What nonsense is this? Well, it’s an audio variety show where we’re playing Dycedarg’s theme for a meeting with Zalbaag, wondering if Zalbaag is dumb, failing to avoid Alma, proving truth words, fighting a heresy examiner, perverting into the Lucavi, profaning the gods, cutting a deal with Alma, rumoring Elmdore’s death, storing books underground, acquiring magic rocks to gain the people’s trust, making Alma guard the base, wishing we were born a man, assigning the universal mong theory, and getting deep into subterranean book storage. Your mother's common blood forever stains you common. 00:0 ..read more

Think of us simply, as allies. Allies who are not touching our supper, expressing a shit head belief system, revealing a princess as false, laying out different scenarios, figuring out scenes were added to the PSP release, swearing vengeance to killers, granting Wiegraf a second act, finally 1v1’ing Gafgarrion, feeling cold, thrice damning Gafgarrion, making our purpose plain, showing up too late to save the princess, transforming into the taint king, excruciating in ecstasy, waving goodbye to our souls, and slaying the pervert. Church is bad and they’ve got the magic. 00:00 Ren Faire | 02:27 ..read more

Stop looking at girls, stop looking at rocks. Instead, look at us with your ears as we’re warning Ramza off the criminal conspiracy, reading six books, wondering who pilled Delita, realizing the nobles and the clergy are united in corruption, sniffing out a fake, losing another princess, preferring Dragoon to Samurai, falling for a gallows-based switcheroo, expecting Ramza to prodigal son his way home, painting deeds as foul, appreciating Gaffgarion’s persona, literally saying “game of thrones,” and denying a solution to the trolley problem. I’m protecting Agrias [oh god].  0:00 God Hand ..read more

Just when I thought this fen could grow no fowler, we’ve cast another pod. Indulge us as we’re believing in god to get through a gate, identifying the manipulator, vexing with such worryment, listening to myths and legends, understanding auracite as everything magic, listening to the church’s perfect pitch, murdering the dead, appearing clergy and merchant adjacent, trading rock for father, blinging auracite, revealing a magic rock switcheroo, and evicting chocobos from our party of heretics. Fuck, you win. I’m not a monster. 00:00 Chris’ Chronicle | 02:40 Intro | 04:49 Lionel Castle | 22:00 R ..read more

Those who live by deceit are the first to die by it. Those who listen to this episode will hear tales of jumping in first-person, rescuing a pony-tailed squire, blinging the magic rocks, climbing walls and talking shit, bringing a gun to a wizard fight, realizing we’re in Final Fantasy XII’s future, losing patience with Mustadio, finding Christ without a crucifixion, creepin’ on some ladies, blowing grass, wishing for no quarrel, leaving us wroth, soiling our names, coddling the boy, sipping villainously, and wondering if Agrias is lost in the sauce. Ramza’s brain is discolored. 00:00 El Fira ..read more

It’s about time you learned about difference. The difference between battling under the threat of crimson snow, taking hostages, shooting the hostage, mongering flowers on a street corner, looking for a woke, losing ourselves to vengeance, flitting a forked tongue, igniting the gunpowder, debating the merits of new-fangled cut-scenes against old school cinematics, citing the contract for additional payment, realizing no one knows what Ramza wants, looking for the manipulator, and searching for the subservient. God knows where this path leads us. 00:00 Half Chris | 03:05 Intro | 04:50 Ziekden F ..read more

Fighting is the only way out. Listening to this episode is the only way we can start listing Chris’ top three tactics, aligning with Dycedarg, swallowing Dycedarg’s shit, realizing the rich won’t save the poor, criticizing common blood, speculating Argath is a radicalization agent, understanding a meager fate, realizing Milleuda is willing to die for this, watching Milleuda inflict psychic damage on Delita, deploying tricky smooth talk, kidnapping the wrong lady, thinking of the children, sending improper knights to kill someone, refusing to treat, defending bastard brothers, and wondering why ..read more

Welcome to the rat cellar. A beating has loosened our tongues, allowing us the chance of identifying the wrong song, speaking false to a knight, getting a guy muddy, discovering an actual Dune reference, endlessly reviving Ramza, employing an ineffective mage, configuring the proper Post Up, beating up prisoners, bearing a ribald tongue, filling different radicalization meters, wishing to end the aristocracy, pulling off one last job, arguing over the necessities of a rebel army, speaking our fill, and trading one life for another. You may yet keep your bacon. 00:00 Open World Paralysis | 02:4 ..read more

Mayhap your ears not fail you. For, if they do, you wouldn’t hear us telling the same stories, loving our brave lads, creating a time paradox, seeking justice for a waylaid marquis, hunting down a whoreson, shitting into Argath’s mouth, being assigned to guard the base, chatting on a thinking bridge, throwing a rock into a pond, bursting a sister’s seam, putting a spy with the enemy, honeying some words, blowing an ominous wind, and chancing upon Final Fantasy monsters in the wood. Mind your own limits, you can’t be responsible for everything. 00:00 Intro | 03:10 God Smack 2 | 08:18 Eagrose Ca ..read more

Honest work would see us die old in bed. Instead of that, we’re flashing to a different back, hearing of the Corpse Brigade Death Corps, teaming up with the cops to murder homeless veterans, randomly generating soldiers, getting on the roof, name-dropping our nobility, learning from the computer, droppin’ crystal, crafting a homely bar scene, reading lore, wondering who is writing history, dying in the middle of the room, treating the bastard like family, and witnessing Argath’s frisky animations. We’re definitely the bad guys. 00:00 Intro | 02:35 Gariland Military Academy | 11:20 Gariland Bat ..read more