In this episode, I talk to Julie Lythott-Haims, who is asking the question “what does it mean to grow up?” For her, it’s about lovingly letting go of your past burdens so that you can be true to yourself – while not trampling on anybody else. Our conversation flows naturally from topic to topic as we learn about how learning mindfulness took her from being a lawyer and dean of a university to becoming a New York Times bestselling author, speaker, and activist focused on helping humans find their true north. Later, we bring these themes into a discussion of inclusion, identity, and in ..read more

I'm excited to share this podcast conversation with one of my dearest friends Akilah Riley-Richardson. Akilah has been in clinical practice for 16 years, is based in Trinidad and Tobago, and specializes in work with sexual and racial minorities. In this conversation, Akilah and I talk about relational privilege and the impact historical and race based trauma has on relationships. Akilah teaches to pivot, rumble and imagine to help gain a sense of where the hurt is, what the body needs, and how these needs connect back to the behaviors expressed is relationship…and what is needed now. And we ru ..read more

Moraya Seeger DeGeare is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, consultant, writer, activist, and mom. We recorded this conversation in-person, meandering in our discussion around moving within a world that tries to adhere to dominant culture all the time. Here’s what we hope you get out of this conversation: if you are someone who’s not walking around in a dominant culture body, we hope you can simply listen and not have to do extra work to find resonance. And if you are someone that's walking around in a dominant culture body (white, cis, heterosexual, able-bodied, neurotypical, etc), we ..read more

Dr. Han Ren (she/they) is deeply rooted in Liberation-oriented, anti-oppressive, culturally informed therapy. In this time of global upheaval and collective trauma many people have experienced increasing amounts of isolation. Social media is one of the places people turn when they feel alone. Han's widely viewed content on social media centers on liberating the idea that healing has to look a certain way, especially for often historically overlooked people and communities. Normalization goes a long way in undoing our collective experience of aloneness. In this gentle yet confronting conversati ..read more

Patriarchy, supremacy, and toxic individualism are cultural values that really are at the root of so many social and political problems we face today.  Systemic change can seem overwhelming, if not nearly impossible.  But changing the power structure within our most intimate relationships?  That’s something we can definitely do–starting today.  How?  By shifting from Me vs. You consciousness to Us consciousness and learning to act from our wise adult rather than our adaptive child as we work through hard things with our partners. When we do this, we spark a cultural bu ..read more

What our culture teaches us about sex isn’t very useful. Many of us have absorbed the message that sex is a means to some kind of end–orgasm, connection, a baby.  We’ve learned that there’s a right and a wrong way to do it.  We’ve even learned that sex is natural.  It’s no wonder then that when our libido doesn’t match our partner’s or our desires don’t match our politics, we assume there must be something wrong with us.  Here’s the real truth:  There is nothing wrong with you.  Or your partner.  So many of us have just been trying to conform to someone else ..read more

In Lissa Rankin’s book, Sacred Medicine, she writes,  "We live in a disembodied culture because trauma causes us to leave our bodies. It is a defense mechanism and in extreme cases, a survival skill that can save you. Yet you can't heal the body without being in it."  Our culture encourages dissociation:  Buy this product to feel better, drink this to escape, distract yourself with social media.  Numb out, stay busy, look outside yourself.  And yet, science has enough data to say with certainty that trauma causes pain and illness in the body.  This is no longer a ..read more

Dear listeners, for this month’s episode, we decided to do something a little different.  Instead of interviewing a special guest, we’ve turned the tables and your host has become the guest!  Out of curiosity and a sense of play (two things we adore here at Connectfulness), Rebecca agreed to be interviewed by our podcast editor, Al Hoberman, who is also a fabulous music therapist.  Together, they let the conversation meander where it will, delving into topics like why we can never be “healed and ready” for a relationship before entering into it, the importance of knowing oneself ..read more

“I can’t adult today” makes for great social media fodder. But as with all humor, there’s a nugget of truth in there.  How many models do we have for adulting that is healthy, balanced, secure and relational? Our culture has sold us quite a bill of goods: Independence and “rugged individualism” as an indication that we’ve become successful adults. Perfection or mastery as the ultimate goal.  Self-care has become “treat yourself”.  The pop psychology idea that having boundaries means you get to tell someone else what they can and can’t do.  Even the idea that objective reali ..read more

So often, many of us are still just waiting on our parents to show up for us in the way we needed them to when we were little.  Sometimes we’re consciously aware of this, oftentimes we’re not.  And it can continue long after our parents have passed, if we haven’t made the unconscious conscious and learned to reparent ourselves.  Otherwise, we often unintentionally seek this fulfillment from our most intimate relationships.  In this episode, I chat with fellow Certified Relational Life Therapist, Shane Birkel, who is able to take these big concepts and ground them in very cl ..read more