We had been married for 6 glorious weeks when I began spotting. This was extremely abnormal for me and the only answer I could find on google was ‘implantation bleeding’. I knew however that it should not be possible for me to be with child; we had been careful.  In the two weeks that followed, as I waited for my period, the symptoms became clearer and glaringly obvious. Even without a test we knew, there would be no regular cycle. As soon as I saw the two pink lines I burst into tears. Not tears of happiness or of sorrow; but tears of guilt. Somehow I felt it was my fault that there was a tin ..read more

Today  I share this for you; you who have sat in an emergency room and heard the sound of no heart beat fill the room; those who have grieved the loss of a child and felt so alone and like no one understood. I share it for those of you who may feel guilty for any number of reasons and felt that in some way it was your fault. To you who knows the feeling of contractions and pain coming way too early; of losing blood when there shouldn’t be any; of weeping over the loss of a person so tiny, yet who was somehow already so loved. My name is Tammy and to this day I grieve the loss of child I never ..read more

Fast forward 9 months. Life had seemed to become a bit more normal and I felt excited when I thought about the possibility of becoming pregnant again. We really didn’t know how long it would take for me to conceive, since I only had one fallopian tube left and no way of knowing when I ovulated. But there I was, my period one day late; me sitting in the bathroom waiting on the lines to appear. And appear they did!  Two pink lines! I was thrilled to the core and in the same instant, filled with fear. I knew that this time around, I would need to be very intentional with guarding my thoughts and ..read more

I have learned to kiss the waves that throw me against the Rock of Ages ~ Charles Spurgen        If I had been holding the pen that wrote my story, I am sure that I would have written it differently; for if it were my choice I would not have included so many losses, and so much pain.  But praise be to God, it is He who writes the pages of my life and while I can only see one word at a time, He sees the finished story. My life is not yet over, but I have learned already that although I may not understand all the paragraphs, He does, and that is all that matters. In my life thus far the Lord has ..read more

She was petite, and garbed in surgical scrubs. She came in holding a clipboard and there was a visable kindness in her eyes. “We found a sack and an embryo with no heartbeat… I’m so sorry for your loss.” And in that moment of grievous truth God carried me. What the Word says in Isaiah 63:9 became real to me in that moment. “In all their affliction He was afflicted, and the angel of His presence saved them; in His love and in His pity He redeemed them; and He bare them, and carried them all the days of old.” On June 1st I sat in the bathroom and stared at that stick, waiting for those pink line ..read more

My daughter is a rather emotional person; I think it has something to do with the fact that she’s a female. Lately though, I have seen deep sadness in her eyes as she talks about missing her best friend’s birthday party. Missing that, causes her as much pain as when I think about missing my sister’s giving birth; or seeing their children grow up; or being absent for family gatherings. It’s a tremendously hard thing for her. My son realizes fully the amount that he has had to sacrifice already in his young life. He is strong like a warrior; and I’m not exaggerating when I say that for he really ..read more

This past week we were blessed to have my sister and Daniel’s brother, who are married to each other,  come stay with us for a short three days. The children are all very close to each other and they played non stop with complete delight in each other. Visits from family are so wonderful, and yet in a sad, strange way it’s also hard because you realize how much you’ve actually missed them, and you know that soon they’ll be gone, leaving you to miss them all the more. But as wonderful as family is, they can never replace the comfort and peace that God can bring to my heart in times of trial if ..read more

*This is another post I wrote while we were serving in Bolivia (August 2016) but it is as relevant now as it was then. I hope it challenges you in your faith and causes you to fix your eyes upon Jesus this coming Christmas season, for He is of course, the real reason for the season. The other day my sister-in-laws were talking about Christmas being only 4 months away on our group text. It got me thinking about Christmas, although over here, with it just being the start of spring, Christmas is pretty much the last thing on my mind. I really can’t imagine having a Christmas with +40 temperatures ..read more

Last Friday we went with the students and staff of EI bible school on a field trip into the mountains. The scenery was breathtakingly stunning! Of course photos don’t do it justice but I still tried… I hope you enjoy them ..read more

*This whole post was written this past winter (2016), and I have now finally had the nerve to hit the publish button : ) Today I want to share with you something that I have been struggling with since we moved back to Canada. When we were in Bolivia life was incredibly hard for me. I loved it, but at the same time I was so terribly lonely that I desperately needed God every second of the day. And I knew without a doubt that God loved me. WITH ALL OF HIS HEART. He showed us His love in so many ways by protecting and taking care of us. But then we moved back to Canada, and I felt crushed under t ..read more