Day 14 has been good for me, so far the last two weeks have been ok (bearing in mind I have done these days soooo many times before that I know the hard times will come but I just know I am armed and able to cope with them now. For me it gets harder further down the line I think…and then I would have a cycle of lots of binge drinking in a short period of time, like say every other night or so for 2/3 weeks and then stop again for a while…so I recognise that that is more my cycle at the moment, and knowing that I am now able to step outside of the cycle and see that it is longer than I thought ..read more

I’m not quite sure where I am at the moment. Ive been listening to podcasts still, have been doing well, day 70 today, stopped to think a little today and realise that I am seeing old habbits creep in – not with alcohol but with being sneaky…like vaping, or self medicating, things that only I know and I think about doing and now realise it is probably a way of escaping, so yes , I need to address this. There was a moment last week when I wanted to drink, can’t remember quite when now but it came and went, I know I can get to 100 days, and beyond, but don’t want to substitute with other behavio ..read more

61 days, feeling great….i know I need to update properly, life is so hectic because I’m living it, not just throwing it away with one bad hangover after the next. Things are changing, evolving, moving forward, change it good, it makes us grow. I am growing in so many ways ..read more

So I’ve been feeling super confident lately, but then today just feels like I need a good blow out. “I deserve to be able to relax” “I enjoy numbing out” “I need it” etc….tomorrow will be day 21 and this is the longest I’ve have abstained for a LONG time now and I know I don’t want to drink really. But it’s annoying. I will listen to a podcast as I drive home. Not sure what’s bothering me. Ive not been able to spend any quality time with Mr A in the last 2/3 weeks, we are drifting apart and it’s so scary how fast that happens just by neither of us making the effort. My older sister has just be ..read more

I know I said I needed to update properly, a lot has happened – I’m still processing…. But in brief – my drinking continued to escalate and hide in dark corners, and I started to behave in ways that were morally wrong for me, one occasion in particular felt like rock bottom. Even that didn’t make me stop, although I did stop for a few weeks, but then of course “I’m fine” “it’s ok” would creep back in. The ‘thing’ happened at the end of September, and now two months later I am finally in this place. I’ve never thought it was going to be easy to stop drinking, I’ve always approached my ‘this is ..read more

I need to come back and do a big update, reading my last post is very sad, as something drastic happened a few days after that post which has been pretty much life changing , and things have been very up and down since then, about 6 weeks ago, but all I can say now, as it’s still too much to process here is this- I am on the right track and finally feel ready for this change …please send positive vibes my way xxx ..read more

I was laid off/packaged off/made redundant? 2 weeks ago. It was a shock. I knew the company was doing lay offs. Suncor had announced a 15% reduction … 27 years and a Taxi ride home ..read more

Tonight I took my 3 daughters (with their aunt) to the theatre to see the early 5.30pm showing of “Six”. There were too many of us for the car so I booked a train through. Realising this means I don’t have to drive I decided to have a quick drink before setting off in the house(double vodka). I got a taste for it and it’s such a hot sunny holiday feel today I grabbed some on the go cans to have on the walk to the station and the train journey. That was me on 5units before tea, once I met up with their aunt I could really switch off so we went for tea and I had a large wine at the table, as wel ..read more

Drunk again, and it was just going to be one or two ..read more

I guess I come here to confess my sins. Cleanse my brain, start afresh. There have been so significant periods of abstinence to write about. All I know is I hate alcohol and the person it turns me into (myself?) I have an all inclusive holiday with my mum (child free) in 5 weeks so this has been making me think there is no point in stopping drinking until after then. But that’s just an ex use. There will always be another holiday, another celebration, another event. And I don’t want them marred with alcohol and hangxiety (this will be a word soon I’m sure). Last night I went to see PINK in con ..read more