I need to vent and I have nobody to rant at. I miss my mom. She used to let me unload on her and I took it for granted. Now that she's gone, all I have is you journal. You are just supposed to record the relationship between me and my husband, but I need to unload. A few months ago I lost my baby. I've had a few miscarriages, but this one was different. This baby was likely going to be born alive and die a few minutes after birth. I could have gone the whole way. My husband didn't want our baby. The second he found out, he was upset. I can understand why on a superficial level. We are poor ..read more

Hi Journal. The past few days has been exhausting. Sometimes I can't tell if I'm being the unreasonable one. I want to go back to work, but my husband keeps giving mixed signals. He tells me to stay home, then gets angry and says I don't contribute and need to get a job instead of being a lazy good-for-nothing. I also have to listen to hours of baby songs back to back, so that's driving me a little nutty. My boy loves it, so I let him listen to songs while I do things. But I really am getting tired of hearing nursery rhymes on repeat for 2 hours straight while I'm trying to study. Anything f ..read more

At least that's what Dear Hubby says. The past few weeks, husband has been insulting me almost nonstop every day. I mean almost every word from his mouth has been a complaint or criticism. I can't even remember all the things he's said, but one sticks out very much. Thursday morning (last week), my husband came home from work and woke me up by jumping into bed. He woke up our baby and began to play with him, and threw his empty bottle at me to go fill it up. My son still drinks 3-4 bottles at night, and my husband wakes me up for every single one of them. He never gets up to get a bottle or ..read more

Hi journal. I so don't feel like writing this out, I just don't have the energy. He came home in a good mood and gave us both kisses. A few minutes later, Our baby got down off the bed and dumped water on some of his papers. Then he screamed "WHAT THE FUCK" and scared the baby. Little one ran scared right into the hallway door and hit his head pretty hard. It left a dent and a big, swollen bruise almost immediately. Husband immediately starts screaming at me, at the top of his lungs, 'YOU STUPID CUNT. WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU? YOU PUSHED HIM! WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?! YOU'RE SO FU ..read more

It feels to me like he deliberately searches out reasons to get angry when he comes home. Nearly every single day he comes home and complains about something. Anything. It could be as small as a smudge on the TV screen. Yesterday, the same day I wrote my previous entry, my husband came home and went on a tangent about the house cleanliness. I've always thought of myself as on the verge of OCD with my cleaning, but my husband still calls me filthy and a bad housekeeper. On the phone he sounded happy and excited to be coming home. He said he missed us (me and baby) and asked for me to start d ..read more

Hi journal. The past few weeks have been "normal", as far as "normal" is for us. He came home a few days ago and blew up at me for having the door cracked open. I really can't understand why he overreacts to benign things. It really does throw me off and confuse me. I'll be having a great day and he will explode over the tiniest thing and ruin it. Sometimes I think he does it on purpose, other times I think he may be mentally ill. Normal people don't act like this. He came home and saw the door open. He started cursing at me and threw his things on the floor, threatening to divorce me and kid ..read more

Hi Journal. We had a normal conversation on WhatsApp this morning. I guess. As soon as he walked through the door, he started complaining. Then the day devolved from there. The WhatsApp convo annoyed me. He did that stupid flirting/sxting thing he does, which he knows annoys me to no end. I hate any kind of "flirting" over text IYKWIM, I don't know why it infuriates me. But it does and he should respect that. He always used to pressure me into it, but lately I've been telling him that he knows I don't like it and to please stop it. He gets his feelings hurt and pouts and tells me how mean I ..read more

Hello journal. Today he finally spoke to me. He just came home and pretended nothing happened at all. He woke me up at 7am and wanted to be intimate even though I was obviously mad and didn't want to. Why would he ignore my existence for a week then come home and want to be intimate like nothing happened? He was acting normally for a few hours, then came in the bedroom where I was relaxing and started complaining about how "filthy" the house was. I told him I cleaned all yesterday and didn't know what he was going on about. He pointed at some clothes on the bedroom floor. Clothes that he th ..read more

I really, really don't know where to start, journal. It's been so long because I lost my password. It was a sheer stroke of luck that I guessed the right one today. The past two days have been miserable. I am so worn down. I'm just tired of it all. I can't even enumerate all of the things that happened. I am picking bits and pieces from the issues that stand out to me. He ignored me and ate the food I cooked, while at the same time calling me useless and saying I "never" do anything. I said I take care of our son, house and I cook for him and he never even acknowledges it. He told me "stop a ..read more

It's been a while since I spoke to you, journal. That's because this is one of those calm periods between storms... Everything has been okay. Well, okay for us. So-so for anyone else. Once in a while he will get angry and stomp off, but it ends there. Today he's pouting because I didn't put enough monster energy drinks in his lunchbag. He called me useless. I spent 2 hours cooking homemade lunch and dinner to pack for him, but it all means nothing because I forgot an extra energy drink. I'm a totally useless person. Because that's the logical way to think about someone who cooks your food ..read more