Its hard to understand why i am going through what i am going through right now. For the past 3 years things have only been going up for me and i have only been getting stronger. I have been hit with some pretty hard turbulence this year that couldve made my life rocky and hard but instead i allowed it to mold me and shape me into a stronger person. Every thing was going so well.... Then Monday hit, and it hit me hard. Like a bulldozer carrying thousands of pounds of wet concrete ready to pour over my life and bury me alive. It broke me down. It tore into me like i havent experienced in a very ..read more

You don’t stop just because someone tells you no. You don’t stop because there is a road block. You don’t stop because of your limitations. You stop, you pause, you re- center, you re-group and you pick yourself up and you keep going. There are times that we need to take a break and take a moment to reflect and think about how we could have done things differently and what mistakes we made and how we can learn from them, but don’t stay trapped there. Don’t wallow there. You pick up your pieces and you keep trekking along and you look for the next opportunity because the next opportunity will ..read more

The three years I have spent working here, I have found that people tend to make you feel irrelevant and insignificant. You have to make a name for yourself and you have to make yourself significant. You have to make yourself shine. I told a story this morning about going to my brothers for a steak dinner and it was meant to be a funny story. After I finished my story, I got not a single response in a room filled with 5 people. All I heard were crickets chirping and the sound of my worship music in the background. How do you shine in a cold work environment gone stale? How do you do that with ..read more

Who are you? Who am I? I can’t tell you who you are, only you can tell yourself that. I can only tell you who I am. I am saved by the grace of God. I am a warrior. I am a survivor. I am resilient. I am undefeated. I am fearless. I am bold. I am a daughter. I am a worker. I am a church goer. I have a blog. I care about my family a lot. I am an auntie. I care about my friends a lot. I have two cats. And I have a mental illness called Bipolar 1. There are a lot of other things that define me and the list can go on for days but that is just a synopsis. This is how I used to define myself: I am ..read more

I told you my mania would die. As August ends so does my mania and so does my energy. And now i find myself lying here on a Friday because of this hurricane that closed work waking up from a nice nap and talking to a few friends on messenger. I had some very vivid dreams which is no doubt a side effect of the drugs i am on but the good news is i am sleeping and dreaming again. Mania is a fun friend, it creates some beautifully dramatic pieces of inspiration that you want to hold on to forever because for a momeny in time you felt the best you will feel for a while. Your energy was sky high, y ..read more

If you want to date me you have big shoes to fill. My ex husband was amazing and i will compare you to him and you will most likely fail. So dont try. I am not looking to date. So dont try. I am at a point in my life where i am trying very hard to focus on my career and friendships. I want to build friendships that will last a lifetime. I want to nourish them and watch them grow. I spent all of my early years chasing boys and now i am chasing girls for friendships. I want to have a group of frienda that i can lean on and count on and that can count on me. That is my goal. Dating is my last pri ..read more

I have been at Atlantic Orthapedic for 3 years and 2 months. It has given me the time I need to gain stability. It has really given me the space and grace I needed to fully develop into my mental illness. It allowed me time to grow as a person. It offered me so many different things, and I will always be grateful for that, but I always felt like I was playing the waiting game. I was waiting for something bigger and better to come along. I was waiting for my time to fly. I was waiting until I became strong enough to stand tall on my own two feet. And now that time has come and I am ready to mak ..read more

April and August are my two hardest months to face. Why? Because the seasons change. Mentally I am strong and I am prepared for change on a daily basis. I can deal with changes easily. Chemically, in my brain, I cannot. So my brain does not want to deal with the changes of the season so it spirals into a manic episode which usually is a lot worse than what I faced this year. All that happened this year is I wrote a lot. And I lost a lot of sleep. A lot of sleep. Instead of sleeping I would think. I spent the night thinking of things instead of being able to peacefully drift away into lala land ..read more

I left work early today. I got in my car and i called Kaitlyn and i lost it. I cried hysterically because of the defeat i felt for leaving work early to come home and take my medicine and take a nap. I do not like it. But perhaps our strengths lie in knowing our limitations in our weaknesses and not exceeding them and going beyond them? Funny thing, i did the ultimate shameful no no thing to do. I lowered my medication because i thought i was ok. I jumped down from 120 to 60 of Latuda. You might be shaking your head. My therapist did. So now here i am typing this and force feeding myself mac ..read more