Do you ever wonder why some people bounce back quickly from anything life throws at them, while others struggle mightily to get back to baseline, even after minor setbacks? The difference is resilience, a trait that every therapist knows can make a major difference in the trajectory of your life.    Resilience is influenced by your personality, your relationships, the skills you’ve had a chance to develop, your style of thinking, and your approach to problem solving, to name just a few factors. It can also be heavily influenced by your genes. In this podcast episode, we’re exploring ..read more

Many people find meaning, comfort, and connection through religion or a spiritual practice. But it’s also not uncommon to have negative religious experiences that can complicate your relationship with spirituality.    As kids, we all need to be encouraged and affirmed as we explore our identities and develop into our true selves. Unfortunately, many of us are subjected to guilt, shame, and pressure to conform with belief systems that aren’t authentically ours. Some children receive the message that if they think or act in ways that don’t match up with these belief systems, they’re ba ..read more

Is conflict avoidance causing trouble in your relationship?  As an experienced marriage counselor, I can tell you that not having any conflict in a relationship isn’t as positive as many people think. When couples tell me they “never fight,” usually that means they aren’t addressing any of their friction points, or sharing their feelings openly and with vulnerability. When I scratch the surface of these relationships, I often find that each partner has an internal stockpile of resentments that are chipping away at their loving feelings for each other. Over time, these relationships can st ..read more

Having a child is one of the coolest, most meaningful experiences a human being can have. It’s also a mind-blowingly huge responsibility. How can you decide if you want to become a parent? And if that is your heart’s desire, how can you know when you’re ready for a baby?    As a longtime marriage and family therapist, I know that many individuals and couples can remain stuck at this particular crossroads for years. It’s one thing to want a baby, but getting all of the pieces in order to make that dream a reality can be complicated. Not to mention all of the uncertainty and anxiety yo ..read more

“My husband doesn’t listen to me. He just tells me whatever he thinks I want to hear so that I’ll go away and leave him alone.”   “I’m sick of not being heard in my relationship. Whenever I try to have a conversation about a problem we’re having, she just waits until it’s her turn to talk so she can tell me I’m wrong.”    I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard complaints like these from new arrivals to couples counseling. It’s no secret that “listening to each other” is a vital skill for healthy relationships, and it certainly sounds simple enough. Yet so many of us go wrong ..read more

You’ve hired the caterer, booked the venue, and spent hours curating a playlist that is danceable and family friendly, while also conveying the story of your love. You think you should be feeling excited for your wedding — you love your partner deeply and this is supposed to be the best day of your life! But instead you’re feeling a little bit nauseous, and considering possible escape routes à la Julia Roberts in “Runaway Bride.”    If this is sounding familiar, then you my friend have a case of cold feet before the wedding. It’s a common occurrence, and something that premarita ..read more

Toxic relationships are more than unhealthy. They can be an addiction.    During the early stages of romantic love, our brains light up with flashes of ecstasy and excitement. The same chemical reward systems that are implicated in a cocaine habit also get us “addicted” to romantic partners, even when they’re inconsistent, unavailable, or downright destructive to our wellbeing.    Unfortunately, toxic relationships can be even more addictive than healthy relationships. Being in a toxic relationship feels like swinging wildly between anxiety and relief, and living for honeym ..read more

Do you believe being single is a bad thing? Or that it’s a problem that needs to be resolved as quickly as possible?    I hope your reflexive answer to these questions is “absolutely not!” But, even if you’re not aware of it, you may have echoes of these cultural attitudes boomeranging around your brain, and they can make it hard for you to feel fulfilled and happy outside of a committed relationship.    Now, don’t get me wrong — I think loving relationships are absolutely fabulous. In fact, I’ve devoted my life to helping people create and maintain healthy relationships th ..read more

What is the greatest obstacle standing between you and the things you want in life?    It’s easy to believe it’s bad luck, or some personal failing, or simply the hand you were dealt at birth. But in my experience helping people overcome their personal barriers in therapy and coaching, I’ve found there’s a culprit that’s much more common, though harder to detect: your mindset.   Your mindset is like the lens you look through to view the world. While it’s invisible to you, it has a big impact on what you expect from life, how you respond to stress, and the goals that you set for ..read more

Your body has changed radically since the day you were born, and your mind is continually growing and changing based on your experiences. But what about your emotional world? What does it mean to become emotionally mature, and how can you build your emotional maturity?    Unlike gray hairs and forehead wrinkles, emotional maturity doesn’t necessarily come with age. It’s something we have to cultivate with intention by building our self-awareness, empathy, and understanding. It’s not always easy work (in fact, our most difficult experiences are the ones that spur the greatest emotiona ..read more