A new global virus is quickly spreading globally. The new virus, ID-10T, has been reported in every country. Everyone is susceptible to the virus. It’s been reported that some of the symptoms might include: sharing fake news, not quarantining during global pandemics, not trusting scientists, believing the earth is flat, and not using the proper you’re/your. There is a cure for the ID-10T virus. It’s called, Think Before You Post. The post New Global Virus Called ID-10T Is Spreading Quickly appeared first on Caps Lock News ..read more

Police departments have officially warned families to check Halloween candy for copies of “The Communist Manifesto” book. Local departments are warning families that these books are more dangerous than crack cocaine. The warning also states that these books might not have a short term issue, but a more dangerous long term effect that will ‘destroy America”. The full police warning can be read below: “Dear Local Residents, please be on the lookout for liberal snowflakes passing out copies of ‘The Communist Manifest’. Make sure to check Halloween candy bags for these books because they’re more ..read more

Squid Game might not be all the hype people are claiming it is. Well, according to one marine biologist at least. The marine biologist went on a twitter rant to let out his frustrations on the “complete inaccuracy of Netflix show. He tweeted the following: “How can a large streaming service come out with a show called “Squid Game” and not show a single squid?”. He later added. “NOT ONE DAMN SQUID. CLIMATE CHANGE IS KILLING THE PLANET. WE NEED TO SAVE THE SQUIDS. C’MON NETFLIX. #BOYCOTT NETFLIX”. After the tweets went viral, the Marine Biologist Associates group showed supported by calling on ..read more

President Joe Biden has signed an executive order that makes it mandatory to pass out Candy Corn during Trick-or-Treating. The new mandatory rule will take effect this Halloween and will be required every year. The executive order does give Americans some freedom of choice. Families will be able to purchase any brand of their liking. This also includes any flavor of Candy Corn, including the disgusting chocolate flavored ones. If a household refuses to pass out Candy Corn during Trick-or-Treating, the household will receive a $2,000 fine. The second penalty of violating the executive order wi ..read more

A new study on the Pfizer vaccine linked a side effect to growing a bigger dick. The study comes after millions of men started reporting bigger penises after receiving the Pfizer vaccine. The new side effect is averaging about 3-4 months before men start to see their genitals grow. According to the study, women aren’t being affected by any genital changes. With the new side effect being officially recognized by the CDC, the United States is quickly approaching their desired vaccination goals. The country is setting a world record for men being vaccinated in such a short amount of time. The US ..read more

It has been reported that President Biden will be improving unemployment benefits. Starting next week, those on unemployment will be receiving free subscriptions to Netflix, HBO, and Hulu. Joe Biden was quoted saying the following: “Listen here folks. Those on unemployment are uninspired. By adding all these streaming services as unemployment benefits, people will be inspired from the creative shows and movies to start their own businesses.” “They’ll be motivated to get off unemployment and start contributing to the economy. This is the American way.” Biden finished. On top of the free subscr ..read more

Starting today, the CDC will be lifting restrictions on being a total piece of shit. Although some people were total pieces of shit before the pandemic, others started after. With a start date of today, people across the country will no longer need to be total pieces of shit. They’ll have total freedom to be decent human beings. Many Americans took the temporary restrictions to the extreme. For example, various republicans and democrats started to become massive pieces of shit, then upgraded to total pieces of shit. Now with the restrictions removed by the CDC, hopefully we will see total pie ..read more

Joe Biden has officially selected Post Malone as the new Chief of Interior Design. Biden claims that Post Malone has the best taste when it comes to appearance and design. Post Malone, whose real name is Austin Richard Post, will still go by Post Malone when conducting governmental duties. His main duties will be managing the interior design of the White House, and primarily guiding architects with new design standards for the United States. The first opportunity for Post Malone will be to completely redesign the White House. His main focus will be fixing the aesthetic that he claims is curre ..read more

Amazon has announced that it will no longer drug test candidates or current employees for crack or meth. The announcement came earlier this week via a company wide email. The new policy change is being implemented to help improve productivity levels at all Amazon distribution centers across the country. Marijuana and alcohol will still be prohibited, and met with corporate discipline. According to the company, Amazon tested the new drug policy in Indiana. Their reports found that allowing employees to use crack & meth greatly improved productivity and profits by 300%. They noted that work ..read more

“How To Live Off The Government” is the latest class being offered at Indiana University. The new class will be available for the Fall semester of 2021. According to Indiana University’s website, the class is aimed to help recent graduates find income once they graduate. Since obtaining a college degree doesn’t mean much now a days, the college figured helping graduates find financial assistance would be important for their careers. The new class, “How To Live Off The Government” will teach the basic fundamentals of surviving off government benefits. After the basic fundamentals are taught, t ..read more