Couples often come to therapy with the idea that the goal is to be able to “get along” or “stop fighting”.  That makes sense, because all that conflict, whether it comes out as yelling or the silent treatment, is incredibly uncomfortable. Unfortunately, while “getting along” makes for a much more pleasant time, it is not enough to be the foundation for a great marriage. In my experience, great marriages are not based on a lack of conflict, they are based on a deep sense of emotional intimacy.  I have seen countless couples who get along.  They see themselves as being “really goo ..read more

At first glance, the question “Is watching porn cheating?” might seem surprising. After all, there's no "real infidelity” or “real sex” going on.  So, you might think, what’s the big deal? But in many marriages, the use of porn is a very big deal.  Porn can become an ongoing source of pain in a marriage that causes fights, deeply hurt feelings, resentment, and sometimes divorce. Many would argue that porn itself is wrong.  That it objectifies and debases both the women and men who are portrayed.  But if your partner complains about you masturbating while watching porn, they ..read more

The goal for 90% of couples in Couples Therapy is to feel closer and more connected. The way you do feel closer is by creating more emotional intimacy. I created a free handbook to help couples create emotional intimacy. It’s called. 5 Simple Steps to Greater Emotional Intimacy. Download this free handbook now. Name * First Name Last Name Email * Thank you ..read more

  Polyamory, Open Marriage, Ethical Non-Monogamy.  These words have become a part of our vocabulary, but what do they really mean?  Are these real relationships?  Or are they just fancy new names for cheating? What is a serious relationship? Most of us were brought up with the belief that for a relationship to be considered “serious” or “real” it had to be monogamous. In our culture, monogamy is seen as the cornerstone of marriage.   And, if one, or both, partners are sleeping with other people, then by definition, it wasn’t a marriage or a serious relationship.&n ..read more

The term “Gaslighting” has become very popular over the past few years.  People will often talk about how they feel that their partner, parent, friend, or boss is “gaslighting them”.  But what does Gaslighting really mean? Origin of the term Gaslighting The term Gaslighting comes from a spooky 1944 movie called Gaslight with Ingrid Bergman and Charles Boyer.  In the movie, the husband tries to drive the wife crazy by constantly telling her that what she’s seeing, thinking, or feeling is all in her imagination and isn’t happening at all.  And she starts to believe that she m ..read more

We’ve all heard the term passive-aggressive countless times.  You may have heard other people use it, you may have used it yourself, or maybe your partner has accused you of being passive-aggressive.  While it’s a common term, it’s not very well understood. If you asked 100 people to define it, I think you’d get around 95 different answers. But one thing is certain, passive-aggressive behavior can drive you out of your mind. A simple definition of passive-aggressive behavior Passive-aggressive behavior is a way for the PA (Passive-Aggressive) partner to express their unhappiness with ..read more

Couples talk about separating.  “We’re on a break”, “It’s a trial separation”, or “We’re giving each other some space”.  But what is a trial separation, and can it help your relationship? What is a trial separation?  How does it help? People often frame the separation as giving themselves “time to think”.  In my experience, the benefit of the separation is just the opposite.  I believe the benefit of a trial separation is that it gives the partners some time NOT to think.  Read the original article, with links to articles on marriage and separation. Living in an u ..read more

Were your parents emotionally unavailable? When you look back on your childhood, were you well cared for physically, but you still wonder if there was something missing from your childhood? Do you sometimes wonder if you were really loved? Or loved in the right way? This is a possible sign that you experienced emotional neglect as a child.  When we think of childhood neglect, we picture an abused child, physically deprived, beaten, and mistreated.  And, tragically, that situation is very real for far too many children.  But there is another form of childhood abuse that is much l ..read more

Starting to have sex again after there’s been an affair is often a major stumbling block for couples. Being intimate can trigger intense feelings of shame, anxiety, anger, and sadness for both partners. So it’s important to take this step slowly. It may take a long time, and that’s OK. There’s no hurry. Desire to start having sex again Often, one or both partners may be anxious to get back to being physically intimate. In many cases, they feel an internal pressure to be intimate as a way of holding the relationship together or proving to their partner that they want to be together. The involve ..read more

In her landmark book, Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents: How to Heal from Distant, Rejecting, or Self-Involved Parents, Dr. Lindsay Gibson explains the emotional toll that children experience when they are raised by an emotionally immature parent. Growing up with self-involved or emotionally immature parents can make childhood feel like an emotional desert. You may be well taken care of, have a stable home life, and get all your material needs met, but still feel that something was missing in your childhood. If your parents are emotionally unable to really connect with you, respon ..read more