Now You Know I’m not a robot, yet that is exactly how my life has felt for a very long time. It seriously never ends. It’s just one issue after another. 2022 has made me stronger, but I question at what cost? My job has been a consistent source of stress since we opened last year, and despite some new management in recent months, it still feels like the same shit show. About 6 weeks ago, I was denied a promotion to be part of the leadership team, for a reason I find very petty. I have wanted to quit numerous times and it has taken a lot of therapy to try and keep my head on straight. A few wee ..read more

Anybody else get the sense that being transparent with people seems to "trip them up" more often than not? I continue to have a growing urge to be forthcoming with people. I'm realizing that I'm not always the most tactful in the way I express it though. Lately, I've been complaining more to others in my life about a variety of things and I don't like that that has become my default setting. I have always been extremely hard on myself. Lately, even exercise doesn't seem to be helping as much to alleviate the stress levels. Sensing that others have more control on things doesn't make me feel go ..read more

So much is playing inside my head right now. I feel weak and more forgetful than normal. Most of the time, when I try to do something helpful, I end up just making it worse. I'm alone inside my head...angry at the world; at myself. I can't trust anyone. So called leaders refuse to do what's right for the greater good. The word "pussies" keeps entering my thoughts. Why do the many of us who have sacrificed and continue to sacrifice our families, friendships, work, and social lives have to be at the mercy of ignorant fucks? Who's the dumber side right now? Hmm? Why is it people that do direct c ..read more

It's been awhile hasn't? Almost 7 months to be exact since I last wrote a blog piece. A lot has happened: New job as a Direct Support Professional at a mental health crisis center Wrapping up a 4000+ mile cycling season Took a couple of vacations this summer and fall (Vegas and Hawaii respectively) A lot of anxiety and depression caused by life situations Seeing a couple of new therapists New puppy, named Iv That's just some of the events that have taken place since my last blog post. Obviously, my mental health has been at the forefront of many things. Good news is that I have seem to found ..read more

That's pretty much been the story of my life. While I know in my heart that I've grown leaps and bounds in the past few years, and especially in the past year plus, things just never are easy for me. Despite knowing good things lie ahead for me (new job in a month, potential collaboration with local organization on storytelling, in the groove of cycling season), I struggle a lot with inadequacy issues. A lot! Last week, I finally took the plunge to find a new therapist. Right now, and not surprisingly, many places and therapists are full or close to it. I'm weighing some options at the moment ..read more

Since I could hold my head up high. In 2001, the album, "Break the Cycle" by Staind came out and I was hooked for awhile. I've never been a fan of "screamo" music, but this album was different. It's melancholy sound and lyrics spoke to me as a young 20s adult, trying to get through college and get into the real world. Anyways, I thought I should do an update on my life. I haven't felt like blogging for awhile and the past almost six weeks have been quite busy. I received my second Pfizer shot on March 17th, endured a couple days of blah-ness, and been good since. I've experienced a ton of u ..read more

I needed help... There I was, a 1o year old boy who had just moved to Minnesota the week before from Nebraska. I had just left my old life and my best friend behind. Little did I know it would be another 10 years before I would have a good friend. For a decade of life, a very important decade of life as I was entering young adulthood, I had no one to lean on to develop with. No one. I've come a long way since that time, but I'm still quite often ignored. More often than I believe a person should be. Throughout my life, very few individuals have taken the interest, less the time to try and get ..read more

Knock, knock. Who's there? I'm a... I'm a who? I'm a dual personality...OMG...so am I! Cheesy joking aside, there are are certain mental illness diagnosis's that can alter a person's reality around them. Dual personality, formally known as multiple personality disorder, and now called dissociative identity disorder is one such mental illness condition. To be honest, I'm not 100% sure where I'm going with this post. I'm going to try and correlate a bit, based on living with depression. According to the National Institutes of Health, a person with a diagnosis of depression CAN experience the fol ..read more

With Valentine's Day having just been on Sunday, I thought I would write a post on traversing the often challenging path that is love and mental illness. Unconditional love is defined as: - love without any strings attached - love offered freely - love for who they are and you want what's best for their happiness And here's a kicker; you love them WITHOUT expecting anything in return. Unconditional love is a selfless act and has several positive benefits. - It can benefit emotional health and mental health - It feels secure when faced with life's hardships - It's altruistic - meaning you don’t ..read more

Hazel: You have been a gift to us during this pandemic You have the brain of an academic We love your constant curiosity and joy Even though at times the things you do, we say, "oh boy!" Your energy is boundless Constantly going every which way and around us Thankfully Lola took a liking to you almost immediately But we have never figured out why she allows you to nip at her, causing her to bleed easily Early on, we thought Hazel suffered from ADHD But really, it was the fact that you get bored easily It's difficult to sometimes keep you busy So will run around with you, until we become dizzy ..read more