But this is just heavy drinking, sooooo Hey, peeps. How are you? How has everything been? Just kidding, I know how everything has been. The world is on fire, everyone is trying to not to die or let vulnerable people die, and the president of the United States is an egg salad sandwich. (A violent, macho, rapey egg-salad sandwich.) If it helps, I and most of America are very sorry about that. But some of America is real killy, real stupid, and very determined not to learn anything new. This means that folks who ordinarily wouldn’t tolerate racism or sexism are riding this horse right into the bl ..read more

Tomorrow is my husband’s quarterly CT scan. For some reason, they’ve scheduled his scan a full month ahead of his endoscopic ultrasound/colonoscopy/biopsy. This is nice because it gives me a whole additional month to worry that his cancer has returned. You know, room to really stretch out. My anxiety is such a lanky bitch. I’m trying to keep my head up, over here. The amount of ibuprofen I needed to take to manage pain gave me a little ulcer, and flared my gut issues. I’ve had to cut carbohydrates and FODMAPs out of my diet, again, while I heal, which shouldn’t be such a big deal, but it’s fun ..read more

I’m scheduled to see a regenerative medicine doctor April 17th. I feel nervous about it, in that, as I mentioned previously, I am dangerously hopeful for a magical cure. So, I need to document my experience, knowing as I do that the “cure” often looks very different than what I’m imagining. In fact, my new approach, and one that addresses the deep need to control things instilled in me both by my nature and by childhood trauma/abuse is to be open to whatever shape help arrives in. Obviously, what I would like is the entirety of my life back. The ability to do everything I was doing before- wal ..read more

Well, my little back strain injury wasn’t little. I have strained sacroiliac and lumbar ligaments. For those of you who would like to skip to the end of the story: THIS INJURY SUCKS JABBA COCK. For the first three months (September to November), I healed, very slowly. I was pretty much feeling normal when I literally caught a flying toddler at a parade (they don’t throw candy anymore, they throw offspring now), and then upgraded from a mild strain to an enjoy-your-new-life-of-nothing strain. I managed to work until last month, when I realized at 1 pm that I couldn’t remain vertical for a call ..read more

Hello, group of magical and powerful friends who assumedly have corporeal identities as well as these delicious collections of electrons! G’day to yous. I have to some stuff to tell you! Per the uge. Should I blog more than bi-annually? I should. I’ve been writing all kinds of stuff, and DOING all kinds of stuff, so it’s not like I’ve been sitting on my hands, over here. (ACTUALLY, that’s quite a comfortable sitting position, and perfectly acceptable to do, in between bouts of productivity.) First: I outed myself as sober (and why) in the local blog I write for. Wait. Prequel: I am a writer fo ..read more

Good morning, fancy pants. I’m so glad to see you. Isn’t it a perfectly wonderful morning? It’s been a long time since we talked, and I’ve missed you. I’ve been here, still sober (HOW IS THAT POSSIBLE), fighting my way out of a sort of Matryoshka assemblage of wet paper bags. Those of you who know me know my husband had stage three colorectal cancer. He still remains cancer free. His next scans are on the 24th, and I am stiff upper lipping until that’s done. He has no symptoms, which is reassuring, kind of- living post cancer is a little like living in a really erratically haunted house: you n ..read more

I went to an awards luncheon today, wherein I ran into an old drinking buddy of mine. His mom just passed away, and we were talking idly about the need to get together again. I said that I didn’t drink anymore, which had really put the kibosh on our previous type of socialization. He said he really didn’t drink much anymore, either. I promised to text him the next time we were having a BBQ or the like, and we parted ways. then I started thinking: I don’t do ANYTHING social anymore. Like, since the United States elected a balloon animal president, I am very civically active, with a bunch of fem ..read more

Before the most fantastic shitsplosion evacuated its’ bowels all over my fragile psyche? So, I’m still doing that. Here’s the latest chapter. when I quit drinking, and it WORKED, I started really juicing up on the practically incandescent notion that my behavior and my values finally matched. As time has gone by, I’ve started to be a little suspicious of that satisfied feeling. Here’s why: I’m really judgy about other peoples’ drinking. And I don’t notice it until I’m already holier than thou-ing my smarmy little buns through my nightly ablutions. That, coupled with my desire to explain to the ..read more

Hey, team. I’m sorry I’ve been utterly and entirely silent. Everything fell mostly apart. And now, things are continuing to politely reassemble, like the world’s biggest piece of IKEA  furniture. An OLL FAKDHUP (in aisle 9027782571, beside the linen storage towers and sectional chaise lounges), if you will. This morning, we heard back from my husband’s doctor that the biopsies (he has to do these every three months for two years) of his tumor site are still unremarkable. He has a boring rectum. This means he has been cancer-free for one year. I’m not crying, because I’m a robot now. But I ..read more

Well, it’s done. 8 months, 16 chemotherapy cycles, 6 weeks of radiation and 4211575752157507 scopes, scans, and examinations, and my husband is cancer-free. Clear CT Scan, clear endoscopic ultrasound, and not one cancer cell in the biopsies. Holy fucking shit ..read more