THERE IS A UNIVERSAL LAW OF LIFE…..WE ARE EITHER GROWING OR WE ARE DYING. When we are in addiction we are truly dying inside. When we make the decision to get sober we are being called to grow!! When we are drinking we are living a life of stuffing our feelings. We drink to avoid any and all feelings. Whenever we feel a pang of anxiety or that tightness in our chest we use alcohol to block all of this. The alcohol overpowers all of our feelings even the good. When asked how we are, we say fine because we are truly dead inside so fine is an appropriate answer right?? When we feel that pang of t ..read more

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So for some people things have to get really bad in order for them to surrender. I don’t know what that line is for you. For me by the time I decided to get sober I was almost begging for a reason to put my hands up and say I give! Something had to give and it was only going to get worse. Whats worse? For me there could of been many worsts but it was enough that I was constantly thinking of alcohol and planning and hiding or disguising how much I was drinking. I would put water in wine bottles to pretend I hadn’t drank the whole second bottle or hide bottles in my purse and dispose of them in ..read more

I don’t know about all of you but when I got sober I was the only living person on the planet that I knew personally that was. My dad has not been a drinker since the military but he will still have a beer here and there but literally other than that I knew nobody with the exception of celebrities that were sober. Since I was not able to sit and have a chat with them about what it was like I was pretty much on my own. You don’t notice how much drinking is literally everywhere until you stop. Drinking and plans involving drinking and signs about drinking and commercials about drinking, people ..read more

“Theres gotta be something more…..gotta be more than this!” This song was my most played song for 6 solid years before I got sober and started this journey to my truth and to myself. It was clearly my anthem! I was always reaching and searching for something more, something to make things right….to make me right. The problem was that I didn’t have any idea what that was or what that meant. Life just always felt like I was missing something important or that would complete me. I think a lot of us feel this way even if its just at certain times in life but I felt this for as long as I can remem ..read more

So I recently came across this picture on social media……..It kind of freaked me out to say the least. I know sobriety has to be a priority for me but I suddenly had this pang of fright , “what if I am not paying enough attention?”, “Am I doing enough?”. It has been two and a half years since I started my sobriety path and while I obviously think about my sobriety, I also don’t spend everyday focusing on it. When I first got sober it was my only priority, and rightfully so. I knew then and I still do that in order to be present and the person I want to be I need to keep my sobriety high on my ..read more

By the time I made the decision to get help for my drinking and to enter recovery I was in such a bad place with my anxiety that I was borderline housebound. I could no longer drive on highways, over bridges, overpasses, I couldn’t go anywhere…even dinner without drinking at least 2 glasses of wine so that I would not have a panic attack before we were even seated. I would leave full grocery carts of food at the store abandoned in an aisle because I had worked myself into a panic attack. The shakes, the sweats, the numbing of hands, my rapid breathing. I would literally go sheet white in color ..read more

My heart has and always will belong to these two. Being a Mom and feeling that all encompassing love you feel for your children is unmatched. I can say like most any mom out there that I love my kids more than I could ever love anything or anyone else. So why then?? Why couldn’t I stop drinking for them? Why wasn’t it enough? There were so many times I tried to quit and I truly believed that the sheer strength of their love would get me through it. I knew that I wasn’t just impacting myself with my choices I was impacting them every single day I picked up a drink. Id catch myself when I knew ..read more

The big answer here is there is no “right” way, but there is a right way for you! Let me just say this, you have to follow the path that feels right to you. I can only tell you my experiences. What I hope is that my experience and thoughts on this can guide you and lead you to what may work! Take what you want from this and leave the rest for someone who might need it! Keep in mind that your journey to recovery will change over time. What felt right in the beginning may not feel quite right once you’ve grown and gained more knowledge. This is true for me…my growth has led me on many paths and ..read more

Monday October 15 was my 2 year sober anniversary. My sister gave me a card that read “You Are The Author of Your Own Story”. How profound to think that I could not even have thought those words let alone uttered them out loud two years earlier. My journey to becoming the author of my story began with my decision to get sober. When I took the step to change my life and finally get help and when I could honestly say down to my core that I was ready, I truly had no idea what exactly that meant . All I knew was that I could no longer live in the massive web of my drinking and the mind games that ..read more