A film studio make-up artist has been sued by parents after he "traumatised" their children  at Halloween. Ben Gribbleson, who works for Funimatics Studios, used his expertise to decorate his own body to make it look as if it had been eaten half away by an horrific disease. That, along with writhing snakes for hair, courtesy of the studio special effects department, absolutely petrified ..read more

A student has resigned from his university Hipster Society because he was "fed up with socialising with a load of pretentious tossers". Jeremiah Goatland-Smythe said he joined because he loved vinyl records and craft beer. "It was fine at first. We had long conversations in pubs about where to buy totally deck gear or Colombian coffee beans grown in peasant collectives. But then it just ..read more

Shoppers in Crawstown, Surrey, have complained to the council about the new "talking" CCTV cameras in the High Street. Sara Snodegrass said she was horrified to hear a voice telling everyone to pick their feet up and stop slouching. “I thought it was a real invasion of privacy,” she said. “Where is it going to end? "I want to be able to wander around town without the terrible feeling ..read more

Swearing has been banned on a Bolton building site after complaints from a labourer. Rupert Smugg, who lives with his parents in a quiet street in the suburb of Lostock, said he was working at the building site to raise money so he could go back-packing in Asia with his girlfriend Perdita. He told managers the level of profanity infringed his human rights. The company has now ..read more

A Brighton pensioner is resting at  home after accidentally wandering into a branch of trendy teenage clothes chain Bangin'. Edna Grease, 78, said she feared she had slipped back in time because the first thing she spotted was a rail of boiler suits. "There was a beige one there and I've got a picture of my mum wearing one exactly like it when she worked in the armaments factory ..read more

Bradford woman Elise Sheepsarse is blaming the Government for the death of a hamster. She said she had been looking after her friend Janet's pet, Abrahamster Lincoln, while Janet was on holiday. Not long before taking charge of Abrahamster Lincoln, Elise had read that the UK’s intelligence agencies had significantly increased their use of large-scale data hacking.  "I know it's supposed ..read more

Pensioner Chester Charrington, 85, has come under fire for distributing a brochure telling senior citizens how to pick an old people's home. Although this sounds like a helpful thing to do,  his local council called the leaflets ill-conceived and ridiculous. Council spokesman Bryant Chiplock said, "Mr Charrington advises people to check staff qualifications which on the face of it ..read more

An officer says he wants to return to the policing style of the 1970s when coppers could do what they liked without interference from "do-gooders". The 25-year-old policeman, who wants to remain anonymous to protect his job, said he had recently watched old reruns of The Sweeney on TV. "It really opened my eyes to how effective the modern police force could be without the constraints ..read more

Satellite TV channel ChavCribs is about to broadcast a new series called Let's Escape The Country to help rural families move to civilisation. The first programme features Somerset couple Marlon, 21, and Bathsheba Beech, 19, and their six children. Marlon said he wanted to get away from his job as a farmworker and find work in a factory.  "I'm tired of  getting up at dawn to wade ..read more

A camping trip turned out to be so disastrous for Bill Mersean that he's now started a petition called Camping Sucks to have sleeping under canvas banned. After one week 7,876 people have already signed. Bill, 47, from Newcastle, said, "That goes to show how many of us are pissed off with the whole camping experience. Sleeping in tents when there are perfectly good hotels and guest houses ..read more