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Tonight was the last night I put my babies to bed in our little house. After 10 years of living here, 4 of them mostly alone, we are moving on. In the past year and a half I’ve: -Experienced the very painful but necessary end to a long term relationship. -Tried online dating again but quickly stopped because it so easily results in roller coaster emotional fuckery.  Wanting so badly to have The Connection with someone and just feeling Meh is very disheartening. -Met the person with said Connection and fell crazy in love. -Felt like writing about all these things in excruciating detail but ..read more

Wow, a whole year since I’ve written here.  I’m sure a lot has happened, but in many ways life is the same. Still sort of staying home with the kids (although Jane is in 1st grade and Aiden goes to daycare part time) while doing some nanny work on the side and trying to figure out what I *really* want to do with my life. One major event was that I got a sweet job last summer.  Awesome company, fun co-workers, nearby, flexible schedule.  It was a huge and stressful change for me having to learn a ton of new things and being in a new environment, but I was really starting to sett ..read more

Friday, Feb. 3rd Aiden:  2 years, 4 mos. Jane:  Almost 6 Me:  Almost 34 1/2 6:45:  Wake up to Aiden singing in his crib.  It is a miracle!  This child is usually sooo cranky when he wakes up, the first thing I’ve been hearing in the morning for at least a year is whining and crying so this is amazing.  Does it possibly have something to do with the fact that I completely weaned him last week?  Strangely not sad at all about this huge milestone of my “baby” growing up.  It was just time.  I told him the milk was all gone and he accepted it. 7:0 ..read more

Writing this recap on the first day of snowfall here in MN.  It felt…  surprisingly normal, scraping off the car.  Even though we’ve had such a mild fall, still going to the park regularly.  Just two days ago my friend and I were sitting outside in sweaters, soaking up the warm near 60 degree sunshine. We sometimes call them our park therapy sessions.  Without this group of stay at home moms, I would’ve either gone insane or gone back to work a long time ago.  The other day I told her I feel like I’m in limbo, I swing within the span of hours between feeling ..read more

Aiden:  21 months today Jane: Getting towards 5 1/2 Me:  Way too close to 34 7:15:  Wake up to Aiden whining from his crib, as usual, but am relieved to see it’s so “late” – sometimes he wakes up closer to 6 a.m. and is really not ready to be up.  I sit in the rocker and nurse him (he mostly still nurses only when waking up, but likes to do it for a long time then)…  realize I still feel so tired even though I went to bed at 11:00 and slept mostly ok – woke up after a couple anxious dreams and once to pee.  Life has just been wearing me down in general lately.&nb ..read more

And now that it’s Spring, time to recap our last few months.  Nothing much has changed, weekday schedule is usually as follows:  Jane goes to school in the morning, Aiden takes a nap (he just turned 18 mos. and has only consistently dropped the morning nap within the past couple weeks) we pick up Cole on the 3 days we watch him, have lunch, go see friends, come home.  Nathan has been working the night shift, which starts at 8 p.m. so lots of nights he comes over about 5:00 to hang out with the kids while I go to yoga or run errands. On the weekends we hang out with family a ..read more

I thought a couple days before x-mas seemed an appropriate time as ever to document our Fall…  which has basically stretched until now, we’ve had such mild weather, going to the park in t-shirts into November and no accumulating snowfall.  I’m grateful for it, makes everything a little easier and less depressing with all the cold and darkness and changes in our lives. They say the first holidays post-divorce (or separation, in my case) are the hardest, but I think Halloween was the hardest for me because it was always sort of “our” holiday. But that is long past and I got through it ..read more

My sweet, sweet baby.  I was so emotional about him turning one.  He was such an easy baby and I enjoyed it so much this second time around, and it very well might be my last.  This year has gone so fast and been so tumultuous, but I was so lucky to be able to keep staying at home with both my babies. It’s hard to write this post without a lot of comparison to Jane at this age.  She started doing everything early and he seems to have stayed a baby longer, no complaints on my part! He started scooting around a few months ago, got pretty fast, and never learned how to crawl ..read more

It flew by, of course. I wanted to get down at least one day in the life to capture it. I recorded this more than a month ago: Thursday, August 13th Me:  Almost 33.  Jane:  Almost 4.5  Aiden:  10.5 months 6:00 a.m.:  Aiden’s up.  Our current sleeping arrangement is his crib right next to my bed, so this means I’m up too.  Way too early for me, I’ve been hoping to somehow get his wakeup time closer to 7:00 but for now…  I’ve had a lot more 9:30 p.m. bedtimes than I ever thought I would.  He also still wakes once during the night but go ..read more