Two years ago today, the Sunday of Memorial Day weekend, I woke up in a jail cell. I got my first DUI. It was coming. I’m not sure how it didn’t happen before. I’d driven buzzed or drunk dozens – hundreds – of times. The fact I got one is less remarkable than my reaction, which was almost nothing. It wasn’t until I was standing in the Salem courtroom two days later, shaking from the weekend of drinking and nerves, listening to the police report – which sounded like a dramatic story about someone else – that it started to settle in that I might be kind of fucked. And still. I dissociated with w ..read more

Dear Laura, I am almost five months sober and I am incredibly grateful for my path at this moment. I recently have started socializing more and entertaining in my home. I have gone to several events outside my home where there is alcohol and I am comfortable with that and accept that it will always be there. I struggle with what I do in my own home. Do I buy booze for others? Do I keep some in the house for someone when they stop by? Tell them my house is BYOB? Or can I have nothing at all in my home? -Boozie Mama in The Bean Hi, BMITB - First of all, amazing on the almost five months. W ..read more

After one of the first recovery meetings I attended, a woman said to me, “You never have to drink again.” I thought, is that supposed to be comforting? Because it makes me want to die. I didn’t want to not drink again. I wanted to drink normally, passably. I wanted to go back in time and un-fuck-up all the things I fucked up. I wanted to erase the series of bad nights that other people knew about and re-claim my position as the fun friend, cool co-worker, up-for-anything pal, silly sister, good-time daughter, mom like all the other moms who can have playdates and wine, girl who can go out for ..read more

Laura, I have been wondering if I have a problem. Drinking for me took the form of 1-2 glasses of wine every day with dinner. I recently, without much thought, decided to give up drinking for Lent. The first week was somewhat difficult. I was a bit anxious and had cravings for my dinner time glasses of wine but as the second week began, I started feeling a surge of positivity and felt more open to everything, also more motivated to do things. I am now a month into it and wondered if I could be an alcoholic if I could quit so easily.  Thanks, Wondering Dear Wondering, Who cares if you’re a ..read more

Early one morning around the holidays, I got a call from a guy friend I’ve been romantically involved with on and off for years. Recently we’d been on. It was Saturday and I had just woken up—hadn’t left my bed or had coffee yet. It had snowed overnight, so the air had that cocooned, quiet quality. I was scrolling through Instagram when the call came in. It took him a moment to speak and when he did I realized he was drunk. Really drunk. I looked at my phone to check the time: 7:12 am. He’d been going since the night before. After I confirmed where he was—driving, which made my stomach lurch u ..read more

I'm not sure how I found you on Instagram a month ago, but I've been following your posts since and have probably "screenshot" half of them. I listened to the HOME podcast for the first time today. "The Craving Brain.” I'm in tears. I've been considering taking myself to AA for the past three days, but don't quite think I'm an “alcoholic." I just take the edge off... every night... with a bottle of wine. I don't know how to share these words with my fiancé as we plan our upcoming wedding. I don't know how to share this with my mom. And I know that my kids know. What's my next step? I'm a yoga ..read more

Dear Laura, What if my sister is addicted? What if she's in trouble and her life has become unmanageable? Glennon Melton Doyle talks about her family loving her very much, just not having a plan. I am stuck in this cognitive mess of "don't judge,” "just love,” but "don't enable,” "don't turn your head/sweep it under the rug/act like it's not happening" but I don't know what that is all supposed to look like from day to day. We've been to AA meetings together, "long term" (3-6 months) outpatient treatment courses (which I've attended on "family nights"), short-term (3-day) inpatient treatm ..read more

I was driving my daughter to school earlier this week and absentmindedly reached for my chapstick in the console. I took off the top and as I went to put it on, a few pieces of something poked my lips. I drew it back to investigate, annoyed. Probably my daughter had stuck something in it to be funny. Maybe I’d dropped it in the sand? I turned the tube around, brought it closer, studied it. Oh. Huh. I’d reached the end. I cocked my head sideways and smiled, a small chuckle. I’ve never, not once, reached the end of a chapstick tube. Amazing. I haven’t stopped thinking about that damn chapstick s ..read more

In 2011, I was working at an ad agency in Boston, my daughter was two years old, and things were a real goddamn mess. I was drinking at least a bottle of wine every night, my husband and I were screeching toward the end of our marriage, we had no money and piles of debt, and we were working through filing bankruptcy. Although I wasn't sober or anywhere near considering getting sober (I'd have rather chopped off my pinkie toes), I still gravitated toward the one sober person in the agency: Grant. Grant was the Creative Director and one of the partners at ..read more

At the age of 43, I’d like to think I have a pretty solid center. I know who I am. I know what I like and dislike. I have a strong connection to what I consider God. I am much better at saying no when I mean it, which means my relationships are cleaner and more honest. But some things still undo me. The worst? Feeling like someone I care about is mad at me. It’s not like this for everyone—only some people. A certain type of person. It sends me into a complete tailspin. I lose my bearings. I want to fix it immediately, even if that means I have to deny my own feelings and fawn all over the ..read more