Imagine you're trying to run errands, hiding yourself because it's been a really difficult day, and you're carrying around some shame because you've sinned, you know it, and you haven't really done anything about it. Jesus walks up to you. He asks you for a favor. Only, you don't know it's Jesus, it's some random man interrupting your task list and shame spiral asking you for things you don't actually want to do. You engage in small talk out of politeness, but even that is likely a stretch. You just want to do your business and get home. The Samaritan woman had this exact encounter, and I ..read more

I felt the jealousy bug creep up, hard. A few of my friends, the rockstars that they are, got involved in writing for amazing blogs, being a guest on podcasts, and guest speaking at other churches. I'm so proud of all of them for stepping out and saying yes, especially when I keep hearing how outside of their comfort zone it is. These are all in my comfort zone - videos, writing, podcasting (huge dream of mine) - I love all of these avenues to talk and teach and encourage people to live the life God has called them to live. While I do have some really amazing opportunities, I couldn't help b ..read more

It's been a reaaally long time, friends. Hi again. Life as a foster parent is much busier than I planned; even though we have only had one placement for seven months, there is just SO MUCH TO DO. I'm not complaining, but justifying why I've taken my self-care to the background. Writing is self-care to me and man, have I missed it. Time to pick it back up (praise the Lord, school is back in session!) I experienced my FIRST first day of school and it was the actual best. The excitement and nerves (mostly mine, our 5th grader is pretty unsure about not getting to sleep in every day now) bubbled ..read more

I'm sitting in the sunshine soaking up every ounce of this early Oregon spring and welcome the quiet warmth and opportunity to rest. February hit against my soul in the best and worst ways. Our entire reality changed all at once as we became real-life foster parents. In less than one minute in a parking lot where we made the transition happen, we went from a family of two + a dog to a family of three + a kiddos new best friend. Everything changed in an instant. Forgive me as I share no real details about this kiddo or much of the unfolding story - I am a keeper of this story and it isn't mine ..read more

2018 felt like a giant dumpster fire to me as we closed out the year. I was so prepared and ready for the new year to hit to have a real life motivation to say "time to do something different!" Why do we think our whole entire lives will change because a page on the calendar did? Turns out, it doesn't, because I woke up yesterday ridiculously exhausted (staying up all night is rough, and having a bunch of people I love over, while amazing, requires a day of introverting to recover). I took the first day of the new year in with gusto - and by that, I sat on the couch and watched football. Geni ..read more

Eleven months ago, I wrote a blog from a space of deep sadness, dark disappointment, and a spiritual wrestling that conflicted my soul. Last year, I swore I heard straight from Jesus that we would be announcing a pregnancy at Christmas, my ultimate dream. I bought a cute baby bump shirt, anticipating the exact moment where we shared our news to our entire family, all at once. And then Christmas morning, as though it was the gift I was secretly expecting and never wanted to see, I got my tangible proof that I indeed was not pregnant. I got ready for the festivities that day and put on a shirt t ..read more

I'm sitting here working, minding my own business, listening to worship music that turns into a sermon and God hit my heart with a question, to which my answer was: God, I want a baby. And I haven't told You that for a while now. In my grief, I packed the request in a safe space in my heart where I knew He could see it but I couldn't. His light can shine on it, but mine won't. In my fake-surrendering (you know the kind, where you "lay it down" and then actually don't? I do it all the time!), I pretended I've asked persistently - without ceasing, continuously knocking, continuously seeking. B ..read more

A post I never thought I would write. My jealousy for pregnant women has run deep in my heart at times, and even though I say I don't want to be jealous, the pang always jumps up in my mind when I see a pregnancy announcement. This is normal for those on this journey, and if you're nodding your head like "yup, I feel this way every time" - I hear you and I see you. But I want more for you and I. So does Jesus. What I see happening is women walking this infertility journey who finally get their positive will struggle celebrating, all for different reasons. Often they're afraid to share becaus ..read more

Creating a tribe and building a community of people is a hot topic in culture today. In our social media filled world, we want those tangible relationships that build up over time, those solid friendships that rise us up when we're crumpled to the floor. I've found that community of people in various ways - my people that know me and understand me and love me so well when I need them the most; the online support group I am a part of that encourages and breathes life into me, and gives me an outlet to whisper what Jesus has for them, too; the most surprising of all these ways: the people God p ..read more

If there is anything the infertility journey has taught me, it's that I have a lot of emotions - and learning how to navigate them without allowing them to rule my life or wound those around me, has been a really interesting battle. There is a tension I never realized I would feel, and it's created this anxiousness for a miracle. Confession: I am absolutely terrified to get pregnant. So many on this journey may understand - fear of getting pregnant only to lose the baby, either early or late term, is a valid anxiety. However, that's not the fear that worries me the most. I have become so dee ..read more