I'm so excited to be speaking with Christa Hardin, author of the book "The Enneagram in Marriage: Your Guide to Thriving Together in Your Unique Pairing." In The Enneagram in Marriage, readers will learn to: understand their partner's emotions and reactions extend more grace to their partner and themself have productive conversations that foster connection build a legacy together with intention. Each chapter concludes with three sections that aim to lead readers into a practical engagement with the materials, including tips to think through, questions to spark conversation, and assignments for ..read more

Like many terms of phrases that have been used with the Enneagram for decades, recently we have begun to expand on the original ones - not change their core meaning but dig a little deeper into the words themselves. So what if I restated the original childhood message for type 5s in this way…. “It’s not ok to let your guard down because you won’t be able to handle things competently.” If you’re a type 5 or you love a type 5…does that hit differently? Let’s add a little more complexity to this scenario - Type 5s are in the Thinking or Head Center of Intelligence (meaning their instinctual way o ..read more

Today, let’s look at the childhood message for type 4: It almost seems impossible to think of a child hearing these words and the truth is….these exact words were most likely, never spoken but somehow the message was received that “It’s not ok to be too functional or too happy.” Take just a few seconds to FEEL that deep inside. Imagine how that feels….I CAN’T BE TOO HAPPY. I Can’t DO too much…Too much…..Too happy. What creates this feeling of having to be less than you are? That if anyone truly knew how deeply you FEEL and how you see such depth to the world it would be TOO MUCH for them? That ..read more

Who doesn’t love being applauded for a job well done? And which of us as parents or adults don’t love applauding the young - sometimes literally clapping after a performance? That’s natural and it’s necessary to encourage achievement. This is part of life…competition, endurance, challenge and success. But when the trophy doesn’t come, when the grades fall, when the job is lost and success is no where to be seen…when the applause has stopped…..what does the voice inside say? Today, if you are an Enneagram type 3 or you love a type 3, listen deeply and compassionately to this message as if a chi ..read more

What was the childhood message for enneagram type 2s? It was……“It’s not ok to have your own needs.” How did that message get embedded in the unconscious mind of a young type 2? Every childhood is different and every child interprets their experiences differently. Each of us has a filter through which we understand the world around us. But young type 2s processed that early data and concluded: “I’ll be loved if I sacrifice my own needs for the needs of others.” So Their self-love became conditional upon their earning a sense of worth through taking care of others. How soul crushing. The weight ..read more

What is Deep Listening? It comes from the teachings of Buddhist Monk ticht nacht hahn. He says Deep Listening (or Compassionate Listening) is the kind of listening that can help relieve the suffering of another person. You listen with only one purpose: to help him or her to empty his heart. ... You just listen with compassion and help him to suffer less. Take a few seconds to feel the power of those words….to empty their heart so they can suffer less. Now….feel the shift when we say…”To empty my own heart so I can suffer less.” I’d like to offer the suggestion that we LISTEN to our own voice…s ..read more

What do we do? What happens when you don’t know where you want to be but you just know you don’t want to be where you are? My friend, Professional Business Coach, John Alan Turner, says….“It’s not enough to know where you don’t want to be. You have to know where you're going.” I have been PASSIONATE about the Enneagram for many, many years. 12 to be exact. Do I know all there is to know about the it after all these years? Not remotely….WHO DOES? No one - it’s a life time of unfolding into greater understanding. And I LOVE teaching the nuts and bolts of the Enneagram and how our personalities s ..read more

The Passion for For type 1s is ANGER. Type 1s are often called the Reformers and hold themselves to very high standards which is a good quality, right? SO…the deceitfulness of the passions is that it seems GOOD to be conscientious and ethical, with a strong sense of right and wrong. And being ANGRY goes against what seems to be GOOD. So they resist being angry. And when others don’t seem to hold the same standards of goodness then that anger that they resist builds. But 1s are even harder on themselves so that anger turns inward so often if they believe they haven’t lived up to their own stand ..read more

As we continue to look at the deceitfulness of good through the enneagram perspectives we see how the passion, which comes from the latin word 'passeo' which means 'to suffer', of each type is tied to an attempt to resist the suffering by doing good. But, in the words of Carl Jung, what you resist not only persists, but will grow in size. When we resist confronting what makes us suffer it will only lead to deeper suffering, loss of self love and loss of relationships. In this episode we look at Enneagram types 4,5,6 and 8. We are saving types 7 and 9 for next week as those are our types and we ..read more

"What we resist not only persists, but will grow in size." ~ Carl Jung There are a couple of different words for what each Enneagram type resists - but typically they are referred to as The Passion or The Vice. So when I first began hearing about the Passions I was confused because Passion sounded good - like something you’re really good at or something you really love. But, in this context Passion comes from the Latin word Passio which meas TO SUFFER. I absolutely prefer PASSION over VICE because the definition of Vice is ‘moral fault or wickedness'. Do you FEEL the difference? What we would ..read more