So, I’m using this eclipse, like I have tried to use Christmas and New Years and my birthday and Easter, to fully jump-start a new path, a sober path. I would have had 8 years this past March 30th, but I had a drink in London (because I had never been to London!) and then another for some occasion, I can’t remember what, and then on and off for the next (almost) two years. I didn’t see that coming. Seriously. But how could I not? I’ve listened to person after person describe how one special drink led them into further drinking, but I knew that didn’t really apply to me. After all, I had trans ..read more

WOW. I was going to blog about something else entirely, but when I found this photo, I was reminded of the song Starry, Starry Night. I heard Wayne Dyer’s daughter sing it live years ago at one of those “I Can Do It!” conferences. For the first time, I googled it and heard the Don McLean version. I’m sitting here crying. Seriously. It’s so beautiful. So, back to 1972 with a throwback video that starts with an introduction in another language, here it is! It’s still so worth listening and watching, and for those who’ve never heard the song, it’s about Vincent Van Gogh and his struggle with men ..read more

Although I just blogged about not EVER being able to get a puppy, I (and my husband) took a huge leap of faith, and we now have Cody, the cutest puppy ever. Of course, my husband wanted to talk about the pros and cons of getting a puppy, but my argument was that it’s never a good idea if you take this approach. (Neither are children, but we have 5 between us.) It’s always going to cost a lot, be inconvenient, cause dog-sitting headaches, and be super messy in the beginning. But logic has no place in this decision, I argued. A dog is a miracle. And my yearning heart has wanted this miracle for ..read more

Hello, all! It never ceases to amaze me what a few days of taking care of myself can do for my mental and physical health. Just a few days in and I’m a different person. It’s almost as if … when you stop pouring glugs of poison down your throat, your health improves! Who knew? I knew! And if there is a benefit to drinking again after a loooong period of sobriety, it is this: You are not starting over. You can pick up where you left off. Yes, there is some valuable time for reflection, and yes, now is the time to reach out to others in the same position, but overall, I’m not (yet) in nearly as ..read more

Luckily, I put my back out on Day 1, so really I could only lie around, take Advil, and drag myself to Cold Stone Creamery at 6:00, when most people eat dinner. Because it was Day 1, I could have anything I wanted to eat. (The trade-off is worth it.) I had a hot fudge sundae with extra fudge in one of those waffle cones shaped like a bowl. Day 2, I went to a nearby Unity Church that I’d always claimed I wanted to really start going to, and maybe meet some people. Long nap. Back to Cold Stone. Day 3, felt a good deal better, though still tired. As a surprise, my husband traded in my old SUV an ..read more

Well, after much sobriety, years in fact, I decided to experiment again in the drinking game. What I found out, OF COURSE, is that the game hasn’t changed and neither have I. So … I now have the opportunity to follow my own advice and begin again, without shame or blame. I spent an entire year with a few months sober here, a few weeks there, but I never formally committed to new sobriety until today. So TODAY I have publicly outed myself, and I begin again on one of the most worthwhile journeys a human being can take. So …. Happy Birthday to me! I’m determined to make this lapse worthwhile by ..read more

To Leslie, a great new film about a woman facing the depths of life lived via alcohol. It was painful to watch, but I loved it, and Andrea Riseborough is one hell of an actress. The movie claims it is based on true events. Click here for the trailer ..read more

Let’s make it one to remember. 2022 was a mixed bag, for sure. There were spectacular highs (two babies born!) and shocking lows (health on the downswing), but … I AM HERE FOR THE NEW YEAR!! I am CLAIMING this one OUT LOUD as the one in which I FINALLY put fear behind me and STEP OUT in a new never-seen-before way … Starting … NOW! Please join me! There will be dancing and free popcorn. Maybe even world travel ..read more

Six years ago, I went to a retreat center on top of a mountain in a last ditch effort to get sober. I was there for 8 days. Here’s what I wrote while I was there: Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil I’d never heard of an Ayurvedic massage, not before my self-imposed rehab at a mountain retreat that promised yoga, meditation, vegetarian food, and healing. No meat or alcohol allowed on the premises. It was here on a table, on top of a mountain so high that we often walked through clouds, that silent women anointed my body — my forehead, my palms, my feet — with warm, fragrant oil. Thei ..read more

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