It is clear in this interview that Kim has a deep understanding of what it is like to be a child facing the challenges of a divorce. She has had the unique privilege of spending time in a confidential setting hearing what children feel, think and struggle with. Her many many hours of being present to children has made her a powerful voice for the needs of children. Because co-parents can be overwhelmed by the changes in their lives and the many, multi-layered stresses that come with this change, it can be hard to focus on the experience of their children. In this interview, Kim’s insights will ..read more

Meet Samie who created Our Days Calendar: a unique co-parenting calendar that makes co-parenting easier, reduces stress and conflict. Samie talks about his background, his co-parenting journey and what motivated him to create this useful app. He discusses different elements of the calendar, as well as how the calendar can be beneficial to co-parents. I interviewed Samie because I am always looking for tools that help co-parents. Modern parenting life is complicated, but add in the challenges of co-parenting, and it becomes even more logistically challenging. Sometimes simple management tools s ..read more

A while back I read something about how smiling makes you feel good. The article said when you smile, a chemical is emitted in your brain that makes you feel happier. If you’re testing it now, you’ll see that it’s true. I read this against a backdrop of intense worry.  In the last several years, my concern about our country, and in particular the deep and painful divide between factions, has been eating me alive. The ease with which we call each other stupid, idiots, selfish, elites, uneducated, too educated, whatever, is like nails on a chalkboard. I see it in politics, on social media ..read more

Many years have passed since since my divorce and difficult co-parenting years. In retrospect I can see how those years grew me up, opened my heart and changed my understanding of love. This article is a description of the process that unfolded for me. My hope is that you might find yourself in it somewhere, and that it can provide some guidance and hope. Recognizing I was Stuck  In the beginning, for several years, my co-parent and I were intensely conflictual. I believed he was always angry, that he didn’t he want to cooperate, that he wanted to punish me and that he wasn’t as competent ..read more

One of the most difficult realities of divorced co-parenting is dividing up holidays. Being away from children on a holiday can feel intensely empty and debilitatingly sad. Many of us have divorced families in our extended families. Supporting divorced co-parents with holiday grief can be challenging.  I write this for co-parents, but also for the people who love them. My hope is that it will help you help them get through this holiday season.  This blogpost starts with a personal story… Leaving the home we loved: An example of unacknowledged grief Recently we moved from the countr ..read more

Mindfulness is an amazing tool that can be extraordinarily helpful in co-parenting. Here are just a couple of the many ways divorced co-parents need mindfulness. Mindfulness helps co-parents stay in control of emotions that unchecked can cause a lot of trouble! When co-parents act out of their emotions, they tend to behave in ways that are not in their own best interest, or the best interest of their children. Mindfulness helps co-parents stay present with themselves so that we can be present (attuned) to their children. We now know that being present to children is one of the most importan ..read more

Is your co-parent badmouthing you to the children?  Knowing that your co-parent is badmouthing you is terrible! It is deeply distressing, anger provoking and  just plain scary to feel like your co-parent is trying to turn your children against you. Co-parents can get very confused about to deal with this, and are vulnerable to responding in ways that not make things, but also inadvertently hurt their children. My Co-Parent is Badmouthing Me to The Children: 8 Things to Think About and Do 1. The story of what happened between you and your co-parent may be important to you and your c ..read more

When COVID hit, I decided to take on a heavy caseload. I knew people were suffering, and hoped I could help. Many of my new clients work in the medical field.  Most of them were were experiencing extreme anxiety. It didn’t take long for me to realized that I was very anxious as well. My usual skills were not working.  “What am I doing?” I wondered. “I don’t know how to counsel people. I’m as anxious as they are and I don’t know what to do to help myself.” I felt achy and had this weird sick feeling especially in my thighs. I realized it was fear, taking up residence in my body. But i ..read more

Co-parents commonly say that communication is the biggest problem they encounter with their ex. Often they feel powerless to change it. Is it reasonable to think communication between highly conflicted co-parents can improve? Yes, co-parents can and do improve their communication. It is amazing how much improving communication can improve life in general. The first step in improving communication is to look closely at the way you have been communicating. Communication between two people who are in conflict is patterned and repetitive; that is they have the same type of communication over and ..read more

Co-parents commonly say that communication is the biggest problem they encounter with their ex. Often they feel powerless to change it. Is it reasonable to think communication between highly conflicted co-parents can improve? Yes, co-parents can and do improve their communication. It is amazing how much improving communication can improve life in general. The first step in improving communication is to look closely at the way you have been communicating. Communication between two people who are in conflict is patterned and repetitive; that is they have the same type of communication over and o ..read more