Hi there.  I know I’ve been completely absent from here, but wanted to post a quick update in this New Year.  2019 was amazing, and hard, and just okay all at the same time…which is perfect!  That’s just how life is, right?  I mean, for the most part it was wonderful, but there will ALWAYS be times that are hard and not perfect, which only makes me appreciate and cherish the good times that much more. So, in 2019:  I took a solo trip to Sri Lanka which I never would have done if I was still drinking.  It would have been so scary and filled with fear of “what if’s ..read more

Yes, today I am celebrating!  It’s actually better than a birthday…I’m celebrating getting better each day, not getting older!!! Last night my husband came home after a night out drinking with friends, it was late, and I had been asleep (of course the dogs woke me up for his arrival).  He was chatty and smelled of beer, and I didn’t mind.  Actually, my thought was “I’m so glad I’m not like that anymore”.  Yes, he was chatty and happy…but I wasn’t like that in the end of my drinking.  I would have been completely drunk, moody, and just mad at the world and everything in ..read more

Lately, I have been feeling restless and a bit uneasy.  I don’t think there is the thought that drinking would make anything better, I am certain it wouldn’t.  There is the desire to escape my thoughts, my feelings, and my uneasiness.  I don’t like the uncertainty of not knowing how to process my thoughts. I think this is all coming from my finishing up a big project…a personal project (I am making a cookbook for my kids).  It’s an online thing where I’m putting all the recipes we grew up having together and I am ready to submit it tomorrow.  I have been so focused on ..read more

So, I haven’t checked in in quite awhile but life has been good.  Not all fabulous and wonderful, but SO much better without the booze!  I have had some bouts of depression, the latest being the hardest, yet it is lifting and has prompted me to take action again…to start doing something I love and have a focus in my life. I think life gets to us when the everyday happenings just keep going along; working, cooking, cleaning, paying the bills, etc., etc., etc.  It is hard to stay focused on yourself with all the outside “musts” that have to be accomplished just to survive! I am ma ..read more

My husband and I took a long weekend to Vancouver this past week and it was my first sober vacation…in about 20 years!!!  We had a wonderful time and it was absolutely beautiful.  I couldn’t believe all the huge trees in the forests we walked through, the gorgeous ocean waters along the seawall surrounding Stanley Park and the vibrancy of the city! My husband and I have not been anywhere where we didn’t drink.  Our typical vacation would always consist of stopping by a wine store on the way to checking into the hotel so we’d have some for after we drank at dinners, we would stoc ..read more

My rock says “Believe”.  Where I went to treatment, when you complete your stay there is a type of ceremony…a Stone Out.  This monumental moment is where everyone shares a bit about YOU…how you’ve grown, what they hope for you in sobriety, their faith in you, words of encouragement, etc…and you are given a rock with a word on it from the staff (which they choose for you).  Mine said “Believe”. It was a general consensus that I was a good person; kind, compassionate, loving, a good listener…but I needed to believe in myself.  All my self-doubt and my “not good enough” is wha ..read more

It’s day 91 for me. My 43rd birthday is tomorrow and today I am feeling really proud of myself. I am finally living life…only took 43 years, but hey, who’s counting right?!!! I was thinking back on all the years of my drinking, my marriage, my kids, my life in general. To be honest (and some may not like this), I couldn’t have done it without alcohol. Wine got me to where I am today and getting rid of it will let me be who I want to be, yet it served a purpose in my life. It’s all a process and everything happens for a reason and I truly believe that. Wine got me through my marriage, all the r ..read more

This morning while lying in bed, my husband sweetly asked me how I was doing (this, of course, was in regards to my well being now that I am not drinking). He has become compassionate and caring in a way that I haven’t seen in a LONG time! As you might know from my earlier posts, we have had a rough time in our marriage and I am realizing now that a LOT of it was my drinking…humbling and a bit frightening, but also relief that it might all be okay. It might even be great! I am beginning to see his side of things through the posts of others still struggling to get solid ground under them. The s ..read more

Still going and feeling more grateful every day. I was at an AA meeting this week (I’m not a huge fan of AA, but found a group I really like)…never judge before you really dig deep and get all the information to make that judgement! I realized that I had to surrender my attachment to the outside and look deep within myself. I had, for SO many years, blamed everything outside of me for all my “problems”. My husband wasn’t supportive in the way I needed, we didn’t have enough money, I didn’t like my job, my mom died way too early and left me behind, I had WAY too much to do and too much responsi ..read more

Well, it’s officially 2018 and I was sober for the 1st time on New Year’s Eve in about 25 years!!! If you haven’t quit drinking quite yet, and it is your New Year’s Resolution…you CAN DO THIS! For me, it ultimately took Rehab. A lot of people (including myself) are resistant to Rehab thinking it’s for the desperate, the ones who have lost everything, those that have been in jail, are working out a DUI (or several), or on death’s bed. NOT SO! I was totally functional, I have a good job, I have taken care of my family’s every need, I pay the bills, etc., etc. But I needed help. I needed to find ..read more