How the Fuck Did I Get Here
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"How the fuck did I get here?" That's the question I asked myself as I lay in bed. Not just any bed, by the way. The bed in the guest room of my parents' basement, because, guess what, I lived there. I was unemployed, divorced, fat, and living in my parents' basement at the age of 45. I mean, seriously. How the fuck DID I get there? Hence, this blog.
How the Fuck Did I Get Here
3y ago
December 2020 “I’m not a bull’s pizzle, YOU are!” Am I too old to swear? Better question: am I too old to swear as much as I do? I swear a lot. I mean, a really fuckin’ lot. My mother ..read more
How the Fuck Did I Get Here
3y ago
March 2020 After a few pleasantries Gary gets into the interview. The standard questions, “tell me about yourself,” “what qualifies you for this position,” “tell me about a time when you and a co-worker full on hated each other and ..read more
How the Fuck Did I Get Here
3y ago
March 2020 I have a job interview today. A real live job interview. It’s not over the phone or Zoom or that insidious HireVue piece of crap interview thing. Nope. This is a face to face, one on one, shake ..read more
How the Fuck Did I Get Here
3y ago
2008 I’m having a hard time getting over the whole “Kotex” thing. I’m pretty creeped-out about it, to be perfectly honest, but I have to be here for 15 more minutes and maybe idle conversation will make the time go ..read more
How the Fuck Did I Get Here
3y ago
2008 Now that I’ve patiently listened to the titillating story about the bus, his boss, and lost vacation time, how much longer do you think I have to sit here? I mean, I don’t want to be rude, but…come on ..read more
How the Fuck Did I Get Here
3y ago
2008 Mustache Guy is ordering his coffee, and I’m looking for a place to sit. A place far away from everybody else in the coffee shop, because I don’t want them to hear us having a “first date” conversation. I ..read more
How the Fuck Did I Get Here
3y ago
2008 Maybe Mustache Guy was nervous when we talked the other night and that’s why he rambled on and on. Maybe he’s beyond hot and maybe he doesn’t have a mustache after all. Maybe I’m losing my mind. Of course ..read more
How the Fuck Did I Get Here
3y ago
2008 A few seconds later my phone rings. Well, I did tell him to call me…. “Hello?” I answer. “Hey, lady!” he starts laughing. He definitely has a mustache and just thinking about it gives me the creeps. So Mustache ..read more
How the Fuck Did I Get Here
3y ago
2008 I call Mustache Guy on Wednesday afternoon and leave a message, “Hi, this is Beatrice from the matchmaking place returning your call. Call me when you get a chance and let’s talk. I look forward to meeting you.” I ..read more
How the Fuck Did I Get Here
3y ago
2008 Is it just me, or is “really nice guy” a euphemism for “boring and not that smart”? If the only adjective you can find for a guy is “really nice,” then please don’t set me up with him. I ..read more