If you are someone out there who wants to be a mother, but don’t, at this very moment, have the partner that you want, I would emphatically say, Don’t let it stop you! If you judge someone by the company they keep, I’m pretty fantastic. I’m surrounded by female friends who have spent the last 20 years pursuing their passions with great success. Recently, the topic of becoming a single parent has come up amongst these friends, most of whom are in their late 30’s and early 40’s and would like to have children but haven’t yet. For some, Prince (or Princess) Charming still hasn’t shown up. Others ..read more

From Belly Mommy to Auntie, adoptees and adoptive moms share the names their families use. When Levon was a baby, we referred to his birth mom as Mama {First Name}. We used the term Birth Mama when talking to him about her, but the concept of adoption was too abstract for him to understand. When he was four, we began noticing pregnant women and asking me if he grew inside my tummy. That’s when we began using the term Tummy Mommy. It was a name that helped him understand his connection to his biological mother and something he immediately attached to. As he grows and better understands the con ..read more

Adopting a child from a different state often requires at least one parent to remain in the baby’s birth state for an extended period of time. And if your baby is born on a weekend, when court is not is session, your stay can last even longer. When my son Levon was born, I was standing alone in the dark next to our outdoor grill, the phone pressed against my ear. His grandmother was on the other end, her voice steady and calm. “His vitals are good.” “His,” I asked? Is it a boy?” “Yes, it’s a boy.” His gender reveal. A private event attended by only the two of us. Levon’s birth mother went int ..read more

A new way for expectant parents and adoptive families to self-match. PairTreeFamily.com is on a mission to modernize the adoption process. The digital platform offers self-matching: allowing expectant parents to search for adoptive family profiles based on personality type. PairTree also offers an online home study process, profile template, and network of adoption professionals by state. If you’re looking to start the adoption process, we highly recommend PairTree. The site was founded by two-time adoptive mom Erin Quick, who set out to streamline the often archaic process of private adoptio ..read more

For mothers who experience infertility and loss, disrupted adoption, or even joyous overnight motherhood, it can take time develop a bond. I loved my baby instantly, before I even met him. As soon as I got the call that his birth mother was in labor, I was all in. But it took almost three years before I felt like he was not only her son, but mine too. Being chosen as Levon’s mother, not by the universe but by a living, breathing person that I may have to answer to someday, is an extraordinary honor and responsibility, and for the first few years of his life, that weighed heavily on me. His bi ..read more

There is a gaping hole when it comes to resources for adoptive parents. If you follow any adoption accounts on social media, you’ve likely heard the call to elevate adoptee voices. For too long, the narrative of adoption has been based solely on the experiences of adoptive parents, along with the media’s portrayal of adoption and foster care. As a TV writer, I can tell you what Hollywood considers to be important: Diversity. Stories of gender identity and sexuality. Women-centered stories. But honest portrayals of adoption — not even on the radar. I founded Raise because there is a lack of pa ..read more

My son often forgets that he is adopted. Have I done something wrong? We’ve told our son that he is adopted since the day he was born. He has a close relationship with members of his birth family. We acknowledge his adoption on a regular – if not daily – basis. Yet at seven years old, he constantly forgets he’s adopted. He even forgets what it means to be adopted. Recently, a cartoon he was watching made a joke about adoption. “What does that mean,” he innocently asked? As I struggled to try and explain the “joke,” he cut me off– “No, Mom. What does it mean to be adopted?” In disbelief, I rem ..read more

Plus the one question you should ask yourself. I’ve written before about the questions you should never ask about adoption. Don’t get me wrong, I love talking about my experience as an adoptive parent, but rarely do the questions I receive focus on me. Instead, they ask about the details of my son’s story and his birth family. My go-to answer to any adoption question is, “Why do you ask?” It’s my polite, direct method of making the person stop and consider their motive. If you have a specific question for me because you’re considering adoption, I will happily answer it. If you are looking to ..read more

Adoptive mom Karen Skalitzky shares a series of conversations with her Black son. I am white. My 10-year-old son is Haitian. We adopted each other when he was just shy of three years old. The world sees him one way and me another. Sometimes they collide. On our drive to school, I ask if he wants to watch a movie about Martin Luther King, Jr., to celebrate the holiday. “No,” he says, a bit too quickly. I inquire as to why. “I don’t know,” he whispers. “I think you do,” I say gently, and then I wait. I have learned to give space, to allow silence. Several minutes pass. “Because the violence sca ..read more

Why this common explanation proves harmful to adoptees. Before my social media detox this winter, I came across the feed of adoptee El Nic, who shares daily reels and IG stories about her closed adoption experience. As an adoptive parent, I’m constantly seeking out birth parents and adoptee feeds in order to learn from other members of the triad, and El Nic’s perspective is one of the most insightful I’ve found so far. In December, she shared a three part reel labeled, “No Adoptee Was Given Away Because They Were Loved.” While many of the commenters disagreed with her sentiment, I found mysel ..read more