If you can believe it I’ve actually gone and made it another year! Whaaattt?! I’ve been working myself into a stupor so obv my addiction has just transferred from booze to cigarettes to ice cream to work I am ashamed to report that I’m still very much into drowning myself in ice cream and have not turned into the kale juicing, goji berry eating health goddess I so desperately wanted to be. I’m well but have not been doing any introspection or checking in on my sober network . These past two years have really been a bit of a blur of grieving and work and not much else. I hope you all are we ..read more

I’ve been totally absent from blogging. Not intentionally but rather life has become really busy, working full time, studying, still grieving, raising kids, trying to navigate marriage and all that brings with it. Blah blah blah, I hear you say…I’ve been ok. Getting better slowly but grief, middle aged disillusionment & tiredness can really take its toll on a person’s resolve. Today is the 4th year of continuous sober-dom! Insert marching band music and banners and confetti and ALL the non alcoholic drinks! It’s good to celebrate these milestones but the soberversy always comes with a s ..read more

Step 1: Don’t drink The first thing you need to do is …DO NOT consume alcohol or any mind-altering substances…no matter what. (Coffee and sugar don’t count, overdose on those at your own peril) I can hear the mic drop somewhere in the distance… It’s really as simple and as complicated as that…Thank you everyone….I’ll be here all night… So the last couple of months have been really interesting. I can use the word interesting here because I’m not rocking back forth mumbling to myself in the corner of the room, like I was six months ago. My mother is dead. She has left this earthly plane and ..read more

Today marks my 3rd year of sustained sobriety. (In this decade of life, lol) I think we all know this isn’t my first rodeo. I’ve relapsed more often than tik-tok dances goes viral. I’m actually not big of the counting thing, I think it places undue pressure and creates this myth that the more days you have the wiser you are somehow. I can unequivocally say that this is not the case because I have attended meetings with people that had loads of time but didn’t seem happy and free at all. It can also create a sense of dread and fear in the addict that is contemplating getting clean & sober ..read more

I hate quiet time because when its quiet I remember my mother is dead and I feel like the silence is going to swallow me up. It’s too damn loud. It’s a blunt pain. A definite pain. A pain that is here to stay. So pull up a chair.  I can’t feel her or hear her. I’m desperate for some sign that she’s watching over me. I am so desperate for this that I’ve started writing notes to myself in her ‘voice’ …things I think she would have said to me. I’m finding small comfort in this. I have a shrine laden with skull candle holders, incense, some of her trinkets, Lord Ganesha and Buddha among them ..read more

My mother died on the 12th of December 2019. It was the last full moon of the year and decade. She was sick, there’s no doubt about that but we thought we had more time. She had some heart and lung problems but they were all under control with the meds she was taking. On Monday the 9th of December she went into hospital with a really bad stomach ache. They did scans and found a ‘mass’ on her pancreas. They did more scans and on the Tuesday they said it was pancreatic cancer that has spread to her liver. I collapsed when my brother gave me the news. The doctor said she has 24 months left to liv ..read more

This is a brilliant piece by a very cool blogger: http://whatmesober.com/2019/05/24/the-guru-syndrome/ I’ve seen this happen and also been there. I’m seeing this more and more on *social media too, the newly sober snapping glamorous pics & dolling out therapy as if they’ve been sober for 20 years. This platform gives us addicts a way to ‘rebrand’ ourselves and its very tempting indeed. No more the hapless alcoholic now new and sparkly sexy and sober… We do need to clasp back any tiny shred of self esteem we can get after being kocked down by addiction so I GET IT. The issue is just that so ..read more

Hellllooo! Still sober everyone, I haven’t disappeared into a bottle of Sauvignon Blanc, yay me So 3 years ago I hit my head on that koi pond. Fucking hell! I can’t actually believe it’s been that long. Facebook has this really cool way of reminding me of all the shit I got up to with the little pop up windows. 3 years ago today… there it was a photo of mr hurrah and I on a night out the night after I had that horrific accident. That day I started drinking at 10 in the morning just to function. We had to go to a mate’s birthday. I was black and blue thankfully under my clothes so no one coul ..read more

I should really be writing 4 separate posts but the new 2019 me is all about maximum efficiency so here goes. I feel a bit like Bridget Jones because looking back I do start off most of my writing with a report on the fag and sugar front and it’s not entirely lost on me that I am failing miserably at stopping both. I am of course still smoking like a trooper and have ballooned in size due to all the festive gorging. One does not need to eat 3 mince pies for breakfast. We have officially moved to the coast.  Something I never thought I would say!? Mr Hurrah has wanted to live near the sea ..read more

Just a little meme that made me wish I was wearing a Tenna lady today:) …for your viewing pleasure ..read more