People may now print their own banknotes at home ..read more

People may now print their own bank notes, says Kwarsi Kwarteng ..read more

Safari park baboons caught stripping car of its wheels ..read more

Huawei string must be stripped from 1G rural networks by 2023 ..read more

Commuters told to only travel out of peak hours to avoid over-crowding ..read more

Nail bar ‘still has no idea why it had to shut ..read more

Team GB finally won its first medal at the Winter Olympics this morning, taking Bronze in the 10 metre snowball final. After a hard-fought battle with Silver medallists Nigeria, Great Britain captain Ollie Blunkett had nothing but praise for his young team. “We’re totally gutted to get just the Bronze, you know, they’ve all worked so hard what with the COVID lockdowns and no bloody snow to practise with, but we’re on the podium!” An emotional Blunkett also revealed that they had been training for the past 18 months in his mother’s garden, flinging balls of Play-doh against her garage ..read more

Youths topple Nelson’s statue because they ‘didn’t like his hat ..read more

Man knighted for removing chewing gum in Queen’s new year honours list ..read more

Geronimo, the celebrated eight-year-old camelid condemned to death for twice testing positive for bovine TB, has been joined in his Gloucestershire pasture by hundreds of identical black alpacas. The animals began arriving overnight, following a social media appeal from the British Alpaca League. As our story went to press, a total of 287 animals had been dropped off in vehicles including Land Rovers, trailers, a motorbike sidecar and even an ice-cream van. We understand that more than 700 additional alpacas – all black – have been pledged by UK breeders and are expected to arrive by the weeke ..read more