Tom died the Monday before spring break in 2015. He attended the same school where I worked. I took the week off, of course, to mourn and make arrangements. But the Friday before break, I was granted permission to attend my Theatre Arts class. It was safe with my husband, the principal, and a counselor present along with my students. We did our usual entry activity and then talked about the play they were watching in my absence. It was an hour of normalcy for me in the eye of my tornado of grief. When class was over, one of my students stayed behind. She told me her parents were going to be go ..read more

Submitted by guest author Nicole L.  Last year, for Suicide Prevention Month, I wrote about how difficult and intrusive it feels to see suicide prevention campaigns in public. The desire to reframe these messages resonated with a lot of people, so I want to elaborate on some things I hope others will keep in mind when sharing suicide awareness content this month. The factors that contribute to dying from suicide are exceptionally complex. Before my dad died, I considered myself to be somewhat of an expert in suicide prevention. After losing two people in my life years before, I’d attende ..read more

Submitted by guest author Laura A Thor, DMin, LCSW  It is important for those of us who’ve lost someone to suicide, that we examine the awful guilt we take on.  We feel guilt when those we tried so hard to protect manage to escape our efforts to manage their depression, addiction or self-hate and despair. We feel guilt for what we could not control: their inability to keep themselves safe and have hope through perhaps years of suffering.  Sometimes, looking back, we think we could have ‘been there’ to prevent suicide in a particular moment or bad day. More often, we mistak ..read more

Post submitted by guest author Nicole  It’s been three-and-a-half years since my dad died. In that time, I’ve cycled through a range of hostile grief emotions before landing in a place where I feel mostly settled and secure. If you would have asked me how I was a few months ago, I would have told you that my days felt manageable and predictable. Even though I miss him immensely, I could generally think about my dad and feel connected to him without spiraling into an overwhelming sense of pain. That would have been my pre-pandemic answer, but being in quarantine and worrying about my heal ..read more

I have written and asked over and over again, “Why was my love not enough to save my son, Tom?” And today the answer hit me. My love was not enough because mental illness is not about love. It is about biology. I am reminded of Amy Bleuel’s words, “It is a brain illness…” It is a physical illness which overtakes our bodies. Love is not enough to treat a broken bone or cancer or chronic pain or any other number of medical challenges we face. It is treatable, but can still be fatal. If Tom’s mental illness had been about love, he would still be alive. © 2017 The post Why My Love Was Not Enough ..read more

Tom died the Monday before spring break in 2015. He attended the same school where I worked. I took the week off, of course, to mourn and make arrangements. But the Friday before break, I was granted permission to attend my Theatre Arts class. It was safe with my husband, the principal, and a counselor present along with my students. We did our usual entry activity and then talked about the play they were watching in my absence. It was an hour of normalcy for me in the eye of my tornado of grief. When class was over, one of my students stayed behind. She told me her parents were going to be go ..read more

Submitted by guest author Nicole L.  Last year, for Suicide Prevention Month, I wrote about how difficult and intrusive it feels to see suicide prevention campaigns in public. The desire to reframe these messages resonated with a lot of people, so I want to elaborate on some things I hope others will keep in mind when sharing suicide awareness content this month. The factors that contribute to dying from suicide are exceptionally complex. Before my dad died, I considered myself to be somewhat of an expert in suicide prevention. After losing two people in my life years before, I’d attende ..read more

Submitted by guest author Nicole L.  Last year, for Suicide Prevention Month, I wrote about how difficult and intrusive it feels to see suicide prevention campaigns in public. The desire to reframe these messages resonated with a lot of people, so I want to elaborate on some things I hope others will keep in mind when sharing suicide awareness content this month. The factors that contribute to dying from suicide are exceptionally complex. Before my dad died, I considered myself to be somewhat of an expert in suicide prevention. After losing two people in my life years before, I’d attende ..read more

Submitted by guest author Laura A Thor, DMin, LCSW  It is important for those of us who’ve lost someone to suicide, that we examine the awful guilt we take on.  We feel guilt when those we tried so hard to protect manage to escape our efforts to manage their depression, addiction or self-hate and despair. We feel guilt for what we could not control: their inability to keep themselves safe and have hope through perhaps years of suffering.  Sometimes, looking back, we think we could have ‘been there’ to prevent suicide in a particular moment or bad day. More often, we mistak ..read more

While we are committed to prevention and education at Our Side of Suicide, most of our readers have experienced a loss and carry significant guilt over not “catching” the suicide before it occurred. Guest author Laura A Thor, DMin, LCSW shares how she has worked through this feeling to move forward. Things I Can’t Control: Other People’s Suicides Sometimes taking on guilt feels better than accepting our powerlessness. Guilt can protect us from how small we really are in the face of nature, life, and death. Guilt holds us accountable for our freedom to do willful harm and make mistakes. G ..read more