree will be closed after one of the bears got loose, frightening guests and causing much of the park to close for several hours on Monday. The Jamboree, a musical revue featuring singing and instrument-playing by live bears (and which recently added an adults-only nighttime show), has often come under criticism. Animal rights activists protest the use of live animals in entertainment; family groups have objected to the adult th ..read more
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Step-planDisney: Our opinion on the coming Oklahoma theme park
Uncle Walt's Insider
by Marty
9M ago
Uncle Walt’s Insider step-planDisney (Step)Moms answer your real questions with their own totally reliable advice. [Lawyer-mandated disclaimer: do NOT rely on this advice. Our panel of experts may or may not be actual stepmoms, but they are definitely evil.] “Dear step-planDisney (Step)Moms: What do you think of the new theme park coming to Oklahoma?” – Chris T., Disney OK Marty: Dear Crisp, thank you for writing. It’s good that you have a job where your official duties are so miniscule that they give you time to read theme park news websites and write to them. There are a lot of unknowns abou ..read more
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Disneyland Escanaba sold to investors, moving to Oklahoma
Uncle Walt's Insider
by Marty
9M ago
Fire sale at the Disney Company! VINITA, OK — Sources say Disney CEO Bob ‘Bob‘ Iger, eager to raise capital for the struggling entertainment company, is quietly selling off pieces of the company. Money-losing parts of the company such as ABC, Freeform, FX, and Kathleen Kennedy are up for sale. And the latest piece of the company to go? Michigan’s Disneyland Escanaba. Goodbye Yoopers The park, located (some say) in the Upper Peninsula of the state of Michigan, is most famous for three things: (1) crashing Disney’s servers when we broke the story in 2018; (2) being the only Disney park other tha ..read more
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One EASY way to pack light for Walt Disney World!
Uncle Walt's Insider
by Marty
10M ago
Seriously, this is the best advice ever. UNCLE WALT’S INSIDER H.Q., SVALBARD — There have been many articles and videos on packing lists and methods for going to a Disney Park, but we at Uncle Walt’s Insider have discover the best tip for packing light. Are you ready? Helium. You’re welcome. Do you think Mickey’s been doing this for decades, and that’s why he talks like that? Let us know in the comments below! Need more Uncle Walt’s in your life? Be sure to LIKE us on Facebook, FOLLOW us on Twitter, and tell everyone you know! Cover photo: Balloons are optional. Photo courtesy Pixabay. The pos ..read more
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Is Disney tracking guests via “NSA” desserts?
Uncle Walt's Insider
by X
10M ago
The intelligence community is really into sugar-free cooking, apparently. CASTAWAY CAY, BAHAMAS — Picture yourself aboard the magnificent Disney Fantasy cruise ship, where dreams come true, enchantment knows no bounds, and your bank account never recovers. Amidst the grandeur and wonder, an unexpected twist unfolds – you spy [Heh] a mysterious dessert labeled “NSA Apple Turnovers” in Cabana’s buffet. What gives? While Disney insists that “NSA” stands for “No Sugar Added,” rumors abound that this sweet dessert reveals a secret alliance with the US National Security Agency. Just because you’re p ..read more
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Top new uses for Star Wars: Galactic Starcruiser
Uncle Walt's Insider
by Marty
11M ago
Disney’s hyperexpensive hyperspace hotel shuts down! Who could have seen that coming? WALT DISNEY WORLD, FL – It was a bold vision, even for Disney: create a Star Wars multiday experience so real, so immersive, that nerds worldwide would empty their bank accounts, drain their 401K’s, and decide their kids didn’t really need to go to college after all. It was Disney’s Star Wars: Galactic Starcruiser, a landlocked Florida hotel themed as an instellar cruise ship, complete with cruise ship prices. And just a year after it opened, Disney will be sending it to the interstellar scrap yard, after its ..read more
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Epcot sees massive increase in crossings from Mexico Pavilion to Norway Pavilion with end of Title 42
Uncle Walt's Insider
by Marty
11M ago
Thankfully, no one on the terrorist watchlist has been apprehended. Yet. WALT DISNEY WORLD, FL — Officials at Walt Disney World’s E.P.C.O.T. Center are reporting a significant increase in the number of people crossing between the park’s Mexico and Norway pavilions. The increase comes just after Title 42 border crossing restrictions expired last week. “We’re fairly sure Title 42 is to blame,” says Disney (the company) spokesperson Jun Disney (no relation). “Or it could just be that summer is near and schools are letting out.” “Crowds increase as summer approaches” is a boring headline If it was ..read more
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BREAKING: Walt Disney World closes – forever?
Uncle Walt's Insider
by Marty
1y ago
Are they conceding defeat, or punishing DeSantis??? LAKE BUENA VISTA, FL — In a surprise move in the ongoing battle between the State of Florida and the Disney Company, Walt Disney World has shut its doors – apparently for good! The four theme parks and two water parks did not open today. Guests staying at Disney resorts have been told that they are welcome to complete their hotel stay, but they are only being offered Disneyland tickets in exchange for any remaining days they have on their WDW park passes. Cast Members have not yet been informed of their future with the company. Disney is said ..read more
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