Things have moved on significantly, despite still dealing with the pandemic. While back on talking terms, thankfully, my ex, South Africa, and I went through a fairly rough patch. During that time I confirmed a suspicion that he had found this blog and had been reading it. Of course, it’s public and he’s entitled to, but it also marks a clear end to this domain. Thank you all for following me. I’ve enjoyed this ..read more

A few months ago I started seeing a therapist. For the most part this was to help me overcome a series of panic attacks that I was having when South Africa wouldn’t move out and would just go psycho on my ass. I’ll write about that again another day. Part of seeing the therapist was exploring different situations that lead to me having anxiety attacks and it’s been evident with the last partner that one of those times is when he was out drinking and I didn’t know where or when he would be home. My shrink helped me break this down and see where the anxiety stemmed from, how to deal with it bett ..read more

When we first started catching up as intimate partners during lockdown we made the ground rules really clear: we’re not boyfriends, we’re not dating. We are intimate partners keeping each other company during a global pandemic. Whether you want to call it Stockholm Syndrome or just two people in a shared societal trauma getting along, it seems that we’re both feeling the same – and it’s not how two “not boyfriends” feel. “Also, I like you too. A lot” is the message I got the other day. It was cute, and exactly what I needed to here, but somehow it also doesn’t put some of my anxieties to rest ..read more

July 31st 2020. This date marks a turning point in my year: the date that my ex finally moved out. More than 6 months since we broke up, and way more than a few months overdue. As we headed into tighter lockdown restrictions due to the plague, it was getting tedious having to see him come and go as he flaunted the laws and hung out with friends and fucked other guys. He continually told me that I was also fucking multiple dudes, but honestly, I wasn’t. I’ve had sex with one guy all lockdown – more on that to come – but I think he was just making something up in his head so that he could justif ..read more

I promise that this blog is not going to become a list of complaints that I have about the ex boyfriend that I’m living with. Once I’m out there dating again, we’ll go back to the regular content. In the meantime, let me vent. For the last week we’ve had a massive fight over the saga, and it came to a head last night with us sitting down and trying to talk it through. It ended badly, but with neither of us walking out or throwing a tantrum, and that was good, I guess. He’s been feeling sick today, so before dinner he went and had a nap, and set his alarm for 6, and we agreed I’d make dinn ..read more

There exists many universal truths which carry far beyond doubt. Pain helps you grow. Nothing lasts forever. And don’t live with your ex. Despite it being a known truth, a few months ago I did move in with my ex. The pandemic was starting, we were working things out, and it helped us both out of bad situations. What I didn’t realise – what I refused to realise-  at the time was that I was trading one bad situation for another. It is true that I love South Africa. He is a kind hearted, gentle man that has many good qualities and who put up with my bad qualities for a long time. As the univ ..read more

It’s crazy how life gets in the way of a good time. Three months ago I wrote my first post, which, at the time, was the first post for three months before that. In that post South Africa and I had been together approaching six months and things were going great. Just as I was feeling great, South Africa broke it off. There’s a hundred reasons why, of course. None of which hit the nail on the head. We began disagreeing on the little things, and soon the big things, and then all the things. No matter what I did it wasn’t right, and no matter what I said, I’d said it wrong. I’m not blaming South ..read more

It’s been a minute. More than three months have passed since I last wrote a post, and for that, I’m sorry. You might remember that I wrote way back in August that life was kicking my butt for a while and while that was happening I was sorting out drama with a twitter follower and a guy who I’d been in love with forever and a new fling that was destined to go no where. I needed those three months to work out what was happening. In all honesty, it’s been the best three months of my life for a long, long time. I left the job that I was in with the cunt-of-a-boss that I had, and I’m now in a job t ..read more

TL;DR: What do you get a guy for his birthday when you’ve only been together for a few weeks? South Africa’s birthday is quickly approaching, just over a week away now, and I’m struggling to come up with gift ideas. We’ve only been seeing each other for a couple months, official for a week or two now. How much do you spend? What kind of gift is appropriate? I’m thinking that I’d rather go for experiential rather than product, so I’m thinking about something like a massage before taking him out for dinner and a few drinks. He’s turning 22 and it might be cute for that to happen? I dunno ..read more

A ..read more