Sober Words
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My name is Mary Ellin and I write about addiction and recovery. Every once in a while I create a new website with a a new twist. This blog, Sober Words, is dedicated to the many sayings we learn in sobriety. I hope these short writings will amuse or be helpful to you, whether or not you consider yourself to be in recovery.
Sober Words
3y ago
Sometimes I wonder why a piece of recovery wisdom exists.
And then I get it. I totally get it.
For instance, at the beginning of every meeting of my sober fellowship, the moderator reads a statement reminding us that our program:
Is not allied with any sect, denomination, politics, organization or institution, does not wish to engage in any controversy, neither endorses nor opposes any causes.
For years, every time I heard these words, my inner toddler asked:
WHY?
My inner toddler can be a bit thick sometimes.
But I truly did not understand why it is necessary for a program of recovery to not ..read more
Sober Words
3y ago
When the weather sizzles, tempers heat up—and mine is no exception. That is why I must be especially mindful at this time of year to practice:
Restraint of tongue and pen.
With those words in mind, I would like to apologize in advance to any readers who feel that I should have refrained from sharing the following tale, which admittedly touches on a subject that would be unsuitable for polite conversation over a shared repast.
I will now return to the topic of restraining oneself when temperatures soar, and to the regrettably repugnant incident that inspired this post.
Was I ever ready to raise ..read more
Sober Words
3y ago
There is no wiser piece of sober wisdom than this:
More will be revealed.
How resonant were those words today as I stepped outside this morning and heard the otherworldly humming of the cicadas and saw all around me the remarkable drama of their mating and death. Every 17 years, millions of these giant insects tunnel out of the soil, fly or climb into the trees, summon a mate with their haunting music, lay their eggs in tiny twigs, then fall from the trees and die. Soon after, the cicada hatchlings descend from the twigs and burrow deep into the earth to start the cycle again.
I was thinking a ..read more
Sober Words
3y ago
Sober sayings can come to mind unexpectedly. Here’s one that popped into my head, with a twinge of remorse, two nights ago at a hospital emergency room:
Easy does it.
I was sitting in an examining cubicle, watching my thumb bleed into a container of saline solution. A cheery young doctor had told me to soak my injured finger, which I had sliced with a kitchen knife earlier in the evening, and promised to return promptly to close the wound with surgical glue. I was gazing obsessively at the crimson water, thinking of shark attacks and people bleeding out on TV hospital dramas and wondering how ..read more
Sober Words
3y ago
Time to out my bad old self again. And express gratitude to my program of recovery for bailing me out once more.
I am thankful in particular for the following piece of sober wisdom:
As we go through the day we pause when agitated or doubtful and ask for the right thought or action.
Slowing my roll is a huge part of staying sober: Restraint and moderation, taking a breath before speaking or acting. When I act out impulsively, when I unloose negative emotions, I am likely to experience the resentments, relationship conflict and intolerable emotional pain that trigger my addiction.
And so I am ve ..read more
Sober Words
3y ago
Not too long ago, I heard a reading at one of my sober meetings that addressed the pitfalls of getting overly proud of our sobriety–puffing ourselves up about how virtuous and clean our lives and our souls have become. Lately I have been learning that I need to be mindful of letting too much pride and ego creep into my recovery.
Specifically I need to be watchful about trying to be too helpful with others. Aiding our fellows is a pillar of every recovery program, essential in losing our selfishness. But when my pride and ego become overly invested in helping my loved ones, I tend to go too far ..read more
Sober Words
3y ago
One of the most basic pieces of recovery wisdom, and often the first one that we learn, is:
Keep coming back.
This gentle three-word suggestion is not as mindlessly obvious as it seems.
One of the subtler truths that I have learned from faithfully attending recovery meetings is that often at a sober gathering I hear exactly what I need to hear in order to stay away from my addiction or resolve a painful personal dilemma.
Today, for instance, the focus of my noon telephone meeting was the relationship troubles so frequently suffered by people prone to drinking, drugging and other deadly obsessi ..read more
Sober Words
3y ago
To my readers:
I am so grateful for the privilege of sharing with you. And in addition to expressing my deepest gratitude, I want to apologize for not posting very often of late. I am focusing my energies on another writing project and on a recent change of residence. These posts, however, and especially your visits to this page, are a huge part of my sobriety, my life, my thankfulness and my joy. I don’t take you or any of the blessings brought to me by this endeavor for granted and plan to devote as much time to this blog as I can. I am ever mindful of the sober saying that I am likely to lo ..read more
Sober Words
4y ago
It’s that time again. Time to out my bad old self.
When I was new to recovery, I didn’t really get the connection between resentments and addictive drinking. Resentments? What resentments? I did not realize how many of them I had until I stopped drowning them in fermented fluids.
Now I get it. For some reason, the hermit’s existence I have been leading as a demographically vulnerable person ducking COVID-19 has made me cranky and crabby beyond belief. I have become a hoarder of pet peeves.
Thank goodness I have my beloved sober slogans to shore me up. Especially when they manifest themselves i ..read more
Sober Words
4y ago
I am so grateful that my recovery meeting today focused on a saying I have not yet shared in this space. It’s a wonderful one:
Drop the rock.
The metaphor is fairly simple but the message is profound. Staying sane and sober means letting go of heavy emotional baggage: our resentments, our remorse, our fears and traumas, our character defects. It means asking our Higher Power to give us a hand in unburdening ourselves–which brings to mind another great slogan:
Let go and let God.
Letting go sounds a lot easier than it is. We addictive types can be tenacious when it comes to clutching onto every ..read more