Have you ever realized that you had to do something for all of eternity and felt your chest constrict in a sort of claustrophobic panic? When you think of being sober forever do you immediately run through the social difficulties of far off future events like weddings of your kids (who are in grade school)? You aren’t alone, this is a common rhetoric in newly sober people. Forever is an absolutely overwhelming concept, especially when we can’t count on almost anything in this world of ours, and in this messy human condition of ours, to always be consistent. Forever feels sort of insane. So why ..read more

Sober life to me is so much about living intentionally, not just letting life happen, choosing how it looks every day. When I was drinking, life was chaos. It was the opposite of flowing and smooth, I felt like I was always running to catch up. There was no time to find stability, it just wasn’t a priority, I was too busy trying to stay afloat. The seas were always rocky. There was no intentionality to my choices, they were made in haste, in response to an instinct to survive. When you are surviving life, rather than living it, the side effects make it harder and harder to get ahead, it is lik ..read more

First things first, I would like to say that I am friends with many beautiful and smart people who label themselves as “Alcoholic”. Most of them take part in 12 step programs. This label works for them. For some, the strict terminology is the only way to fully realize that you have to do things differently than other people that you know. And if it is working for you, please don’t take this piece as an attack on that. 12 step programs have saved so many lives, and they will continue to do so. But it is no secret that the program and it’s terminology isn’t reaching all of us. Most in the recove ..read more

So I am sure that it isn’t a surprise in the least, when I tell you that alcohol use disorder carries a “bit” of a stigma, right? Groups like ‘She Recovers’ and so many other brave and vulnerable souls all over the internet are working at chipping away at that stigma, by recovering out loud. Search for the hashtags and trends and you will be buoyed with hope. But it is a slow process to change a society, and belief systems don’t transform overnight. Honestly, it took me quite awhile to “come out” as sober, because the societal mindset we have allowed to exist is a petrifying place to be honest ..read more

I had a surprise experience this past week. And not in the way of a surprise $5 in a pocket, or a surprisingly awesome yoga class. I was calmly and efficiently going about my week, when buried trauma (I think that’s what it was), showed up. Out of the blue. I was up all night one night. I couldn’t shake the unsettled feeling for days. I felt like my old life was a vortex attempting to suck my new life into it, to obliterate it. And most of all, I felt confused. Because I was remembering things I didn’t even remember that I had forgotten, lifetimes and memories that belonged to me, but were com ..read more

The early days are fragile. One thing can send you off course, one thing can make you forget your goals, one thing can deceive you into thinking it wasn’t that bad, one thing can convince you that you need “just a little” alcohol to survive your life. The human condition is hard. It is a roller coaster of emotions and we are all on our own, unique, ride. Alcohol offers an instant escape hatch, as it can temporarily make the ride seem easier/more fun/less boring/more meaningful. But these manufactured chemical feelings don’t last, they are fleeting, a few hours maybe. Some people even say the r ..read more

This week, I am lucky enough to be on a retreat at magical Kripalu with a group from She Recovers. I spend a lot of time talking to women in my regular life, and I have done this kind of intense feminine immersion before too. In fact, since becoming sober, I have been more and more drawn to deep female friendships and connections. I crave time with interesting women, I seek them out, I feel a need deep in my bones. But I notice, over and over, that women everywhere are united by a common thread, myself included. This thread is woven through our coffee dates, book clubs, family events and even ..read more

“When we speak our truth, we give the other person permission to come forward too.” - Aruni Futoransky Did you know that Bradley Cooper was 5 years sober when he filmed The Hangover? I was recently listening to a very impactful podcast where he spoke to Oprah about the great work of his life, his recent film “A Star is Born”. I fell in love with him, more so. His authenticity and vulnerability were endearing. His sheer gratitude for being alive was so inspiring. He comes from a point of view of someone who is in recovery, who has been given a second chance at this thing we call life. This is a ..read more

  This is a post about sober vacations.  And it isn’t the post I had hoped to write while on this lovely, sober (of course), vacation.  And don’t let the title fool you, it also isn’t about all of the signs for gun shows and exhibitions I saw on the drive here.  When I was sober curious (the period where one is reading sobriety blogs, watching sober people and maybe even having some sober trial periods…my sober curious period lasted years, I kept leaving red wine stains on the self help books and couldn’t figure out why they weren’t “working”. ) Anyway, during that period I ..read more

“if you deny your story, it owns you. If you own your story, you get to write the ending”.   - Brene Brown The day I quit drinking for good is the day I finally owned my story.   I just listened to Brene Brown’s audio book, and it inspired me to write what Anne Lamont calls the SFD (The shitty first draft). My SFD, so far, is this website, and this blog .  What it will turn into, I don’t know. But it feels like it is time to start telling my story. It needs to get out on (virtual) paper. It needs to exist. I was (and still am) addicted to self help and personal development writ ..read more