The Burt’s Bees company has decided to update their logo. They’ll be replacing the iconic visage of co-founder and accomplished beekeeper Burt Shavitz, with that of Hollywood actor/writer Seth Rogen. Their thinking being, Rogen can help them tap into a younger, nerdier, more chapped lip-susceptible audience. “We feel now is the perfect time to retire Burt,” said VP of Marketing Shannon Cornharf. “We also see Seth as the embodiment of the Burt’s Bees brand. He’s able to pull off that fresh from the beehive look we’re so desperately craving from a potential successor.” She went on to describe th ..read more

Tropicana is officially joining the fight against coronavirus. Their R&D team in Chicago has been working day and night on what they’re calling a flu prevention serum. “I know what you’re thinking, but it’s not orange juice,” said head of R&D Ray Parsnip. “Everyone keeps saying we’re just renaming our staple orange juice product. But I can assure you, this is a completely different product.” Everyone at Tropicana has been sworn to secrecy about the product. It’s been in development for a few months now, recently reaching phase three clinical trials. “We’re testing on humans now. A grou ..read more

By: Brendan Doran @saybrooksocial A consulting team, led by D.C. native and junior partner J. Brad Harrington III, were the brains behind the recent renaming of the Washington Redskins. The team worked with owners to find a creative solution. The results were so positive, the city then commissioned the group to look for additional “re-brand-able” locations that instilled a similar aura as Washington Football Team. “The front office was pretty stoked with this name,” said Harrington, “I mean, it’s Washington and it’s a football team, am I right? Feel like we nailed it. Plus, the city liked it s ..read more

In a recent poll conducted at ESPN headquarters, NFL insider Adam Schefter was voted “Most Likely to Get Stuffed in a Locker” by his fellow journalists and sportscasters. “Adam just has the type of face you want to smash,” said ESPN personality Steve Levy. “I mean the dude sends texts while on camera, as if the info he’s getting out just cannot wait for a commercial break. If that doesn’t scream geek you want to stuff into a locker, I don’t know what does.”   The post ESPN’s Adam Schefter Voted “Most Likely To Get Stuffed in a Locker” by His Peers appeared first on Flagged Content ..read more

Golden State Warriors guard Steph Curry was seen panicking after the mouth guard he was chewing on fell into a post-practice tray of mostaccioli. “I’m always chewing on the thing, it’s a wonder it doesn’t happen more often,” revealed Curry, “I’ve dropped it before, but never into a tray full of pasta.” After the mouth guard fell, Curry was spotted scooping it out of the buffet tray in a hurried fashion. “Oh, I saw it,” said Warriors forward Draymond Green, “Do you see any mostaccioli on my plate? I moved right on to the stuffed shells after seeing that go down.” Curry was last seen debating be ..read more

Tampa Bay Bucs Tight End Rob Gronkowski was seen shirtless, wandering outside the Paramount Pictures lot in Hollywood, CA. Onlookers said he could be heard screaming the word nerds over and over again. “He brought a couple cases of beer with him. Dude’s been pounding Busch Light out front since around 9am,” noted a security guard on the Sony lot. “It’s extremely threatening, but slightly charming as well.” Gronkowski only made one request of his long-time sports agent during their entire relationship. He wanted to be informed the moment they decided to remake Revenge of the Nerds. Because in h ..read more

“That Leonard Davison … I always thought he was up to something,” decried long-time organist Grace Pendergrass. “He always kept that camera of his on those poor couples far too long, if you ask me. I, for one, am glad he’s still unemployed.” Grace then went on to do a full rendition of Baby Elephant Walk before telling the interviewer he had the same first name as her grandson. Image Credit The post Long Time Organist Always Viewed Team’s Kiss Cam Operator as Smut Peddler appeared first on Flagged Content ..read more

The unnamed kitchen sponge was unceremoniously laid to rest in the family’s garbage receptacle early Tuesday, after getting caught in the disposal for the fifteenth time. The near decade-old sponge, which was likely responsible for no less than 85% of the illnesses the family had been stricken with since its arrival, is survived by the other sponge that was in the package. Image Credit The post Family Bids Fond Farewell to Kitchen Sink Sponge after Seven Faithful Years of Service appeared first on Flagged Content ..read more

A young man disintegrated on the Brown Line earlier today. He was on a northbound train heading home from work when, unbeknownst to him, an interplanetary black hole opened up just a few inches to his right. Moments later, he was sucked into the dark, limitless expanse of an object that – until now – was only a figment of the scientific community’s imagination. On-lookers mentioned that, before the elemental fiber of his very being was torn to shreds, he was head-down and completely immersed in his phone. Upon hearing this, the scientific community demanded his browser history be released, see ..read more

“I’ve always been a big fan of filming people,” noted kiss cam operator Lenny Davison, “I love that two minute-span between the top and bottom of the 4th inning. Catching unsuspecting couples, friends and sometimes even siblings. Forcing them to lock lips in front of thousands of people, it’s exhilarating,” he said. “But, if I may be honest, I worry it’s the reason the job offers haven’t exactly been rolling in. I provide a very niche service that, in light of recent concerns around social distancing, may not be as valuable anymore.” Davison went on to describe the last conversation he had wit ..read more