Transphobia is all around us, and often inside us.  As parents, we face it in everyday conversations with colleagues, family members, and friends. Our kids face it in school from peers, teachers, and friends. Over the years, the biggest concern I hear about raising a transgender child isn’t about the medical stuff, it’s fears about the way the world will treat that child. We know it’s not all going to be nice. We know that our kids will face bullies and bigots.  And I've heard from some of you that you want to fight back.  So much of the anti-bullying policy and training in ..read more

As parents, we like to believe that we know our child better than anyone. Maybe better even than they know themselves. But do we really?   For some parents, that’s one of the hardest things about making sense of a child coming out as transgender. They didn’t see it coming. How could they have missed something so huge?   Most parents suspect something is going on—but they just don’t know what it is.   When we recognize that something is off with someone we love, we might ask questions like: are you okay? Is there anything going on that you want to talk about?   Sometimes our ..read more

Remember that time before you were a parent and you thought you at least had some clue what you were getting into and that you’d be good at it? I know I did. I knew it wasn’t all snuggles and giggles and that it would be a lot of hard work, but caring for others is part of my wiring. Of course, none of us are really prepared for what waits for us in parenthood. Even after you’ve had your first kid, you can get thrown for a loop on the second, third, and so on because every kid is different and you’re different too. When we sign up to be parents, we don’t get to choose the kids we’re going to r ..read more

“How do we know this is about gender and not body image? Doesn’t everyone feel uncomfortable in their body at that age?” I get these questions from parents all the time. And my answer is this: body image is about being dissatisfied with how we look along with unobtainable beauty standards. Body dysphoria is about the cues their body sends to the world about how to interact with and treat them, how that doesn’t align with how they feel, and how it can make them feel invisible. It’s similar, but also very, very different. Struggles with body image and with body dysphoria can lead cis and tran ..read more

Every single one of us has a body. People are complex and our bodies are no different. Some of us feel at home in our bodies, while others of us do not, and it’s not always because of gender. Difficult emotions can play a significant role in this disconnect, as well as trauma and its impact on the body. And having a disability, disease, or other condition can further strain the connection with the body. But for many trans people, their transness is just the tip of the iceberg when it comes to what makes them and their bodies so different.  Today we're diving into a crucial topic that ..read more

Toxic masculinity is more than a buzzword. Toxic masculinity is part of the gender training we receive starting in childhood, where we learn the rules about how to be a man or a lady. Man up. Boys don’t cry. And it hurts all of us. Toxic masculinity is a narrow and repressive description of manhood and frankly, I’m surprised more men aren’t pissed about it. What does that have to do with raising a transgender child? Toxic masculinity can manifest in many ways and have a profound impact on your children.  It can show up in the ways we talk to our kids, the expectations we place on them ..read more

There are so many things about our lives that are gendered. And some of those things are a lot more important and hold more cultural significance than we realize–that is until we have kid who comes out as trans, and then all of that privilege you had and all the mental energy you didn’t have to spend on thinking about all the ways in which the world wasn’t set up for your transgender kid is gone.   Now, I should be clear, when I say “we”  I’m talking about cisgender, heterosexual, white people. People of color, which I am not, have a lot more awareness about the ways in which ..read more

We have all heard and experienced how different school is now from when we were kids. It’s a whole different world.  And while I could easily be referring to school policies and the way that kids are taught math - I’m not. I’m referring to the social universe and obstacle course that kids navigate day in and day out.  And one of the hardest things about that change is that it doesn’t really end when the bell rings. It continues on social media and smartphones. Kids don’t really get a natural break from it.  They need your help to find balance, but also to help them navigate a ..read more

You never know how people are gonna react to your child's coming out and socially transitioning. I wish there was a clear indicator that I could give you that says, these are the ones who will support you, and these are the ones who are going to get spooked and do really ugly things. If that thing exists, I haven't discovered it yet. I've seen families who are progressive and open-minded about others get completely closed off to the idea that something like this could be happening with their child. I've also seen people who go to church every Sunday read the Bible, own a lot of guns, who abs ..read more

I think we’ve all been in that place with our kids where they are clearly going through something big - something with friends, something with sex, mental health, transness, something that makes your parent heart go “Oh god - I need more information about this so I can help and protect and make sure that nothing bad happens to them.”  So you put out the bid for connection and try to engage in the conversation and your kid gives you NOTHING.  They stare blankly at you, they say “I don’t want to talk about it,” or “I dunno.” And you get emotionally snared and the harder you push, the ..read more