Marriage intensives: What are they? Do they work? Are they worth the money? Can a marriage intensive change an abuser? I get these questions often, and I asked the same questions myself. In fact, I believed in marriage intensives so fully that I spent $7,500 just for a man to take pictures of my angry face and talk about his own practice and family for one-third of the time. (Need context? Me too, girl. Go listen to the episode!) Let’s discuss whether a marriage intensive is helpful when dealing with an abusive husband, whether it helped my marriage personally, and then some things you can do ..read more

Annette Oltmans is here to help us better understand reactive abuse and reabuse. After having personal experience with an emotionally abusive husband and reabuse from her church and therapists, she is on a mission to help other women in similar situations. Let’s dive into the messiness surrounding reactive abuse, what we can do to protect ourselves from reabuse, and how we can heal.  Key Points From This Episode: What reactive abuse is, what causes it, and why “reactive defense” might be a better term. What mutual abuse is (and why it’s is actually a myth). Why having a therapist who is ..read more

Are we unconditionally loved by God or not? How you answer that question will play a role in how you live your life.  Key Points From This Episode: Why Natalie relates to our listener’s anxiety over this topic. Why Natalie thought her own mother’s treatment of her was how God must treat her, too. Spoiler alert: This was not a fair comparison. How spiritualizing everything can be detrimental to your emotional and mental well-being. Why believing that everyone else who is in “authority” over you is speaking the words of God can lead to some serious spiritual abuse.  The difference in ..read more

What does showing up for your children mean once they are adults? It is selfish to “let them go,” make mistakes, and struggle as they make their own way in the world? Also, why in the world would an abuser file for divorce from his victim? Isn’t it usually the other way around? Natalie is back answering listener questions, and her insights will encourage and support you. Key Points From This Episode: Why you aren’t selfish for refusing to take responsibility for your adult children. The differences between emotional childhood and emotional adulthood. Strategies for how you can support and he ..read more

It’s not often that we get a listener question from a man, and less often that we actually answer it. But today’s question of, “Should I continue to hold out hope for my marriage after abusing my wife? Should I fight for my wife? And what, in your opinion, does that look like?” struck me as being a question that we could all benefit from, so I’m going to give you my honest answer and hopefully help all of the women in this community as well as this seemingly well-intentioned man. Let’s talk about what taking responsibility looks like, why advocates and victims of emotional abuse using sarcasm ..read more

Learn about one of the fastest growing and most effective healing modalities in the therapy world right now—and how it can change YOUR life! Internal Family Systems (IFS for short) may change the way you think about yourself, God, others, and your whole life (in a good way!)  Professional therapist Jenna Riemersma and I talk about IFS, how it ties into our faith, where we can find IFS in the Bible, and why IFS can be incredibly helpful as we learn how to break free and move forward from emotional and spiritual abuse. IFS changed the trajectory of Jenna’s life, and it can do the same for ..read more

There’s a lot of confusion surrounding the term “codependency.” Is codependency bad? Am I codependent? How do I know? And what can I do differently if I want to break some of my codependent habits?  In this episode, I break down eighteen different codependent thoughts and beliefs that many Christian women are taught. I also explore nine codependent “rules” that abusers and abusive religious communities hold us to that create codependence in us, and then I systematically explain why they are flawed and how we can change our thoughts surrounding them. We are not stuck in codependency. Let ..read more

You do NOT want to miss this episode with the guest I’ve been trying to get on the podcast for YEARS - my very own husband, Tom Hoffman.  Listen to us riff about how we reconnected decades after we had first met (he was one of my grade-school bullies!), what it was like trying to date while getting a divorce at the same time, what our wedding was like (it includes pie, fries, and kids running around everywhere), what life has been like since then, and our long-awaited honeymoon run down.  Tom has been the biggest unexpected blessing to me and to our whole family, and I’m so excited ..read more

Have you ever wondered what Genesis 3:16 really means? Or perhaps your abuser is accusing you of forcing him into a transactional relationship simply because you’ve set down some boundaries he doesn’t like? How do we deal with these tough questions? In this episode, Natalie answers these questions by getting into the nitty gritty of Genesis 3:16, why we can trust ourselves, how not to get hooked in our abuser’s little game, and more. Let’s get out of the guilt and shame loop together.  Key Points From This Episode: Our first listener question: “What does Genesis 3:16 really mean?” (4:01 ..read more

Modern Christianity tends to champion Bible worship over Christ worship, and in this episode, we are joined by Keith Giles to discuss the implications of essentially replacing Christ with the Bible. Keith is a former pastor who “left the pulpit to follow Jesus.” He is the author of notable books such as Sola Mysterium, Jesus Unbound, and Jesus Undefeated, the podcast host of  Heretic Happy Hour, Apostates Anonymous, and Second Cup with Keith, and is the Founder of the Square 1 Community. Having been self-taught, Keith has insight into what isn’t being taught in seminary school, and in our ..read more