So, I’ve torn a ligament or something in my knee, not sure exactly what I’ve done but it chuffin’ hurts. I’m don’t know how I did it but it’s very probably a ‘boy related injury’. They usually are and this one means I’m hobbling around very slowly with the aid of a stick muttering swear words under my breath.   I was sent for an x-ray on it last week and not being a great fan of the hospital gowns they make you wear that show off your backside, when the hospital called with the appointment I asked if I’d need to take my trousers off. ‘We’ll need to see your knee so just wear a skirt’ Ther ..read more

So, some Local Authorities don’t recognise, PDA (Pathological Demand Avoidance). They say it doesn’t exist and won’t entertain it so good luck getting a diagnosis! I say give them ten minutes with Bubba and we could change their minds! It’s very real and it drives us mad! For those professionals, and families that believe in it, PDA is understood to be part of the autism spectrum and rooted in an anxiety-based need for control. Those presenting with it are driven to avoid everyday demands and expectations and will go to extremes to achieve this.   Can you imagine the fun times it can lead ..read more

I had thought I’d be a bit of a mess this morning. I usually am when the boys go back to school after the Summer break and I remember this time last year being a tear sodden wreck for the entire week with Bubba starting ‘big school’. Today he was going into Year 8 and Squeak was heading towards Year 3 and a new school so I thought the tears would start at some point, if not when I left Squeak then at least on the drive back home. But no, nothing, not even a slight lip tremble and that in itself feels a bit strange. A lots happened in a year though, which is why I’ve hardly posted. I’ve just no ..read more

The other day I overheard someone saying that ‘repeating the same thing over and over again looking for a different outcome is the definition of madness’. I’m not sure what that says about our house but I’ll just leave this here – a conversation ‘The Wife’ has just had with ‘Squeak’. it’s not the first one like this and I doubt it’ll be the last! Squeak:                ‘I want to go on a walk’ The Wife:            ‘I know you do but it’s raining’ Squeak:   ..read more

‘No, no you’ll be fine straight away’ ‘Are you sure because I’ve got two boys with SEND needs, I can’t afford to be off my feet..’ ‘No, you’ll be fine…’ That was the conversation I had a couple of weeks ago when a healthcare professional proposed some surgery I needed on my feet. She lied! Big stinking filthy lie! But I took her word for it and in my head I thought, ‘right if they do it on the Wednesday, I can put me feet up and rest for Thursday, maybe chill a bit Friday and by the weekend,  I’m back to normal….’ It didn’t quite work out like that! I had the surgery on 1st February and w ..read more

I didn’t do the boys school run this morning but I heard Bubba shouting all the way to the car as ‘The Wife’ took them – quite impressive really when you consider you have to go out the front door, round the corner and along the road to the drive at the back of the house. But I heard him, ranting away. He was shouting for all to hear like we were the worst parents ever and I’d just suggested melting his Lego down to make plant pots! And what set him off this morning?  What was it?  Well obviously it was me! Of course it was.  I was awful enough to, are you ready for this…… to as ..read more

A couple of times last week, I sat down to write, because I had something to say, and every time, I ended up falling down the rabbit hole that is ‘Admin for the Boys’ – I can lose hours lost down there. Every day there’s something and it’s never as easy as making a phone call and ticking it off the ‘To Do’ list. There’s the physio referrals, the speech and language, the OT, the test results and consultants appointments. We have the requests to assess and diagnose which we all know can take months if not years of chasing. Then there’s the endless appointments which granted have lessened as they ..read more

Sometimes I start to write a post and then I think ‘ Oh great, I’m moaning on again, who wants to read this..’ and so I stop and I try to forget whatever meltdown or drama has happened that day. I go and do something else instead and I don’t share what’s happened, how bone achingly tired it’ll have made me or how guilty I’ll be feeling because ‘ I should do better, next time I’ll be different….’ I don’t mention the frustration, constantly feeling like I’m not enough or even, yes, that ‘I didn’t sign up for this’.  I’m usually muttering this in my head whilst I’m dealing with a particularl ..read more

For me Christmas has always been a time of excitement and magic.  The days before were filled with a good kind of chaos, getting everything ready with the last minute ‘To-Do’ list. Collecting the order from the butchers, making sure we had enough sprouts, seeing friends and family and just everyone being happy, stressed and tired but nevertheless full of joy and good wishes. On Christmas Eve I’d feel so excited I could burst and I’d be certain I wouldn’t be able to sleep. I remember the family gatherings, the laughter and warmth and the flowing of advocaat snowballs! And even when I stopp ..read more

I’m feeling a bit bemused this morning, bewildered, befuddled and yep bemused covers it. I just don’t understand how it’s so hard to support our children in mainstream school.. It shouldn’t feel this difficult but obviously it is because since Bubba started ‘big school’ in September the majority of my time has been spent dealing with school. The fantasy of me having time to meet friends for coffee, going to the gym, or even having the audacity to have a shower and wash my hair without small people around to interrupt me has quickly vanished and instead each day I’m on the phone, emailing or ha ..read more