People want to feel like they’ve won even if they haven’t. The statement above is true not only in sports and other types of competition but especially true in negotiations. Negotiations are complex, and some deals fall apart for seemingly no reason. The cause of this may be less rational than we think, and it leans more toward the emotional end of the spectrum. According to Merriam-Webster, the term “save face” means, “to avoid having other people lose respect for oneself”. As human beings, we like to protect our status and others’ perceptions of our character. This means that there’s ..read more

  Dr. Kenneth Cloke tells us that every conflict “occurs at the intersection, or crossroads, between problems we need to solve in order to grow and skills we do not yet possess. With each level of growth and development, we experience fresh conflicts and transcend old ones that we not only successfully resolve, but develop the skills to move beyond.” From Conflict Revolution:  Mediating Evil, War, Injustice and Terrorism.  “With each level of growth and development, we experience fresh conflicts and transcend old ones that we not only successfully resolve, but develop the skills ..read more

    Facing our layers of fear and doubt is an unavoidable part of negotiation and the key reason why it takes courage to negotiate. When we think about negotiating for something we want, even before we get to asking – we’re just thinking about it here – we enter into conflict. That conflict can be within ourselves or with others. This is why we have to examine our primary responses to conflict: Suppression—forbidding or restraining the discussion of an idea, activity or issue. Avoidance—refusing to talk to someone with whom you’ve had a dispute. Resolution—finding an agreement ..read more

  Nurturing, caring, giving, sacrificing are all words associated with the female gender. Not only do our sisters and brothers expect us to conform to these high ideals, we expect ourselves to behave accordingly. And that's a good thing. I've often said that women are the social glue that holds the planet together.  Women experience higher rates of poverty than men. In 2018, 12.9 percent of women lived in poverty compared with 10.6 percent of men. Nearly 10 million women lived in deep poverty, defined as falling below 50 percent of the federal poverty line. We are tireless refe ..read more

  When I teach negotiation, my students inevitably tell me that framing and anchoring are the most useful tools I've taught them. We covered anchoring last week so today we’ll talk briefly about framing, which is just one example of the power of suggestion. In the political arena, the power of framing is generally called "spin." You needn't, however, be an expert at renaming torture "coercive interrogation techniques" to become skilled at framing your demands during negotiations. Frames are mental shortcuts that help us organize complex information into coherent, understandable categories ..read more

  I hope my readers are all making good use of the tight labor market to re-evaluate your current compensation or, if you’re unhappy where you’re working, to think about that move you’ve been putting off for so many months or years. Just a Head’s Up before moving into today’s topic ~ when negotiating compensation for a new job or seeking a raise and promotion , should you put the first proposal on the table? “When negotiating compensation for a new job or seeking a raise and promotion, should you put the first proposal on the table?” I asked this question on LinkedIn last week and here ..read more

  I don’t have a beef with resumes, though I like a one to two page bio best. Recruiters and hiring managers being who they are, however, it’s still best to use a standard resume to detail your education, experience and skills. When your resume does the expected job for you - scoring an interview - think of the resume as back-up, not your calling card.  “…think of the resume as back-up; not your calling card.” Most of my clients initially want to pitch their past experience during that first interview (or during their quest for a raise and promotion at year end). That first intervie ..read more

Three Steps To Negotiation For Women Who Feel Uncomfortable Asking For More. Here are the three steps to #negotiation for those women who feel uncomfortable asking for more. 1. Understand that Negotiation is a conversation that seeks to find a satisfactory outcome for everyone. 2. The purpose of your negotiation is to give as much as you get. 3. The best and easiest way to start that conversation is to focus on the needs of your bargaining partner. EXAMPLE: negotiating #speaker #fees. I am often told by the women who are committee heads for law firm women’s initiatives that they don’t hav ..read more

Negotiation as a Act of Service When Bob Dylan wrote Gotta Serve Somebody I understood him to be in his born-again Christian stage, one with which I’d flirted at 14 and abandoned at 15. A crush brought me to Jesus as “my personal Lord and Savior” and like all teen crushes, it had an extremely short shelf-life. So I ignored Serve Somebody, figuring Dylan’s conversion wouldn’t likely outlast my own. Sobriety, on the other hand, tends to have staying power. Dylan and I “got sober” in the same year, 1994, and as far as I know, we’ve both had a productive, long-term relationship with the freedom t ..read more

8 Ways to Handle Lowball Salary Offers Contrary to what you may think, accepting your dream job offer without negotiating your compensation is one of the biggest mistakes anyone can make.  And this is particularly true for women and under-represented minorities. Let me explain. If you’re not negotiating at least a 10% raise, then you’re already selling yourself short because you are almost certainly in the wage gap. Depending on your race, gender, nationality, or BIPOC and LGBTQ status, you are making anywhere between 55% and 90% of the wages earned by cis gender men of European descent ..read more